To fill the void....Books I'm reading.

I have several posts brewing, but cannot post them until after the weekend;)

In the meantime, I thought I'd share what I'm reading right now:
1) The Life of Mary, as Seen by the Mystics- this is an excellent look into what very well could have been the life of Mary. It is "allowed" by the Catholic Church to believe it, since none of it contradicts what we know to be truth, but it is not required doctrine. Personally, I'm enjoying using it as a springboard for my meditation this last week of Advent, especially the chapters about the Annunciation, Visitation, the Life of Mary and Joseph in Nazareth, the journey to Bethlehem, the Nativity, the adoration of the Magi, etc., etc. Very enlightening, and the verbage and imagery is deepening my relationship with the Blessed Mother.

2) Ina May's Guide to Childbirth- this is an excellent read for any childbearing woman! I very very highly recommend it if you haven't read it. Just sort of look past the author's personal lifestyle (which is somewhat hippie) and see the good and beauty that this very established, respected, and experienced midwife has to pass on to use readers! Her birth statistics are better than any Dr. I could write so much more here, but I'll be brief. She describes the direct relation between fear and pain or stalled labor, and how a laboring woman needs to be free of fear! She presents the truth about what happens in hospitals in an informative way, to allow the reader to come to their own conclusions- and even lays out what one should look for in an OB, should that be what one chooses, or a midwife. The facts she elaborates on are revealing. More people should read this book, and let the facts speak for themselves. This book has been nothing but a confirmation to me of how Satan is out to attack a woman's body in so many ways: 1st through the horrors of contraception, then through the unnecessary interventions that befall so many unknowing women, endangering their lives, the lives of their baby, and putting at risk their future ability to bare children.

3) Hypnobirthing, the Mongan Method- just refreshing my mind and beginning to practice my techniques for my own upcoming birth!

4) Natural Family Planning- the Complete Approach- by John and Sheila Kipley. I am reviewing and re-educating myself as to this beautiful method so that I can provide information and support to a group of women to whom I've been asked to do so. I am also refreshing my memory as to the Billings Method (I have learned and practiced both in my day).

That's about it...for now! I have a stack of doula books awaiting my perusal (yes, I am learning about birth- for fun...its a personal passion. Who knows, maybe the Lord will use it someday, maybe He won't...for now, I'm storing up experiences and learning opportunities. Gotta keep my mind sharp somehow!).

I should mention that pretty much ALL of my reading happens with a flashlight in hand as I sit near my 19 month old and await sleep to overcome her.

Will post a special post Christmas night!:)

Preparing our home for a Special Guest

I love Advent! True it is a time of penance and sacrifice. For me each year Advent carries with it an opportunity to focus more intently on preparing my soul for Jesus, and I find the spirit and focus of penance and sacrifice that much more fulfilling. As I "clean house," removing the bits of dust and dirt from the corners of my soul, I find that I am also doing the same for our home, which is after all like the soul of the family (the "Domestic Church").

And so, in preparation for a very special guest's arrival on December 25th, we clean, we dust, we organize, and we decorate. In the spirit of Gaudete Sunday (celebrated yesterday) we rejoice at the looming coming of Jesus! For us, decorating our house and tree during advent help build this focus for us. We excitedly prepare our home in a very special way, just as we are busy preparing our souls. For us, Advent is characterized by plenty of prayer and service, but also by periodic occasions of decorating and arranging our home. On the 1st Sunday of Advent, we pull out the house decorations (we call them "Advent decorations"). Around the 3rd week, we purchase, trim, and decorate our Christmas tree, and as Christmas nears, we tidy, organize, wrap, and reflect on the meaning of the coming birthday party.

Tonight we will decorate our tree. We find that "Gaudete" week is a joyous time to practice this tradition. Decorating our tree as a family during Advent, with music and candles surrounding us, builds our excitement all the more for Christmas, and propels us even more intently to make the most of these last 2 weeks of Advent and prepare our souls well! Tonight we will do a special blessing of the tree as well, to draw our focus even more inward and bring the greater purpose of our merriment to the forefront of our minds. For us, it is a good "mid-Advent" re-focusing in a way.

Coincidentally, we will also celebrate the feast of St. Lucy tonight, since my husband will be away tomorrow and this is the first year we choose to celebrate this feast in light of our daughter, named for St. Lucy. We find it particularly significant that we will celebrate St. Lucy, the bearer of Light, on the same night we will light our Christmas tree. Seems more than coincidental! St. Lucy will light up our home tonight, bringing our focus even more intently on preparing our home to be a special resting place for Jesus, significantly related to how we at the same time are preparing our souls, our inner home, to be a resting place for the Lord.

Its as if our decorating and preparing of our actual house is an outward expression of what is going on inwardly. As we clean our home, we clean our souls through Confession and examination of conscience. As we adorn our tree, we adorn our souls with more focused expressions of prayer and added devotions. As we light up our tree, we ask the Lord to inflame our souls with his Light so we may more clearly see our faults and more willingly keep our eyes focused forward on the Light.

Wishing you all a blessed and focused remainder of Advent!

Prepare the Way of the Lord! Advent and Christmas traditions.

As a child, Advent carried with it the excitement of waiting for Christmas (and lets be honest, for presents and for family time). But as an adult, this liturgical season has become my most favorite. Favorite, not because of holly and ivy, or decorations and treats, but favorite because it has become a time during which I really grow spiritually. Having children and desiring to build traditions surrounding the "REAL" purpose of Advent has certainly contributed in large to this sudden spiritual focus for my own soul. The things we have done "for the kids," have actually witnessed and formed us adults all the more!

Every year we try to take it another step further and do a little more. Taking baby steps has helped us not make big plans and then get discouraged when we can't "Do it all."

This year we:
1) Have been consistent with the lighting of our Advent Wreath, every night before dinner. There is a prayer, a lighting of the candles, and a verse of "O Come O Come Emmanuel" (which I assure you I sing horribly off key, but that's not the point). A friend just recommended that I give each of the kids bells to hold during this, and that during the prayer and the song they have to keep the bell very still and silent, and then at the part of the song when we sing "REJOICE! REJOICE!" they can ring the bells like crazy! I love this idea, and will be looking for bells this weekend. On Christmas morning, the kids come downstairs to find that the purple and pink advent candles have turned into white candles...and until Ephiphany, we light those candles each night with a special Christmas prayer and sing a song such as "Angels we have heard on high."

2) Have redoubled our effort for our family rosary as often as possible. The goal is every night, but Matt's not home every night, so sometimes I either do a rosary earlier in the day with the kids (in the car is the perfect opportunity) or we just do a decade together.

3) Each day we use the Magnificat Catholic Advent Calendar. The kids repeat and discuss the Bible verse for the day, and get to open a window.

4) We celebrated the Feast of St Nicholas on Dec 6th, and will celebrate the feast of St Lucy on the 13th (where our daughters will dress is white with red sashes and carry bread and treats to people). Also on the feast of St Lucy we will decorate our Tree (and hope it stays alive until Epiphany!). In addition, we gave special attention and honor to Mary on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (which was yesterday).

5) On Christmas eve, the kids write letters to Baby Jesus (birthday letters), telling Him whatever they wish, but mostly telling him what they "give him" this Christmas. Then at Christmas Mass, the kids leave their letters in the manger at Church, in front of baby Jesus, which is always near the Tabernacle, and they whisper a Happy Birthday prayer to him. We've done this every year since our oldest was 2.

6) At the beginning of Advent, we sat down with the kids and read the Gospel Matthew 25:40, and the passage surrounding that, and discussed what Jesus meant by "Whatever you did for the least of my brothers, you did it to me." The kids then brainstormed ways we can live that this Advent, and we've gradually been crossing items off our list:
* To make cards for family members and friends who are either ill or may feel alone, and to mail it to them (if they live far) or bring it to them (if they live locally).
* To ask the Lord each morning to help us have a mind for kindness and self-giving in dealing and responding to each other.
* To make Christmas cards for the elderly sisters in the Infirmary and bring it to them on Christmas Eve, singing songs for them.
* To visit the Missionaries of Charity (The order that Blessed Teresa of Calcutta founded) and visit the 45 children they work with 3 days a week. (When I called the sisters actually asked us to make Christmas cookies for the children, and so we shall!).
* To make our fancy Christmas dinner as we do each year, but to bring it to someone who needs it more - and then eat something simple ourselves (I'll still make us a birthday cake for Jesus, though!). (this is in the process of planning, and we've been praying for the Lord to reveal to us who to give our meal to. There is a possibility we'll be bringing it to some single pregnant mothers, but we won't know if they will be in town until the week of Christmas

Matt and I were quite amazed at what the children came up with. We merely made minor suggestions, and they took the ideas and FLEW! I think they are all attainable. And all of them have either been accomplished, or scheduled (I figure if I get it on the calendar, I'm more likely to follow through with it!).

I've enjoyed hearing from friends what they either are doing or hope to do, and I have gathered a lot of great ideas for us to add in the future. Next year I hope to add:
1) A Jesse Tree tradition
2) A cradle with a removable baby Jesus, so that we can take Jesus out until Christmas, and during Advent we can each make sacrifices and acts of kindness which we write on a tiny paper and put in the cradle to make a nice fluffy bed for baby Jesus by Christmas.

I'm less concerned about dealing with the secularization of Christmas in our culture. It is what it is...it is the culture we live in (every family throughout time has had their own challenges of the culture of their time). We do not believe in hiding from it, and we do not submit to it, either. We find that when we (as a family) focus enough on the real reason for Advent (preparing our souls) and the real reason for Christmas (rejoicing for Christ), that we don't have to worry so much about our kids being consumed by the secular idea of Christmas (which of course is the pretend Santa in the North Pole and presents).

This is a sensitive issue for many families. My philosophy is "don't mess with people and their traditions!" I pass absolutely NO judgment on good Christian families who celebrate Santa to the max, nor do I pass judgment on families who choose to avoid anything and everything about "Santa." I have seen families who celebrate Santa to the max do so in a spirit of "letting their kids be kids" and those same kids grow up undamaged and faithful. I have also seen families do the opposite, and there is good to that as well! The Lord can use many different ways of drawing us close to him. Its interesting to note (I read recently) that a couple hundred years ago hardly anyone in our country celebrated Christmas. It was only when the invention of the secular Santa Claus came into play that Christmas became an excited holiday season for thousands (who previously didn't pay it much mind). I do not resent this at all. I see the good in it: sometimes secular traditions can pave the way for more people to discover the real reason for the season. After all, God can bring goodness out of anything!

For us, we simply have found through prayer what works for us (at least we think we have), and we live it. We have decided that we don't want to hide from our culture. After all, our kids have to grow up in our culture and know how to relate and respond to it so they can impact it for good. We do talk to them about things they might hear, and that its okay to pretend (kids do love to pretend, and we just make sure they know its okay to pretend as long as we understand its all in anticipation and excitement of Jesus' birth!..we don't get any more specific than just that). We have told them that the Spirit of St. Nicholas is very real and inflames our souls with the spirit of generosity at Christmas, all for the glory of the Christ child. We haven't specifically told them that WE are the ones who leave gifts in the stocking or presents out on Christmas morning, we just haven't made a big deal about it. Sometimes our oldest asks, "So...how exactly DO the gifts get in our stocking?," to which I respond, "hmm..what do you think?" and she says "I don't know" as she happily skips away. So far, our kids, while excited for presents, do wake up Christmas morning legitimately excited that "JESUS IS BORN!" and they rush to the manger to find baby Jesus carefully placed within it.

Oh and we do have a "Magic tree elf." It is truly just a cloth elf doll, similar to the "elf on a shelf" ones you see in stores, which we tuck into the center of the tree, sitting on a branch. On Christmas eve, as we sit around our tree and read the beginning of the Gospel of Luke. Then we stare at the lit tree, reflecting on the glory of the first Christmas. Then (coincidentally, just at bed time), the tree elf will "jump around" in anticipation that Jesus is about to be born. We don't see the elf jump, we just see a branch or two of the tree shake. When the kids see the branches of the Christmas tree begin to shake, that means they have to run to bed b/c Christmas is coming, and Jesus is about to be born! I never see my kids go to bed, and fall asleep, as quickly as they do on Christmas Eve. I wonder how long this will last?:)

Take all that I've shared with a grain of salt- its just what our own family is doing this year. We are always learning, expanding our traditions, and growing in our focus on Christ (at least I pray that we are!)...and we are always open to changing as the needs of our family change. I don't believe that "we have found the true way" or ANYTHING like it. I sincerely love that families, all inherently different, can express their Christmas devotion in various ways!

May you all have a Blessed Advent season. If anyone would like to share their own Advent or Christmas traditions, I would love to read about them!

The truth is...

The other day I was graced with a visit from a friend, a fellow mother with young children of her own. During the course of our conversation, this mother revealed to me that she struggles with feelings of insecurity. I listened intently to her speak. As she continued to confess her insecurities, especially around other women, I couldn't help but feel this great sense of admiration and respect for this mother standing before me.

Because, you see, it takes a great deal of courage, self-awareness, and self-confidence to admit when you feel insecure. The truth is: we are all insecure in some way, shape, or form. We just don't all admit it.

I related directly to what this dear friend was saying. And what I admired even more was that she verbally recognized that the solution to her insecurity was to grow in her security of Christ.

After our time of mother-visit was over, I found myself reflecting on my own "insecurities," and how they have changed over the years. And I found myself meditating on how the closer Christ calls me to Himself, and the more I give myself to Him, the more secure I have become...relying less on exterior validations for my worth, and putting less weight on what people think of me, and more weight on how well I live the Kingdom (that is to say, how well I live Christ to others). In looking back on my life, I discovered an interesting, albeit not surprising, correlation: the times in my life that I've actively sought a deeper relationship with the Lord are directly correlated to the times in my life when I've been able to carry out my mission and my vocation in the world with greater confidence!

Gradually, over time, the Lord is chipping away (okay, chizeling away) at my insecurities and teaching me that to live closer to Him and to follow Him is the only place to find fulfillment. Don't get me wrong, I am so very far from perfect, and I fall...often...flat on my face. But it was fruitful for me to spend some time reflecting on this correlation. Jesus, I beg of you to continue to teach this to me. How often I forget it!

Each year I have the grace of attending a Spiritual Exercises retreat (yes, it is silent- those that know me, can you imagine me silent for 4 days?). The last night of the retreat, there is a Holy Hour (where the Jesus Christ Truly Present in the Holy Eucharist is then left exposed overnight for all to adore). During this Holy Hour, all retreatants pray this prayer a loud:

The Litany of Humility
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That, in the opinion of the world, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930),
Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X

It is always a powerful experience. How difficult many of those lines are to say! But perhaps...just perhaps...it is in response to this prayer that the Lord has given me many opportunities to overcome my vanity, henceforth gradually molding me (ever so gradually, because I am SLOW!) to Him. Like stone. Christ is truly the ultimate security. He does not promise a life free of trial or an easy road. Rather, he promises crosses, hardships, sacrifices, and potentially martyrdom. This is the security we Christians, by our Baptism, are destined (and responsible) to actively seek. How different this is from a worldly definition of security, that conveys a message of fame, fortune, and popularity.

Somebody recently commented to me how good I am at organizing things. This same person went on to say how confident and outgoing I am. Oh if they only knew me, imperfect me, at my root, they would know that these good qualities are not I, but Christ who lives in me. I try to explain that, but this person did not believe that I ever could have been any different. I tell you I was...and I am. But over time, the more I willingly give myself to Christ, the more He changes me. I know that I have learned to accomplish tasks set before me only because I have learned (and am constantly learning) to be rooted in Christ first, and to seek not my own approval, but to more effectively serve all souls I meet, especially those under my own roof. No apostolate (including that of serving my family) can ever be fruitful if it is not fueled by the power of prayer and sacrifice! I've also learned that the hard way. Sometimes I still forget it. Also, it is good to remember that my definition of an apostolic work being fruitful may not be the Lord's definition of it. All I can do is offer Him my best efforts, and He can turn them into gold as He sees fit.

I am grateful to this mother for her witness of humility and of courage (for it takes great courage to be humble!) in recognizing her weakness without the Lord. This woman figured out in no time what has taken me years to even begin to understand.

The Latest Disease to Strike Us: Social Media

It is hard to believe it has been over 2 months since I last posted. What can I say- life with my 3 little ones is just so wonderful I couldn't bare to miss a moment, even to step away and blog. Right now they are all 3 happily watching Thanksgiving Day football with their Daddy, and I am relaxing my full Thanksgiving stomach!

I have posted before concerning the matter of Facebook not truly connecting people, and I made the argument that it is actually driving them (all of us) apart, as a human race. This post is along those lines, but doesn't just pertain to Facebook, rather to the matter of personal attention.

Can you think of the last time someone, a stranger or a friend, truly looked you in the eyes when you spoke, or when they spoke to you. Can you recall how it made you feel? I'm going to venture a say that it more than likely made you feel important, like you mattered to them. People are starving for personal attention these days! How rare it really is, with all the noise and busyness of our modern lives. My personal theory is that our society's obsession with social media is largely to blame.

My husband often comments about how difficult it has become to get to know people at a large company. The opportunities for meeting other people used to be on the way into or out of work, or even in the elevator. But over time, my husband has noticed people becoming more and more uncomfortable with actually socializing (that is, with any socializing that is NOT online). Every morning, he enters the elevator at work to ride 7 stories up with a bunch of people who are ALL staring at their i-phones. They can't even look up to say "good morning." My husband has made it his personal mission to try to break this habit, and so makes an effort to greet everyone who walks into the elevator. But those whom he addresses either look at him like he's crazy, or they don't look at him at all and mumble, "mornin" whilst they quickly and awkwardly pull their phones out of their pockets and begin to text or search...lest they be subject to small talk (God forbid!).

I have assured my husband it is not just him they are avoiding. I encounter this myself...and I observe it happening all over- in all walks of life. Just recently, I had gone to a gathering where I was looking forward to getting to know some other mothers a little better. Most of the mothers made broken conversation, but starred almost constantly at their phones, poking around, typing, and searching, whilst mumbling "uh huh, uh huh." One such mother even texted me after this event and said she really enjoyed "getting to know" me at the gathering. I had to laugh out loud when I read that! Getting to know me? I didn't feel she cared at all what I was saying. Instead, I felt only that I was intruding on her "search" time, and so I had cut my sentences short. The conversation could never truly progress because there was limited mutual conversing, and no such thing as awkward silence. You see, awkward silence is important because its in the silence that new topics have a chance to arise. But these days I see that people are absolutely terrified of awkward silence, so they escape from it by diving into their phones.

I do not think, nor do I make the assumption, that this is intentional. I do not believe that they are thinking, "I really can't stand this girl, so I'm going to ignore her by searching online on my phone." Rather, I think we as a race are becoming SO conditioned to social media, its simply TOO tempting to not pick up that phone and just check the latest facebook comments, or see if someone has emailed back. I catch myself doing this when I just HAVE to finish an email that, lets be honest, could have waited, while my kids wait and beg for me to answer them a question, or play a game, or just BE with them. Can we not just BE with people anymore?

This is the disease. And it is creeping up like an unseen tumor and growing larger and larger by the day. I wonder when it will burst?

Think about the people that have made you feel most loved, most respected, and most important. Do they listen to you? I mean really listen. Look you in the eyes kind of listen. Such people really impact me. I feel connected. I feel important. Personal attention is incredibly important if we want to save souls! At my most recent birth (birth is on my mind as I'm preparing for another one, and so this example is fresh on my mind) I was blessed with the presence of one of my midwife's apprentices, whom I barely knew at the time. She looked at me, straight in the eyes, with such compassion and understanding, and listened wholeheartedly to every single one of my fears, questions, and desires. All of my fears of feeling embarrassed or inadequate were erased, and (I realized later) I was filled up with the feeling that I mattered. That was my best birth...and I feel strongly that is why.

The ultimate example of an individual who gave personal attention to souls, and had the biggest impact on the world (ever) was Jesus Christ. Second to him was his Mother Mary (these both continue to impact the world even today).

Think of the woman at the well (John 4:1-42). Jesus gave her such personal attention that it changed her life forever. He looked her in the eyes. He lovingly listened to her, and called her out on her sin. It had such a deep impact on her that she had to run and tell the rest of the town. There are MANY other cases in the Gospel of when Jesus gave personal attention to a soul. Just look at each of his miracles. What I find particularly fruitful is to meditate and reflect on how the Lord has given ME personal attention throughout my life. He constantly comes to my level to meet me where I am, so as to raise me up. He sends me just the challenges and the perfect graces that I, myself, personally need at any given time. He is ALL about personal attention.

His mother, Mary, when hearing about her elderly cousin about to give birth, made haste to be with her and serve her (Luke 1:39-56). She traveled far and wide in her own first trimester of pregnancy, dropping everything on her personal agenda, just to be with her cousin and support her. Also, at the wedding feast of Cana (John 2:1-11), it was Mary who noticed that the newlyweds were out of wine to serve (something that back then would have greatly shamed the new couple), and so asked her son to reveal his glory by doing something about it. Personal attention, and attention to detail!

Should we not, then, follow these examples? If the Lord gives us such personalized attention, should we not then also seek to reach each person we come into contact with unconditional love and attention?

The times in my life when someone really stopped to listen, or show they cared, whether for any reason big or small, it impacted me. I want to give that to others. And I do fear that I have failed in this respect, so many times.

I think social media has made us so used to communicate WHEN we want, HOW we want, and WHAT we want...with the ability to just shut off the conversation or online chat whenever we become tired of it and then move onto the next thing (whatever that might be). Online social media can be a great and wonderful tool for evangelization and service...but it should NEVER take the place of real, authentic personal attention to another

Perhaps I'm old-fashioned, but I have come to believe it is better to have a few true close friends (of a deep quality friendship), than a bunch of people who check your facebook status every now and then and call themselves your "friends?" (These same people mind you, can "de-friend" you if they get tired of you. How elementary school is THAT?). How much more it means when you give a personal phone call, instead of a "what's up" on someone's wall? (This is something else my husband lives by- he never emails in the place of a personal phone call...if he is wondering how someone is doing, he calls them. I am learning a great deal about personal attention from my husband's standards of living).

Like I said before, Facebook, or other social media, CAN (and should) be used for good; but it would do ALL of society good to keep ourselves in check.

I ask myself:
Do I overuse this method of social media or the internet?
Does it ever interfere with the needs of my children and family?
Does being online all the time make me less available to the needs of those around me?
Does social media fill the silence in my life so much so that I do not leave room for the Holy Spirit to speak to me? (after all, the Holy Spirit whispers and can only be heard in the silence).
What can I change RIGHT NOW for the better in this regard (maybe its limiting my email time, or online time).

Personally, I have a rule for myself. I do not pull my phone out when I am visiting with someone else, or when someone is visiting me. I do not glance at it when someone else is talking. Rather, I seek, and I really do desire, to look them in the eye and listen to them. This is something I am not always very good at...but I think it is a noble goal.

Give kids A LOT of free time to foster creativity

I think this mom hacked into my brain and discovered all my thoughts about children and school. I couldn't have said this better myself.

My "role" in all of this is to set up an environment that fosters and encourages creativity. A whole library of books, plenty of arts and craft supplies, wooden toys (that don't make noise and don't have batteries- these stifle creativity!), outside time, and room to breath!

I appreciate when she says that yes, children should learn to listen, complete a task, and focus on work...but our society's schooling mentality has come to believe that this is accomplished by forcing them into an over-scheduled and very tight box of living. Oddly enough, when left the room to create and truly LIVE, and when in a loving home environment that values virtue, children do learn these things.

But what do I know...my kids are 5 and under. This woman, however...she has 4 grown kids...she speaks from experience!

Now where'd that "peace" run off to?

A couple weeks ago I wrote a post expressing a deep inner peace in which I had found myself encompassed. If you remember, I noted that I did not think it would, nor should, last very long. That peace that comes easy is a blessing, surely...or a glimpse, rather, of what we should be seeking ALL THE TIME, regardless of external circumstances or factors.

Well, at the time I wrote that post, I had just discovered that I was pregnant, and I was on cloud 9. I still am, in may ways...at least I'm sure that cloud is somewhere around here amidst all this exhaustion and nausea. And that's what happened. That's what knocked me off my peace horse. I am so tired ALL of the time. I wake up in the morning, and 15 minutes later I find myself wondering how much longer until nap time. And then the nausea...it comes in waves, hits at various points throughout the day, and in the middle of the night. Those mothers that have had similar symptoms in early pregnancy may relate when I say that such discomfort actually brings me comfort: the physical discomfort brings me emotional comfort that everything is working the way it should.

Regardless, I get stuck in this tunnel of muck. Its hard for me to see past the immediate condition of each day: the mess that I can't physically even begin to keep up with, the laundry that is not getting done, the dishes piling in the sink, the meals that aren't getting cooked, my husband's lunches that aren't getting pre-packed, and my children who are left to entertain themselves while I lay useless on the couch, or on the bathroom floor.

And then, there are those wonderful pregnancy emotions. I'm sure that adds to the apparent gloom I'm apt to feel. I try to remind myself this is just a phase, and before I know it I'll be back to my bubbly self delighting in the kids and their interests, and able to tend to the home. My husband, my wonderful husband, is so helpful, compassionate, understanding, and encouraging. And my kids really are doing well...the guilt is just all mine...I feel I should be doing more with them each day, like I was just 3 weeks ago. Alas, I physically cannot, and the emotional guilt sets in.

I'd like to believe that most of this is just in my head, and its not as bad as it sounds, but my oldest daughter innocently said something today that awakened me to just what its like from her side of the fence.

We had been out all day as a family, shuffling from one thing to another, when my husband, noticing my pure exhaustion and oncoming nausea, announced we'd be going out to dinner.

The kids all cheered, and the oldest said in amazement, "Really?! Again?!" (this would be the 2nd time this week).

I turned and I said to her, "Yes, we go out to eat more than usual when mommy's pregnant, nauseous, and tired, and its hard for me to cook."

Then came a response, meant compassionately, that sort of hurt, "I know mommy, and its just not easy that you have to care for THREE kids all the time."

My heart sank. I whipped around to face her in the car and said, "Oh, baby, I know mommy's been tired and sick lately, but caring for you 3 is my FAVORITE thing to do, its the best thing I've done my entire life, and I LOVE caring for you. I LOVE you SO MUCH!" (she did return a great big smile and a "I love you, too").

I know she was trying to be compassionate, but I was left feeling horrible that my children somehow got that message by my recent behavior. Have I really been lamenting THAT much about every day duties that my oldest feels that caring for them is a BURDEN?

And then my pregnancy hormones took those emotions someplace dark...someplace I knew I had to get out of fast. I could not stay down there wallowing about that, allowing myself to feel down and depressed about it. I concluded that I need to do 3 things: 1) hug my children A LOT more, and even if I don't feel well somehow let them know that they are still the most important persons in the world (even if its saying "yes" to a book), 2) forgive myself and lower my expectations of what I can reasonably accomplish during this first trimester, and 3) resolve to choose joy.

Here I am, realizing now is that time I need to rekindle that inner peace I experienced a couple weeks ago...that profound joy. Perhaps that's why the Lord allowed me to feel it, so that I would know what I needed to seek during this time. I am always moved to hear about people facing life-threatening illnesses who announce their peace and joy even through their suffering. Next to what they face, my situation seems trivial. How can I find that peace? How can I choose it?

I remember

Remembering 9/11 and the value of life. This video is a must see.

My favorite education author

This weekend we completely cleaned out, decluttered, and reorganized our office, with the help of some new shelves from IKEA. It is a relief to have this finished!

In the process, I came across the books I have mentioned before that I had lost for some time: those of John Holt, "Learning all the Time," "How Children Learn," and "How Children Fail."

He is without mistake my favorite author on the education of children. Without even knowing it, his approach hits on a core understanding of the whole human person, how the Creator Himself designed us with a desire for knowledge and an amazing ability to use the resources around us to learn.

I want to share briefly (and I will try to be brief) a few excerpts from the first part of "Learning all the Time" that I have enjoyed this morning. If they appeal to you, by all means, order the book! I'll venture to say you won't regret it.

In John Holt's words:
"[This] book will be a demonstration that children, without being coerced or manipulated, or being put in exotic, specially prepared environments, or having their thinking planned or ordered for them, can, will, and do pick up from the world around them important information about what we call the Basics. It will also demonstrate that "ordinary" people, without special training and often without large amounts of schooling themselves, can give their children whatever slight assistance may be needed to help them in their exploration of the world, and that to do this task requires no more than a little tact, patience, attention, and readily available information."

And on the following page, "This is not a book about 'How to Help Your Child Succeed in School.' It is a book about children learning By learning I mean making more sense of the world around them. (let me try this again) Learning, to me, means making more sense of the world around us, and being able to do more things in it. Success in school means remembering the answers to teacher's questions, getting clever about guessing what answers they will ask, and about how to fool them when you don't know the answers. In this book I will for the most part be discussing...things we might do to make various aspects of the world more accessible, interesting, and transparent to children."

The first chapter, which I am currently re-reading, and enjoying just as much if not more than the first time I read it 5 years ago, is on Reading and Trust, Discovering Letters, Exploring words, and true reading readiness. It is filled with Holt's own interesting observations and experiences as a well-known and largely respected educator of his time (this book was written in the 80's).

O, how it lays my mind at ease and puts me in the proper mindset to approach my children with an attitude that far better supports THEM, as PERSONS, searching for confidence and support as they embark into the wonderful world of print.

Rest assured, I am not turning this blog into an education-philosophy blog. But this is a part of who I am, a part deeply intertwined in my faith, by which I have found gives breath and life to the truth of the human person as taught by the Church. By approaching the education of my children in this way, with this basis, I am testifying to the Love of Christ in them because I am understanding, respecting, and appreciating each one's unique and amazing ability TO LEARN without ME (or anyone for that matter) being one who teaches them to split back answers without truly understanding, without truly learning. Every day, my husband and I pray that we will educate our children in such a way that gives Glory to the Lord, and best prepares them for the unique vocation He has for each of them. And this is the path we're being led on. This is where Christ is leading us. Us. Our unique family. And so we leap forward in confidence, looking always to Christ as we go along, and being open to how He leads us.

Time with Kids

I am pondering this quote this morning, from none other than our beloved Holy Father:

A child needs loving attention. This means that we must give children some of our time, the time of our life…To have time and to give time- this is for us a very concrete way to learn to give oneself, to lose oneself in order to find oneself." (Pope Benedict XVI, December 22, 2006)

What a great summary of how the Lord has been leading me. He's been leading, as I mentioned before, in the virtue of simplicity. Exterior simplicity, simplicity of schedule, simplicity of goals, yes...but interior simplicity, simplicity of demeanor (that comes from the heart), and simplicity of faith. How much I can learn from my innocent children about how to have faith.

Today I will look them in their eyes, the gateway to their soul, and seek to give each a few moments of the very unique and personal attention that each desperately and unknowingly needs.

Baby News! And reflections on questions we're getting used to hearing.

We recently discovered we are pregnant with baby #4! We are thrilled at the news, and our 3 little daughters haven't stopped squealing for joy. They genuine and innocent love and appreciation for new life is refreshing, and inspiring. In a society where more than 2 or 3 kids is seen as "crazy" and "irresponsible," its nice to know we're raising children who know and understand the value of an unborn life. Such people truly are ignorant.

You know what the craziest argument against having "a lot" of kids is? "They are putting too much CO2 into the atmosphere and are using up all the oxygen." Really? See, science teaches us that trees make more oxygen! Also, did God not tell Adam and Eve to "fill the earth and subdue it?" and to "Be fruitful and multiply?" Anyway, that's just one of the absurd things I've heard, in addition to other false assumptions about so-called "over-population" (when really most of the world is NOT replacing its population).

There is absolutely nothing like experiencing a new life within you. This is a gift I treasure. And I can tell you, it doesn't get old. I am so much in love with this baby that I have yet to feel or hold, and I am left in continual awe of the creative power of the Lord. And I'm in awe of my husband. So in love with him!

As you can imagine, with 3 daughters already, and no sons, we are preparing ourselves for the numerous comments we expect to get throughout this pregnancy. Ones such as:
So you're hoping this is a boy, right?
Oh you tried again for a boy!
Oh no, if its a girl, you're POOR husband!

These are all opportunities I know to be a positive witness. But lets be honest, especially when said in front of our 3 daughters, such comments and assumptions are tiresome and can be hurtful. Hurtful, I say, because no one can understand (but us) the immense love we have for our daughters, and how we would consider it to be an honor if our vocation were to raise daughters only in this world. We would not be one bit disappointed to discover its a girl, and its hurtful to think others assume we would be disappointed. Its also hurtful to think that our kids may overhear this and wonder if we would have rather had boys instead of them. I do know that the comment of "oh, poor dad" to my husband is hurtful to him. He loves his daughters more than anything in the world, and says there is NOTHING like when they wrap their little arms around his neck and say "I love you, Daddy, very much." He has said to me that he would absolutely LOVE if we had all girls. What a man!

Would we be excited if its a boy? Absolutely! I know I'd have a lot to learn but it would be an adventure (and that little boy would be totally loved and spoiled by his three big sisters)! We will be equally thrilled if it is a girl. Truly, boy or girl, this is not what's on our mind at this time. I think people assume that all we think about is what we "want" and "prefer" since, you know, we can control our family. Rather, we are finding this news of a new pregnancy an opportunity to re-examine our call to parenthood and to look at our 3 little girls and hug them close. I know this phase of life is fleeting in the grand scheme of eternity, and I want to soak up every minute!

Other typical questions are:
So are you done after this?
How many are you going to have?

I don't mind these questions, really. I think in a society where people are used to planning their family size to an exact science these are typical questions to ask. Also, I think people are genuinely just trying to make conversation and don't mean anything personally. But I've really spent some time reflecting on this. My conclusion comes from some loving advice from a mother of 12 children. Matt had just started graduate school last January, in addition to working full time, and our baby had just started crawling. The 2 year old was having a plethera of tantrums, and the then 4 year old was...well...she's always good. But I was overwhelmed. I had a little mini-break down with some friends, all who happen to be more experienced mothers. I asked them, "If I feel overwhelmed with 3 little ones, how will I ever have 4 or 5 or 8...because we want a big family!" This one mother of 12 said something that I really needed to hear, and didn't expect to hear. She said, with wisdom that can only come from raising 12 children with God's grace:

"I don't think anyone should have as their GOAL to have a big family. Your 'goal' should be to have the number of kids you have right now...because you can't ask for tomorrow's grace today. In other words, you can't imagine having 4 or 5 kids because you don't HAVE 5 kids, and therefore the GRACE isn't there for the asking. Of course the idea seems overwhelming! You do, however, have the grace for your 3 kids. If someday, you have more, God will give you the grace for those, too."

This resonated with both of us, and this idea has influenced our outlook on the matter. We LOVE our now 4 children, and wouldn't trade them for the world. We are grateful and consider ourselves blessed by their presence in our lives. If for some reason, I don't know what...but some reason, we cannot have more children after this then we will be grateful for these 4. I learned a lot from that mother. All I can speak of is the present moment. Right now, I have 3 born children, and 1 in utero, and I ask God every day for the grace to be the mother He needs and they need me to be. Its all about one step at a time. We no longer think of any particular number of kids as our "goal." What we do have as our goal is to have the number of kids that we have RIGHT NOW. Then, in the near future, if that number increases, we would welcome it with joy trusting in God's grace and wisdom!

We also feel blessed to have the guidance of the Holy Church on matters of family planning. Contraception is not an option, sterilization neither. My husband and I love this great adventure of being collaborators with the Lord in His creation! Should we someday be called to have 10-12 kids, we would accept that mission and vocation with joy, having confidence that the Lord does not give us what we cannot handle. But that isn't our "goal." Who knows what the future holds or where the Lord will lead us! Probably, and likely, somewhere we would never expect! But should we prayerfully discern a valid reason to purposely avoid a pregnancy, the Church in her wisdom has an option for us: natural family planning (charting fertility signs and cycles for avoiding or achieving a pregnancy). We always want to do His will. This summer when my cycle returned (I enjoy 13-14 months of ammenoreah, which means no period, while ecologically breastfeeding after a birth), we talked about possibly avoiding a pregnancy for a few months. But it just didn't feel right in our hearts. We trust the Lord's guidance, and we felt excited at whatever adventure lay ahead. And here we are! So grateful for this baby, and looking forward with great anticipation to the joys and trials of adjusting to a growing family! But it was good to go through that discussion period, it drew us closer together, and made us more active participants in following the Lord's will. The funny thing is, we really didn't expect this baby...the timing just didn't seem to line up for a pregnancy...but, the Lord works in many ways, and a baby that's intended by Him is a baby that's created (when the openness to life is there).

Earlier this week I wrote about peace. I do feel so at peace. Maybe its the calm before the storm...I'll let you know:) In the meantime, please remember us in prayer! You are in mine.

Peace amidst the chaos

"Peace" is one of those things that I usually dream of, and wonder what it must be like. After all, I have 3 young children, a husband working full time AND attending graduate school, and a hopping house! But interior peace is something of a gift. It is a particular grace that I specifically prayed for recently, and though I'm not sure why the Lord deemed me worthy, alas the grace of peace is abounding. The last few days I have felt this wonderful interior peace, the kind that doesn't disturb easily because its rooted in the right place. The kind of peace that comes from knowing that most of my "stress" is about things that really don't matter in the great scheme of eternity. And yes, they are legitimate human stresses.

Money...huge human stress. Bills. Oh yes, you all know what I'm talking about, especially any of you who know what's it like to receive an onslaught of medical bills for months in a row. Marriage...has its moments. Parenting...has its moments. Daily chores and housekeeping...I hesitate to even go there. Social stresses, such as trying to decide which homeschool group to integrate further into, and what the Lord's will is for us in that regard.

I can't really explain what it is, if I have to narrow it down to how I feel so at peace amidst all this. But I believe that is because there is no human explanation except that God is amazing, and there are times of separation (where its hard to know if He's even there- those times that really test your faith), and times of fulfillment. And that God, in His immense goodness, never refuses to give us something that He determines is good for us.

I don't think there is anything particularly "right" I did to get here. Nor do I think it will, or should, last very long. All I know is that right now, in this present moment (days, really), I feel SO at peace. And that translates into a better demeanor toward my husband and children, and a better attitude and ability to accomplish whatever housework I can (in all honesty, being honest with myself about what I can accomplish without being lazy or going over the top). This balance I know comes from Christ. My circumstances haven't changed, I just have the grace to face them better.

We've had a wonderful few days. The rhythm of our activities have been smooth and pleasurable. I have kept up with my responsibilities in the home (without going over the top- I'm not trying to fool anyone- I do NOT have sparkly floors and ALL the laundry done, but I have done a few loads, and managed to keep the kitchen sink empty and clean- this is a huge accomplishment for me). I have also thoroughly enjoyed every moment with my children! Are they perfect? No. Am I? Certainly not. But whatever comes our way, I've been able to face it peacefully, becoming stern (though not angry) when necessary, humble when I'm wrong, and patient when its needed most. And the gentleness has come so naturally. Energy, too...I've been able to accomplish more than I thought I could in a day.

And my marriage...well, I learned something last weekend in Spiritual Direction with a wonderful priest whom we were blessed to have over for dinner. He gave me some excellent points to meditate on. Points that are hard not to share...perhaps I'll share more another time. For now, since I know my husband reads this, lets keep it a mystery so I can continue to work on it.

And you know what? I just realized that all of this has to be a fruit of my virtue for this year. I attend an annual Spiritual Exercises retreat, during which I craft a "program of life." You identify your root sin and then year after year you choose a virtue with means for attaining it that will, year by year, gradually take the edge off my root sin. Anyhow, without turning this into a Confessional, I can say that my virtue for this year is "Simplicity." The definition of simplicity as a Christian virtue is: rely on God for everything, answers are simple (yes/no), conduct is simple, lean on God for everything, fear nothing because you know God is there.

I have struggled with this one. I tend to allow the passion to get the best of me in moments of challenge, and I am horrible at maintaining that eternal perspective. But for whatever reason, the Lord has blessed me with the grace to know what true simplicity is like (and that inner peace that comes from it). I am humbled by this gift of peace, and grateful for it. I pray that I can use it to His glory in some way. But I also have no doubt that soon the plug will be pulled, and I will, in the true spirit of spiritual growth, once again be challenged to pursue the virtue even when I don't feel it, and even when its hardest. Perhaps the Lord allowed me to feel the peace so that I know better exactly what to pursue? I don't know...but I'm grateful nonetheless, as I will also be grateful when the "easy" part is over and its time to work at the virtue more intensely. Another opportunity to rely on the Lord!

God is good...so good.

Reflections on Early Education and the "Liberation of Learning"

By now, for those of you who have been following my blog, and those that know me, it is no secret that we tend toward a more child-led, natural, and gentle approach to homeschooling. Some may call us "relaxed homeschoolers," but I assure you it sure doesn't feel relaxing! At any rate, it is a smooth and gentle environment (and from the kids perspective, it is relaxing) for learning to happen in each day.

I am currently reading two books on the matter. Those of you that know me also know that I tend to "read" many parenting/breastfeeding/birth/education books all at once. Presently, and surprisingly, it is only 2, and they both happen to be education books: Better Late than Early, by the Moores, and Educating the WholeHearted Child, by Sally Clarkson (please note: this link is for the latest edition, while the copy I will reference, which I purchased on consignment is the 2nd edition).

Of course, I have to put in a plug for my all-time favorite early childhood book, Learning all the Time, by John Holt, which consequently I seem to have misplaced...maybe I lent it to someone?

Before I dive into some snapshots of the books, a disclaimer (as usual): your style of homeschooling (or not homeschooling) is unique and personal. What I am about to share is not a judgment or reflection on anyone else's choices. Rather, I seek to share some text that we find particularly and personally enlightening and that resonate with our unique family. Maybe you'll like what I'm about to share, maybe you won't. At any rate, we all entitled to selecting the method we want (and most importantly, that which we discern is God's will).

In Better Late than Early, the Moores present a philosophy well supported by sound research. Their bottom line claim is that no child is truly ready for academic work until age 8. Are you shocked? I was, too, at first, until I saw that they are not recommending that parents "do nothing" until that time. Rather, they outline how very essential it is for children to be close to their parents (ideally at home) with as much freedom to pursue their curiosities as possible, without sacrificing the formation of good habit (ie: the importance of chores and reasonable responsibilities at each age) and virtuous obedience to the parents.

On page 21: Without professional training, simply by being herself, a concerned, loving mother usually can do more for her normal child than a teacher can. Parents should, of course, be willing to learn new ideas. But a mother need not be a trained teacher, nor does she need to teach in any formal way. By using the framework of everyday home activities in a practical way, she can help her child learn as much as possible about the things around him.

This is exactly what reading John Holt's Learning all the Time helped us to see early on in our parenting (eager parents we were, we read that book when our oldest was just 6 months old). Reading that and having the amazing example of my dear cousin (sister, friend) and how she was with her own children...seeing the value of learning in everyday circumstances, and seizing opportunities.

I particularly like the quote above, though, for the reason that it addresses the concerns of many critics of homeschooling that argue that a mother should be required by law to be a licensed teacher in order to homeschool her own children: a criticism, unfounded in any sound research, that makes my blood boil within my veins when its said to my face (I am working at a more level headed, virtuous response to such comments).

In chapter 7, the Moores lay out the time line by which children develop their senses (particularly sight and sound) and brain functioning. They assure parents not to worry if their child, at a young age, seems to lag "behind" others his age. All children develop differently. They say:
If a child is required to develop basic skills in reading, writing, arithmatic and language arts before the various functions of the brain balance out, he often will give the impression that he is retarded or mentally disabled. Such "learning disabilities" frequently disappear with thoughtful parenting, when the child is withdrawn from kindgarden or primary school and given freedom from studies for another year or two. But if he is kept at these learning tasks before he is ready for them, he may develop any one of the many problems associated with learning failure. Some of these problems are as simple as hesitation, confusion of words or reversal of letters; some may be more complex nervous disorders, such as stuttering, stammering or severe psychological disturbances.

And this:
We must realize that the child who is required to learn things before he is ready may quickly tire of them. Or he may become anxiety-ridden and so frustrated that he will not try at all.

An interesting point to ponder. Ask any child that goes to school and they view learning as a drag. In fact, I do know homeschoolers in the same situation. Its all in how you do it, I think. Basically, the "smart" ones are bored, and the "slower" ones have anxiety at trying to meet someone else's standards of excellence.

So when do neurological abilities usually balance out in early development? The Moores cite research that these abilities mature rapidly between ages of 5 and 7, and reach a point of efficiency in functioning at age 10 or 11. They conclude: At this age, the various aspects of a child's development have reached a level of maturity and integration that make learning relatively easy.

So if a child doesn't start school until age 8, won't they be behind? On the contrary, they do not suggest that a child at age 8 enter into the first grade. They are suggesting that a majority (if not all) of the material taught in conventional schools (and homeschool curriculums) can be learned faster and more easily at a later age (8) with less risk to the child's emotional and mental health, and that such children are statistically proven to be better adjusted and more successful learners by ages 8-12 than those put in school early on (many children now are thrust into formal learning at age 3, or younger!).

The 2nd half of the book is spent laying out suggestions that are appropriate to a child's development (in regards to learning and their abilities) at each stage. However, they include a chapter on infancy that is appauling, so readers beware. The rest of the book is so well-founded with good research, but then they throw in unfounded claims about infancy that make no sense. For example, they claim the importance of a child developing trust and attachment with the parent, but then recommend that a parent tie a babies arms down and leave them in their crib to cry, lest you would surely raise a spoiled child (in fact, they guarantee the child will be spoiled). Yikes. At the beginning of the book, they encourage anyone who finds opposing research to anything that they present to send it to them. Do I have opposing evidence to that? Boy, do I ever. They will be getting a big packet from me. Maybe I should send them my own kids as evidence against their claim? Okay, maybe not...but the packet, yet.

I say this not to take away from the rest of the book because the rest of it really is based on solid research! I would recommend the book, excluding that chapter, to anyone.

Anyway, back on track...and on to Educating the WholeHearted Child by Sally Clarkson. As with most things, take what works for you and leave the rest. The following excerpts resonate with me:

(From page 2)
Your home can and should be a warm, vibrant place where your children love to learn as freely and as naturally as they love to play. In fact, education should be a natural activity of every Christian home...For many homeschooling families, though, the tyranny of textbooks and the rigid rule of school have stolen the joy of homeschooling. The freedom that home schooling should bring is held captive by the impersonal formality and constant demands of structured curricula. Families with the right intentions become enslaved to the wrong educational methods- methods designed for human institutions, not for the home. (bold print mine for emphasis).

I think this is an important point. Structured programs of "learning" are truly designed for classrooms with an average 30:1 student-teacher ratio. They need a structure, they need a system, and for them, it works (at least they claim it does). But some companies have caught on to the fact that there is big money in designing and pushing boxed curriculums on homeschooling families, often times resulting in a parent feeling less than capable to design their own. I speak somewhat from experience here, as I was homeschooled from 3-8th grade. I was the oldest child, and in the 80s there was not as much support for homeschoolers, so trying a boxed curriculum made sense to my parents, and they did...for a couple years, until my mom ventured into the unknown: designing her own "curriculum" year by year. I was on both sides of the spectrum: boxed curriculum, to relaxed, uniquely chosen collections of "subjects" and activities put together by my mom each semester. The latter did me better service, and I remember those years fondly.

My personal experience aside, I think that when discerning if a boxed curriculum/program is right for a family, it would do one good to weigh heavily the basic fact that it is a money-making institution- out to make money off of making parents feel they can't do it (can't successfully homeschool) without their programs. And if you do subscribe to a program or method, hopefully you can meet the challenge (and it is a challenge) of fitting the curriculum TO the child, instead of forcing the child to fit the program. That is my unprofessional, yet apparently research based opinion that Sally Clarkson echoes in her book (and I would consider her a professional).

She adds:
That was briefly our experience, too, until we realized that textbooks and formal curricula were artificial means of education. Rather than unleashing potential,they held it back. For us as parents, they created a false security that we were doing enough, and a false confidence that our children were really learning. For our children, they created a false dependency on formal methods of learning, and a false distinction between learning and living. We began to see how conventional classroom curricula diluted the wonder and joy of real learning, and turned it into a tedious and burdensome task unrelated to real life at home...On the other hand, our children naturally loved reading and being read to, talking about their own insights and ideas, learning through real life, and having time to explore and learn on their own. We knew instinctively this was how God intended our children to live and learn. It was the liberation of learning in our home!

Sally proceeds in her book to describe various methods of homeschooling, and the "pros" to each approach (oddly, she does not list the "cons"- perhaps she is being charitable? Or trying to focus on the positive and let families decide for themselves?). Its the best summary of the various philosophies that I've seen yet. Then, the meat of the book, is focused on the development of virtue and gifts in your child/ren. She talks about forming their "heart." Education at the heart is, after all, what matters the most, I would argue. After all, if the heart is in the right place, the mind follows, right? I think so. And she presents the best place for any heart to be: Christ, and her book is laced with beautiful quotes from scripture.

She also gives good guidelines for how to discern the proper use of curricula, practical guidelines for how to set up your home as a learning environment, and tips for how to teach to your child's own learning style.

Her approach is a whole-child, whole-hearted approach, and is very Christian. It is largely based on the Charlotte Mason approach of living books, and the formation of habit in children. I am enlightened by her ideas and suggestions and look forward to gathering more ideas from her! She reminds me a great deal of my other favorite book by Elizabeth Foss, "Real Learning: Education in the Heart of the Home." In fact, if you find any of this appealing, I highly recommend her blog. It was there that I first heard of Sally Clarkson's book. Truly, it is so much more than an "education" blog- it is about faith, family, mothering, homeschooling, living, serving and loving.

Since we're on this topic, I also wanted to share that I scored big time at our local homeschool-supply consignment store. I purchased cuisenaire rods (and activity books to match), hundreds boards, counting bears, some "living books" (quality literature to read to my children), some pre-K and K games (such as "how to tell time" and "alphabet bingo") to go in Luce's "Discovery Box". I'll add these to the other supplies and hands-on activities that we passed on to me from my mom. My plan is to, 3 days a week, set aside just 1 hour (including time for reading and exploring books together) to pull out the special activity blanket, pull some of these things out, and all have fun. I also created a "word box" in which Bella can write and file (alphabetically) all the words that she can read, and remember. That's about the extent of "phonics" we'll do this year. She's doing far better with this, and on her own, than when I attempted a more structured approach to forcing her to learn how to read. I did purchase phonogram cards with spelling rules at the store as well, but those will be put up for the time being. I have learned, seen, and am learning that when a child says she is "ready" to learn how to read, it doesn't really mean she is "ready" (in the sense of a sit-down and learn it until you like it approach). Sally and the Moores, in both of their prospective books, agree and make it vividly clear that children are not ready for sit-down academic "work" at the age of 5 and 6 (when most schools are teaching reading). Nor are they ready for the discipline of forced "learning" time (quoted since I have doubts that any real learning happens when it is forced against one's will...most certainly at that age).

Well, enough from the opinion portion of my brain. Now you know what I've been feeding on the last couple weeks!

Here are some quick links to the books I mentioned today:
Learning all the Time
Educating the WholeHearted Child
Better Late than Early
Real Learning: Education in the Heart of my Home

Another post to come later with some money-saving secrets (that aren't really that secret, I'm just that slow!).

More ready than I thought....

I showed her how to thread the machine, and how to stitch in a straight line. She practiced on some scraps. I walked away from the machine, and her confidence grew even more. I popped in when she needed me, and helped when I was asked (not very often). I love witnessing my children learning! They delight in it! They devour it! All I had to do was believe in her (instead of saying, "no, you can't...you're not old enough"). All that said, I must point out that I did consider her emotional maturity (and ability to follow rules for the proper use of materials and machines). Upon seeing how she took to the practice cloths so naturally and carefully, attentive to all the safety guidelines I had laid out, I could see she was ready for a project. Hence, I proceeded to give her permission for such. She can't wait to make another...and wants to work on a project with me. If that's not motivation for me to keep up with this sewing thing, I don't know what is!

All by herself, with my only guidance being to sew inside out, leaving an opening for stuffing, and giving her the materials, she made this adorable pillow. She even finished it off herself with a steady hand-stitch.

Then, my little successful seamstress, whose love language I am convinced is "gift-giving," so proud of her creation, immediately thought of someone special to give it to: our 13 year old cousin who is staying with us from out of state. Her little heart filled to the brim with generosity, knowing she worked so hard to create something, immediately thought not of herself, but of someone else she thought would enjoy it more than she would (and she would have enjoyed it for herself). I am so proud of it. I don't want to squash any of her naturally generous tendencies. However, I just might suggest she make a few more pillows because they are just too cute to resist! And so is she.

Finding my Groove...

...my sewing groove, that is! What you're about to see will seem quite elementary to all of you seasoned seamstresses, but this is truly an accomplishment for me. You see, I am an early beginner. I have been for a couple years now. The biggest obstacle to my progress beyond this stage has been my impatience and my tendency to cut corners or eliminate steps (something I have learned you cannot do with sewing). Also, I'm the type who usually gets more of a thrill from social interaction than from working alone. But alas, I am learning and growing! I have to say, this is my first successful project. Actually, my true first project is something I made the day before I made these, but that is to be a gift for someone special, so mums the word right now. I will post a picture of it after Wednesday (it was slightly more difficult of a project than these).

I chose a simple project. It is this skirt. My oldest requested that it be made longer for her. The younger two are a length more appropriate for their running, crawling, and playing (they wear shorts underneath).

I cannot take full credit for these without first thanking my husband who, amidst his intense graduate studies and work obligations, kept the baby occupied and out of the dining sewing room pretty much the entire weekend. My hope is, now that I've discovered the joy in this work, that I can discipline myself to work on projects after the kids go to bed (instead of being a lazy beached whale on the couch, watching Netflix films). As such, my new found hobby would not be a cause of any stress on the rest of the family. Also, my oldest wants, and I believe is ready, to learn a basic use of the sewing machine, so we can work on projects together during nap times.

Next on the list:
Cloth napkins (to reduce the waist of paper ones we fly through each day).

My goal:
To challenge myself with a slightly more difficult pattern (more difficult than this anyway). Dresses, maybe?

The biggest accomplishment, however, wasn't the physical result. For the first time ever, this weekend I discovered that sewing can be relaxing. Imagine that! I truly had forgotten the joy of having a goal, working for it, failing, trying again, and accomplishing it. By the end of these skirts, I was no longer becoming frustrated with simple obstacles, and was joyfully able to address whatever lay before me in a calm and peaceful fashion. Maybe such virtue will sort of carry over into my every day life! I could sure use that.

A milestone Birthday for an Amazing Man!

Happy 30th Birthday to my wonderful husband! I love you, baby! I am praising the Lord today for your wonderful life, you are a gift, a treasure, a prize!

Will post pictures of this momentous event soon.

The Glad Game

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Pollyanna, who was intent on finding the "glad side" to every misfortune or situation she encountered. The whole town had previously been consumed by their negativity and lost in their melancholy, but Pollyanna played "the Glad Game" with such innocence that she melted the hearts of everyone and changed their lives forever.

Once upon a time there was a little girl whose mother read to her the story of Pollyanna. They read at bedtimes, they read at daybreak. Once upon a time, this mother and daughter took a trip to Kansas together for a beautiful wedding of said-girl's godmother.

They read "Pollyanna" at the airport and on the plane. On their return journey together, they missed their connecting flight and found themselves stuck in Minnesota without another direct flight home. At once, mom, feeling overwhelmed from traveling with a 1 year old and 5 year old, tired from dragging 2 kids, a suitcase, a car seat, and a stroller through the large airport, and anxious to get home to her husband and other daughter, began to cry. Surrendering to the fact that instead of just one more flight, they now would have TWO more flights that day, and would have to wait around for 5 hours for the first one, the mother and daughter found a restaurant to sit in. The mother gained control of herself, straightened her posture, and told her daughter that despite her initial sadness, she was glad to get to have a leisurely lunch with her. The girls eyes lit up, a light bulb went on, and she responded, "There is always something to be glad about, Mom!"

The energy at the table changed instantly. Mother and daughter together began to list the many positive things about their situation. The girl was giddy that she was "being like Pollyanna."

True that it was not ideal, and true they missed home and sister and daddy, but:
1) if they hadn't missed their flight, they wouldn't have been able to enjoy lunch (in fact, they wouldn't have been able to eat lunch at all)
2) because they missed their flight, they could have fun browsing the kiosks and trying on funny hats

3) because their missed their flight, they could allow the baby a chance for a nap

4) because they missed their flight, they could finish reading "Pollyanna" together, and then play with sticker books.

5) because they missed their flight, they could play at the airport playground

6) because they missed their flight, they met a novice sister with SOLT, heard her story, and are now able to pray for her by name.
7) because they missed their flight, they both got a foot-massage

8) and even though they, sadly, they would miss Mass that day (a Sunday at that), they could have peace that their Heavenly Father knew their hearts desires and would be satisfied with offering prayers together and making a spiritual communion.

A very depressing situation turned into one the best days this mother and daughter had ever spent together.

Thank you, Pollyanna.

Amazing: the power of positive thinking. It can truly transform a day, a moment, a person, it can transform relationships- with others, and with God. The mom in this story will be forever grateful to the Lord for that missed flight. In fact, she will praise the Lord for all the "missed flights" in her life;" that is, the moments and situations that initially make her sad, but if she looks (sometimes very hard), she can see the good that He has planned. And even if she doesn't see it, she can know its there, for He IS Goodness.

What to do when....

What do you do when your family is feeling out of whack from travels, and the kids are clinging to you like cellophane, hanging from every limb, yet there is a very expensive grass-fed beef roast that has been thawing in your fridge for days and you really MUST cook it now?

Solution:
First, call the troops together for a family meeting, ask what needs to be done to set up a fancy surprise dinner for daddy (for when he arrives home from work). Let the ideas flow! (some ideas may include, but are not limited to, sweeping the floor, washing the windows, wiping the table, choosing a fancy table cloth, and lighting candles). Enthusiastically ask each child which of those things they are going to do (who doesn't love to put together a surprise for Daddy? Also, what 3 year old would turn down the opportunity to wash with cleaner all by herself?). Then put in your hands for a "Team last name" cheer, and off you go! Mom turns some Louis Prima music on and the work begins with a silly dance. Then...

One washes the table.

Another washes the dishes.

Even the baby gets in the spirit! (she really did grab the broom and begin to sweep on her own)

Mom is now free to prepare the roast and pop it in the oven.

Don't forget the wine for mom! This is really a must.

Voila- fancy feast, no fuss. Cheers! (on a side note, we did originally have a fancy table cloth set, but the baby kept pulling it down. She won.)

Battling Nature Deficit Disorder

We just returned from a lovely weekend at the beach. What a joy and a blessing it was to get away with the love of my life and our 3 little treasures! Our baby, now 13 months old, dove flat on her face into the sand IMMEDIATELY, made sand angels, and then crawled for the ocean...as if she was saying, "Horray, I'm home! Here I come!" It was hilarious.

We had an all around wonderful time, feeling the sand between our toes and laughing in the salt air and summer sun. Matt and I especially enjoyed watching our children delight in all of God's creation that surrounded them. Our daughters collected interesting shells, observed bird behavior, and the patterns in the sand left by the waves.

The best time to go was around 8 in the morning. The beaches were empty and there was much wildlife and nature to enjoy, untouched and unaffected by the tourist beach-goers that would soon cover the sandy shoreline. As the tide went out, our oldest delighted in scooping up different varieties of crabs from the edge of the water! They were interesting to say the least. Her interest in them was pure, deep, and inspiring. She collected about 10 of them for further observation, laid them carefully on the sand with her variety of interesting colored shells, and proceeded to discover as much as her little hands would allow her to. She had so many questions, and not enough answers.

When it was time for us to gather our belongings to head to the road, she decided to try to find another kid to give her collection to, so that they, too, might enjoy them as much as she did. She looked all over (the beach was still mostly empty, but there were a few families arriving). She ran up to one little girl, proudly held forward her bucket of crabs and said "I have to go, would you like to see these? They won't hurt you, they are dead." The little girl took one very brief peak into the bucket, said an affirmative (and somewhat rude) "NO!" and ran away. I, as the parent, was crushed- my feelings were hurt FOR her, but she shrugged it off, and went in search of another child. She found 2 sisters playing in the waves a short distance off and ran over to them. The mother with them thought her collection was "gross" and turned away. The 2 daughters took a moment of interest in them, and then said they would accept the gift, which satisfied my daughter enough and she turned to leave. But it was obvious those 2 girls were not nearly as interested in the crabs as we were. That's alright, DD didn't seem to mind. In fact, as we were walking back to our belongings, she proudly commented, "I'm so glad I was able to give so many crabs, instead of just one, to those kids. They are going to have so much fun with them!" Little did she know, they had already tossed them aside. Oh well, c'est la vie.

It did, though, remind me of an article I had read a couple of years ago in Faith and Family magazine that addressed Nature Deficit Disorder. Kids of this generation don't encounter nature nearly as much as we did when we were kids. They might play on a swing set now and then, or go to the swimming pool...but rarely are they given the chance to encounter, and I mean really encounter, nature. They encounter nature when they can stop to feel it, ponder it, perhaps experience it in action.

I've certainly had the times when I've had to hurry my kids along, and stop them from observing something that happens to just be bad timing with what I'm doing. Reading that article, though, a couple years ago set me out on a personal mission. I decided to make an effort to not brush their seemingly small interests in nature aside (it only takes about 10 seconds to stop and ponder it with them and say, "hmm...that is interesting."). On a larger scale, we try to build more "outside" time into our days, and each week to do something a long the lines of a "nature walk." We take our baggies, magnifying glasses, and field guides and go out the door, in our neighborhood, or to a local park. Its always a great bonding time for us all. Something I am personally working on is getting out the door even when the weather is less than favorable, so the kids can truly experience the cold, the rain, the sun, the muggy clouds...nature and how it changes with with weather.
All in all, the primary goal is to truly encounter God's creation. Touch it, smell it, get dirty in it, and even create with it (we will make a nature sculpture with plaster of paris and the colorful shells we found).

We had a wonderful encounter with nature this weekend, regardless of the fate of our crab collection. As it turns out, it led to a mini Theology lesson. We find it no small coincidence that after a hands-on weekend with nature, our children were (of their own accord) pondering the amazing existence of God. We were swarmed with innocent questions such as, "If God created the world, then who created God?" and "How can it be that He has no beginning and no end?"