The Latest Disease to Strike Us: Social Media

It is hard to believe it has been over 2 months since I last posted. What can I say- life with my 3 little ones is just so wonderful I couldn't bare to miss a moment, even to step away and blog. Right now they are all 3 happily watching Thanksgiving Day football with their Daddy, and I am relaxing my full Thanksgiving stomach!

I have posted before concerning the matter of Facebook not truly connecting people, and I made the argument that it is actually driving them (all of us) apart, as a human race. This post is along those lines, but doesn't just pertain to Facebook, rather to the matter of personal attention.

Can you think of the last time someone, a stranger or a friend, truly looked you in the eyes when you spoke, or when they spoke to you. Can you recall how it made you feel? I'm going to venture a say that it more than likely made you feel important, like you mattered to them. People are starving for personal attention these days! How rare it really is, with all the noise and busyness of our modern lives. My personal theory is that our society's obsession with social media is largely to blame.

My husband often comments about how difficult it has become to get to know people at a large company. The opportunities for meeting other people used to be on the way into or out of work, or even in the elevator. But over time, my husband has noticed people becoming more and more uncomfortable with actually socializing (that is, with any socializing that is NOT online). Every morning, he enters the elevator at work to ride 7 stories up with a bunch of people who are ALL staring at their i-phones. They can't even look up to say "good morning." My husband has made it his personal mission to try to break this habit, and so makes an effort to greet everyone who walks into the elevator. But those whom he addresses either look at him like he's crazy, or they don't look at him at all and mumble, "mornin" whilst they quickly and awkwardly pull their phones out of their pockets and begin to text or search...lest they be subject to small talk (God forbid!).

I have assured my husband it is not just him they are avoiding. I encounter this myself...and I observe it happening all over- in all walks of life. Just recently, I had gone to a gathering where I was looking forward to getting to know some other mothers a little better. Most of the mothers made broken conversation, but starred almost constantly at their phones, poking around, typing, and searching, whilst mumbling "uh huh, uh huh." One such mother even texted me after this event and said she really enjoyed "getting to know" me at the gathering. I had to laugh out loud when I read that! Getting to know me? I didn't feel she cared at all what I was saying. Instead, I felt only that I was intruding on her "search" time, and so I had cut my sentences short. The conversation could never truly progress because there was limited mutual conversing, and no such thing as awkward silence. You see, awkward silence is important because its in the silence that new topics have a chance to arise. But these days I see that people are absolutely terrified of awkward silence, so they escape from it by diving into their phones.

I do not think, nor do I make the assumption, that this is intentional. I do not believe that they are thinking, "I really can't stand this girl, so I'm going to ignore her by searching online on my phone." Rather, I think we as a race are becoming SO conditioned to social media, its simply TOO tempting to not pick up that phone and just check the latest facebook comments, or see if someone has emailed back. I catch myself doing this when I just HAVE to finish an email that, lets be honest, could have waited, while my kids wait and beg for me to answer them a question, or play a game, or just BE with them. Can we not just BE with people anymore?

This is the disease. And it is creeping up like an unseen tumor and growing larger and larger by the day. I wonder when it will burst?

Think about the people that have made you feel most loved, most respected, and most important. Do they listen to you? I mean really listen. Look you in the eyes kind of listen. Such people really impact me. I feel connected. I feel important. Personal attention is incredibly important if we want to save souls! At my most recent birth (birth is on my mind as I'm preparing for another one, and so this example is fresh on my mind) I was blessed with the presence of one of my midwife's apprentices, whom I barely knew at the time. She looked at me, straight in the eyes, with such compassion and understanding, and listened wholeheartedly to every single one of my fears, questions, and desires. All of my fears of feeling embarrassed or inadequate were erased, and (I realized later) I was filled up with the feeling that I mattered. That was my best birth...and I feel strongly that is why.

The ultimate example of an individual who gave personal attention to souls, and had the biggest impact on the world (ever) was Jesus Christ. Second to him was his Mother Mary (these both continue to impact the world even today).

Think of the woman at the well (John 4:1-42). Jesus gave her such personal attention that it changed her life forever. He looked her in the eyes. He lovingly listened to her, and called her out on her sin. It had such a deep impact on her that she had to run and tell the rest of the town. There are MANY other cases in the Gospel of when Jesus gave personal attention to a soul. Just look at each of his miracles. What I find particularly fruitful is to meditate and reflect on how the Lord has given ME personal attention throughout my life. He constantly comes to my level to meet me where I am, so as to raise me up. He sends me just the challenges and the perfect graces that I, myself, personally need at any given time. He is ALL about personal attention.

His mother, Mary, when hearing about her elderly cousin about to give birth, made haste to be with her and serve her (Luke 1:39-56). She traveled far and wide in her own first trimester of pregnancy, dropping everything on her personal agenda, just to be with her cousin and support her. Also, at the wedding feast of Cana (John 2:1-11), it was Mary who noticed that the newlyweds were out of wine to serve (something that back then would have greatly shamed the new couple), and so asked her son to reveal his glory by doing something about it. Personal attention, and attention to detail!

Should we not, then, follow these examples? If the Lord gives us such personalized attention, should we not then also seek to reach each person we come into contact with unconditional love and attention?

The times in my life when someone really stopped to listen, or show they cared, whether for any reason big or small, it impacted me. I want to give that to others. And I do fear that I have failed in this respect, so many times.

I think social media has made us so used to communicate WHEN we want, HOW we want, and WHAT we want...with the ability to just shut off the conversation or online chat whenever we become tired of it and then move onto the next thing (whatever that might be). Online social media can be a great and wonderful tool for evangelization and service...but it should NEVER take the place of real, authentic personal attention to another

Perhaps I'm old-fashioned, but I have come to believe it is better to have a few true close friends (of a deep quality friendship), than a bunch of people who check your facebook status every now and then and call themselves your "friends?" (These same people mind you, can "de-friend" you if they get tired of you. How elementary school is THAT?). How much more it means when you give a personal phone call, instead of a "what's up" on someone's wall? (This is something else my husband lives by- he never emails in the place of a personal phone call...if he is wondering how someone is doing, he calls them. I am learning a great deal about personal attention from my husband's standards of living).

Like I said before, Facebook, or other social media, CAN (and should) be used for good; but it would do ALL of society good to keep ourselves in check.

I ask myself:
Do I overuse this method of social media or the internet?
Does it ever interfere with the needs of my children and family?
Does being online all the time make me less available to the needs of those around me?
Does social media fill the silence in my life so much so that I do not leave room for the Holy Spirit to speak to me? (after all, the Holy Spirit whispers and can only be heard in the silence).
What can I change RIGHT NOW for the better in this regard (maybe its limiting my email time, or online time).

Personally, I have a rule for myself. I do not pull my phone out when I am visiting with someone else, or when someone is visiting me. I do not glance at it when someone else is talking. Rather, I seek, and I really do desire, to look them in the eye and listen to them. This is something I am not always very good at...but I think it is a noble goal.