Facebook: Is it Really Connecting People?

Facebook's big claim is that they "connect people." I find myself pondering, "does it? I mean, it might make your personal life public, and provide you the opportunity to snoop into everyone else's personal life...but does it really CONNECT people?"

It interesting, I read an article in Business Week the other day (now that my husband is in graduate school we receive this and the Wall Street Journal- both of which I have come to enjoy reading the educated jargon and witty exposes). The primary intention of the article I don't remember, but what struck me was its argument that Facebook's PRIMARY contribution to the evolution of mankind was the science of advertising. They use everything in your profile, everything on your 'wall,' to determine what ads *YOU* would be most likely to click on. Clever, crafty, and quite manipulative. Instead of hiring people that could really use Facebook technology to further the human race (put to good use, say, to find cures for cancer, as the article brought to question), instead, Facebook spends most of its hiring energy and salary awarding looking for people who can manipulate users into clicking on ads.

Anyhow, now that we've established that Facebook's intentions aren't quite as pure as they claim, lets examine my original question. Does it CONNECT people? Facebook provides an opportunity, indeed, to get back in touch with friends, co-workers, acquaintances from your past (it also provides the opportunity to get back in touch with old boyfriends/girlfriends, which you may have seen in some news reports is damaging to marriages- go figure). But EVERYONE is called your "friend!" What is a "friend?" Well, on Facebook, what they call a "friend" is someone who can view your profile, and you can view theirs, can post tidbits of news (or silly games like "Farmville") they want to show you, or its someone who can post bitter responses to your personal posts. A "friend" on FB can be someone you've never met. It can be someone that you have only heard of, or someone you only met once or twice. "Friend" indeed. Well, in the real world, a friend is someone you have a meaningful relationship with. Usually, it is someone you have looked in the eye and spoken with. It is someone who in some way furthers your personal formation and journey to Heaven. On Facebook, however, I feel like its high school all over again. Who says their your friend one day, is "de-friending" you the next. Also, its easy to have 100+ Facebook "friends" but none of them ever grow into real quality friends. You see, Facebook can all to easily take the place of the old fashioned phone call. The simple person to person approach. Rather, its a world where inhibitions are few. People are ever more vocal about their opinions, and "friends" are hurting each other through and through.

Before you think I'm totally anti-Facebook, let's move on. Facebook is a reality of our time. And as a Christian in this current time, I am called to use all the means at my disposal to further Christ's Kingdom! Facebook offers MANY opportunities for evangelization, and also many opportunities for a new kind of charity and restraint. Our beloved Holy Father said this exactly. But he ALSO said that we must be on guard that social networks do NOT take the place of person to person contact. Quality relationships.

All that said, I am currently NOT on Facebook. I used to be. I was for 2 years. I began under the pure intention of wanting to use it to be a witness. To evangelize. But I very quickly got SUCKED in. While I was busy "connecting" with people from my past and present on Facebook, my children sulked, the dishes didn't get done, my house suffered, and my husband endured me constantly excusing myself in our special family moments to go post about it on FB. It didn't take long for me to realize this was a very bad set up for me, and for my family. In reality, it was not connecting me to the people that matter most in my life...the ones right here in my home that I have been entrusted to care for, love, nurture, protect, and serve.

While Facebook claims to connect people, I ask...does it connect you to the little child awaiting your love and attention while you post...and post...and read your FB wall? Does it CONNECT you to quality relationships? Has any friendship on FB actual developed in the real world into a quality friendship (relying on facebook alone)? To the person who checks FB on their black berry, does it connect you to the souls around you that you forget are speaking to you, while you quickly text a response, simultaneously nodding your head as if you're listening (and I mean REALLY listening) to them (yes, I think we all have been on both sides of this scenario).

If you use Facebook, and NONE of these things apply to you, then I APPLAUD you. YOU use it correctly. I hope to be able to do that someday. But for now, I am content to call the friend I haven't spoken to in a while (instead of thinking that a FB hello substitutes really reaching out). I'm also content to know that, as my husband has calculated, since quitting Facebook last October, I have received approximately 180 HOURS of my life back! That's right, assuming I was on Facebook a collective 1 hour a day...and I was, more or less. 180 hours.

When I wanted to quit FB- they (the powers of the FB phenomenon) make it virtually impossible to quit. They flash you pictures of your friends to tempt you with words written "Are you SURE? Look at what you'll be missing?!" Then you say "YES, I AM SURE!" and they flash you some MORE, saying "are you REALLY sure?" Then, when you think you've finally succeeded in quitting, they tell you, "we'll miss you, if you miss us, all you have to do is simply sign back in and ALL your information will still be here!" Um...no. It took me an entire day to figure out how to really quite Facebook. I might be a little electronically challenged, but that is a bit ridiculous. Then, when I did finally quit, it told me I had 2 weeks to change my mind. TWO WEEKS of trying not to sign in. It was tempting. But I did it! When it was all over, what really confirmed for me that I did the right thing (FOR ME) was that my first instinct was to compose a post explaining how hard it was to quit. I had to laugh out loud! You know its bad when you want to POST on Facebook about how you QUIT Facebook. Yup, it was time for me to go.

I pray that as I deepen in my faith and as I gain more self-control regarding time spent on the internet, I will be able to more properly use modern means of evangelization. But for now, Facebook is not for me. And my family is grateful.