8 Years Ago today...

My Dear Husband,

Eight years ago today we made our vows before God and family.

My how we have grown (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) in just 8 years! 8 years doesn't sound like a lot, but then again, when I think about how much we've been through, how much we've grown and changed, and how much has happened in our life together, it seems like it should be more! Here we are, about to have our 4th child, in just 8 years of marriage. You joked the other day that you wonder if we'll double that in another 8 years. Only God knows! What I do know is that these have been the best 8 years of my life, and that whatever happens in the coming years we will face hand in hand, together with Christ, as we continue the adventure that is our life! Christ has always been the center of our marriage, and if we have him, we have everything we need.

This weekend, we stood before Jesus in the Tabernacle and repeated the words of our Pastor to renew our vows once again. This difference this time, from 8 years ago, is evident in the picture. What joy it was to look into your eyes and renew my commitment to you, with our 3 little children around our legs, and the 1 in my belly kicking away.

Thank you for 8 amazing and wonderful years. You are a strong support and your faith is an inspiration. You amaze me, the way you love like Christ. You continuously give of yourself to me and the children, and never seem to grow tired of it! I pray that I may only grow more and more into the wife that you need and deserve. I pray that I may take good care of your children and raise them well. And I praise the Lord that He somehow deemed me worthy of such an amazing man to guide me, love me, and help me on my journey to Heaven.

I love you!

The Pondered Life

There is so much noise in today's world. And I'm not just speaking of the life of an adult. Children now are hurried from one activity to another, with noise constantly in their ears. Music, TV, games, rushing from place to place. And the question arises, what are we depriving our children of?

God speaks to us in the silence. I've heard it said that the world SCREAMS at us, and the Holy Spirit whispers. How can we hear the voice of God if we don't take the time to explore the silence? How will our children ever grow to appreciate the value of meditative prayer and silence if we fill their lives with constant noise now? How many children do you know that can really slow down, contemplate, reflect, observe, and grow as a human person?

The other day we packed our backpacks with nature journals, field guides, and a picnic, and discovered a lovely nearby pond we didn't know existed. No phones, no music, no friends to socialize with. It was just us. And what happened during that time is priceless.

We explored, walked, and soon discovered a peaceful place, a perfect place, a place that inspires quiet reflection, heart-to-heart conversation, quality time, and a whole lot of learning.

We observed the bark on a tree, the movement of the clouds across the sky (and the animals they resemble), the behavior of an earthworm, and were even visited by a friendly salamander.

But the most valuable lesson learned was in the silence.

Where life, and love, and the beauty of God's creation was contemplated, adored, studied, and each little soul was able to dig deep within themselves to find their Creator.

And I as mother was reminded of the importance of silence and personal reflection. As I breathed in the fresh crisp air, deep within my lungs, I felt renewed. Alive. Healed. As I watched each of my small innocent children discover for themselves the value of slowing down and reflecting, I found myself appreciating in them the beauty of God's creation of the human person, for He made us with a desire and an innate need to contemplate the Higher Things.

And have some laughs along the way (yes, my youngest IS trying to pull that root out of the ground).

In this treasured time, I fell in love with each of my children all over again.

And their hurried little hearts were able to heal in the stillness of that wonderful morning.

We are forever changed.

On the way home, as I listened to the repeated comments from the back about how much "fun" that was, and how "nice" it was, and "when can we go back?", I found myself reflecting on the real lesson that was learned that morning. We ventured out intending on discovering something interesting in nature to document in our nature journals, and instead we discovered something worth far greater: that of the importance of silence, stillness, calm, and meditation. More specifically, the importance of giving this great gift to my children when they are young. Because they might just grow up to be better and more well-rounded subjects of Christ's Kingdom if they have been allowed the time to do what every human truly desires...that of contemplating Higher Things.

Even secularly speaking, meditation is highly valued these days made evident by the yoga craze. How much more valuable, then, it is to give our children the opportunity to contemplate their life in reference to God. How much more they will learn about God's love for them. How much more they will grow as persons from touching base with their Father and Creator, their Savior and Redeemer, in the depths of Christian meditation.

So the greatest lesson we learned this week wasn't about bark, or worms, or salamanders. Rather, we rediscovered the importance of taking the time to ponder, to reflect, and to observe without distraction, without curriculum, without instruction. To really deeply and truly encounter the beauty that surrounds us.

You never know what you would otherwise be missing.

The Latest Disease to Strike Us: Social Media

It is hard to believe it has been over 2 months since I last posted. What can I say- life with my 3 little ones is just so wonderful I couldn't bare to miss a moment, even to step away and blog. Right now they are all 3 happily watching Thanksgiving Day football with their Daddy, and I am relaxing my full Thanksgiving stomach!

I have posted before concerning the matter of Facebook not truly connecting people, and I made the argument that it is actually driving them (all of us) apart, as a human race. This post is along those lines, but doesn't just pertain to Facebook, rather to the matter of personal attention.

Can you think of the last time someone, a stranger or a friend, truly looked you in the eyes when you spoke, or when they spoke to you. Can you recall how it made you feel? I'm going to venture a say that it more than likely made you feel important, like you mattered to them. People are starving for personal attention these days! How rare it really is, with all the noise and busyness of our modern lives. My personal theory is that our society's obsession with social media is largely to blame.

My husband often comments about how difficult it has become to get to know people at a large company. The opportunities for meeting other people used to be on the way into or out of work, or even in the elevator. But over time, my husband has noticed people becoming more and more uncomfortable with actually socializing (that is, with any socializing that is NOT online). Every morning, he enters the elevator at work to ride 7 stories up with a bunch of people who are ALL staring at their i-phones. They can't even look up to say "good morning." My husband has made it his personal mission to try to break this habit, and so makes an effort to greet everyone who walks into the elevator. But those whom he addresses either look at him like he's crazy, or they don't look at him at all and mumble, "mornin" whilst they quickly and awkwardly pull their phones out of their pockets and begin to text or search...lest they be subject to small talk (God forbid!).

I have assured my husband it is not just him they are avoiding. I encounter this myself...and I observe it happening all over- in all walks of life. Just recently, I had gone to a gathering where I was looking forward to getting to know some other mothers a little better. Most of the mothers made broken conversation, but starred almost constantly at their phones, poking around, typing, and searching, whilst mumbling "uh huh, uh huh." One such mother even texted me after this event and said she really enjoyed "getting to know" me at the gathering. I had to laugh out loud when I read that! Getting to know me? I didn't feel she cared at all what I was saying. Instead, I felt only that I was intruding on her "search" time, and so I had cut my sentences short. The conversation could never truly progress because there was limited mutual conversing, and no such thing as awkward silence. You see, awkward silence is important because its in the silence that new topics have a chance to arise. But these days I see that people are absolutely terrified of awkward silence, so they escape from it by diving into their phones.

I do not think, nor do I make the assumption, that this is intentional. I do not believe that they are thinking, "I really can't stand this girl, so I'm going to ignore her by searching online on my phone." Rather, I think we as a race are becoming SO conditioned to social media, its simply TOO tempting to not pick up that phone and just check the latest facebook comments, or see if someone has emailed back. I catch myself doing this when I just HAVE to finish an email that, lets be honest, could have waited, while my kids wait and beg for me to answer them a question, or play a game, or just BE with them. Can we not just BE with people anymore?

This is the disease. And it is creeping up like an unseen tumor and growing larger and larger by the day. I wonder when it will burst?

Think about the people that have made you feel most loved, most respected, and most important. Do they listen to you? I mean really listen. Look you in the eyes kind of listen. Such people really impact me. I feel connected. I feel important. Personal attention is incredibly important if we want to save souls! At my most recent birth (birth is on my mind as I'm preparing for another one, and so this example is fresh on my mind) I was blessed with the presence of one of my midwife's apprentices, whom I barely knew at the time. She looked at me, straight in the eyes, with such compassion and understanding, and listened wholeheartedly to every single one of my fears, questions, and desires. All of my fears of feeling embarrassed or inadequate were erased, and (I realized later) I was filled up with the feeling that I mattered. That was my best birth...and I feel strongly that is why.

The ultimate example of an individual who gave personal attention to souls, and had the biggest impact on the world (ever) was Jesus Christ. Second to him was his Mother Mary (these both continue to impact the world even today).

Think of the woman at the well (John 4:1-42). Jesus gave her such personal attention that it changed her life forever. He looked her in the eyes. He lovingly listened to her, and called her out on her sin. It had such a deep impact on her that she had to run and tell the rest of the town. There are MANY other cases in the Gospel of when Jesus gave personal attention to a soul. Just look at each of his miracles. What I find particularly fruitful is to meditate and reflect on how the Lord has given ME personal attention throughout my life. He constantly comes to my level to meet me where I am, so as to raise me up. He sends me just the challenges and the perfect graces that I, myself, personally need at any given time. He is ALL about personal attention.

His mother, Mary, when hearing about her elderly cousin about to give birth, made haste to be with her and serve her (Luke 1:39-56). She traveled far and wide in her own first trimester of pregnancy, dropping everything on her personal agenda, just to be with her cousin and support her. Also, at the wedding feast of Cana (John 2:1-11), it was Mary who noticed that the newlyweds were out of wine to serve (something that back then would have greatly shamed the new couple), and so asked her son to reveal his glory by doing something about it. Personal attention, and attention to detail!

Should we not, then, follow these examples? If the Lord gives us such personalized attention, should we not then also seek to reach each person we come into contact with unconditional love and attention?

The times in my life when someone really stopped to listen, or show they cared, whether for any reason big or small, it impacted me. I want to give that to others. And I do fear that I have failed in this respect, so many times.

I think social media has made us so used to communicate WHEN we want, HOW we want, and WHAT we want...with the ability to just shut off the conversation or online chat whenever we become tired of it and then move onto the next thing (whatever that might be). Online social media can be a great and wonderful tool for evangelization and service...but it should NEVER take the place of real, authentic personal attention to another

Perhaps I'm old-fashioned, but I have come to believe it is better to have a few true close friends (of a deep quality friendship), than a bunch of people who check your facebook status every now and then and call themselves your "friends?" (These same people mind you, can "de-friend" you if they get tired of you. How elementary school is THAT?). How much more it means when you give a personal phone call, instead of a "what's up" on someone's wall? (This is something else my husband lives by- he never emails in the place of a personal phone call...if he is wondering how someone is doing, he calls them. I am learning a great deal about personal attention from my husband's standards of living).

Like I said before, Facebook, or other social media, CAN (and should) be used for good; but it would do ALL of society good to keep ourselves in check.

I ask myself:
Do I overuse this method of social media or the internet?
Does it ever interfere with the needs of my children and family?
Does being online all the time make me less available to the needs of those around me?
Does social media fill the silence in my life so much so that I do not leave room for the Holy Spirit to speak to me? (after all, the Holy Spirit whispers and can only be heard in the silence).
What can I change RIGHT NOW for the better in this regard (maybe its limiting my email time, or online time).

Personally, I have a rule for myself. I do not pull my phone out when I am visiting with someone else, or when someone is visiting me. I do not glance at it when someone else is talking. Rather, I seek, and I really do desire, to look them in the eye and listen to them. This is something I am not always very good at...but I think it is a noble goal.

My favorite education author

This weekend we completely cleaned out, decluttered, and reorganized our office, with the help of some new shelves from IKEA. It is a relief to have this finished!

In the process, I came across the books I have mentioned before that I had lost for some time: those of John Holt, "Learning all the Time," "How Children Learn," and "How Children Fail."

He is without mistake my favorite author on the education of children. Without even knowing it, his approach hits on a core understanding of the whole human person, how the Creator Himself designed us with a desire for knowledge and an amazing ability to use the resources around us to learn.

I want to share briefly (and I will try to be brief) a few excerpts from the first part of "Learning all the Time" that I have enjoyed this morning. If they appeal to you, by all means, order the book! I'll venture to say you won't regret it.

In John Holt's words:
"[This] book will be a demonstration that children, without being coerced or manipulated, or being put in exotic, specially prepared environments, or having their thinking planned or ordered for them, can, will, and do pick up from the world around them important information about what we call the Basics. It will also demonstrate that "ordinary" people, without special training and often without large amounts of schooling themselves, can give their children whatever slight assistance may be needed to help them in their exploration of the world, and that to do this task requires no more than a little tact, patience, attention, and readily available information."

And on the following page, "This is not a book about 'How to Help Your Child Succeed in School.' It is a book about children learning By learning I mean making more sense of the world around them. (let me try this again) Learning, to me, means making more sense of the world around us, and being able to do more things in it. Success in school means remembering the answers to teacher's questions, getting clever about guessing what answers they will ask, and about how to fool them when you don't know the answers. In this book I will for the most part be discussing...things we might do to make various aspects of the world more accessible, interesting, and transparent to children."

The first chapter, which I am currently re-reading, and enjoying just as much if not more than the first time I read it 5 years ago, is on Reading and Trust, Discovering Letters, Exploring words, and true reading readiness. It is filled with Holt's own interesting observations and experiences as a well-known and largely respected educator of his time (this book was written in the 80's).

O, how it lays my mind at ease and puts me in the proper mindset to approach my children with an attitude that far better supports THEM, as PERSONS, searching for confidence and support as they embark into the wonderful world of print.

Rest assured, I am not turning this blog into an education-philosophy blog. But this is a part of who I am, a part deeply intertwined in my faith, by which I have found gives breath and life to the truth of the human person as taught by the Church. By approaching the education of my children in this way, with this basis, I am testifying to the Love of Christ in them because I am understanding, respecting, and appreciating each one's unique and amazing ability TO LEARN without ME (or anyone for that matter) being one who teaches them to split back answers without truly understanding, without truly learning. Every day, my husband and I pray that we will educate our children in such a way that gives Glory to the Lord, and best prepares them for the unique vocation He has for each of them. And this is the path we're being led on. This is where Christ is leading us. Us. Our unique family. And so we leap forward in confidence, looking always to Christ as we go along, and being open to how He leads us.

Baby News! And reflections on questions we're getting used to hearing.

We recently discovered we are pregnant with baby #4! We are thrilled at the news, and our 3 little daughters haven't stopped squealing for joy. They genuine and innocent love and appreciation for new life is refreshing, and inspiring. In a society where more than 2 or 3 kids is seen as "crazy" and "irresponsible," its nice to know we're raising children who know and understand the value of an unborn life. Such people truly are ignorant.

You know what the craziest argument against having "a lot" of kids is? "They are putting too much CO2 into the atmosphere and are using up all the oxygen." Really? See, science teaches us that trees make more oxygen! Also, did God not tell Adam and Eve to "fill the earth and subdue it?" and to "Be fruitful and multiply?" Anyway, that's just one of the absurd things I've heard, in addition to other false assumptions about so-called "over-population" (when really most of the world is NOT replacing its population).

There is absolutely nothing like experiencing a new life within you. This is a gift I treasure. And I can tell you, it doesn't get old. I am so much in love with this baby that I have yet to feel or hold, and I am left in continual awe of the creative power of the Lord. And I'm in awe of my husband. So in love with him!

As you can imagine, with 3 daughters already, and no sons, we are preparing ourselves for the numerous comments we expect to get throughout this pregnancy. Ones such as:
So you're hoping this is a boy, right?
Oh you tried again for a boy!
Oh no, if its a girl, you're POOR husband!

These are all opportunities I know to be a positive witness. But lets be honest, especially when said in front of our 3 daughters, such comments and assumptions are tiresome and can be hurtful. Hurtful, I say, because no one can understand (but us) the immense love we have for our daughters, and how we would consider it to be an honor if our vocation were to raise daughters only in this world. We would not be one bit disappointed to discover its a girl, and its hurtful to think others assume we would be disappointed. Its also hurtful to think that our kids may overhear this and wonder if we would have rather had boys instead of them. I do know that the comment of "oh, poor dad" to my husband is hurtful to him. He loves his daughters more than anything in the world, and says there is NOTHING like when they wrap their little arms around his neck and say "I love you, Daddy, very much." He has said to me that he would absolutely LOVE if we had all girls. What a man!

Would we be excited if its a boy? Absolutely! I know I'd have a lot to learn but it would be an adventure (and that little boy would be totally loved and spoiled by his three big sisters)! We will be equally thrilled if it is a girl. Truly, boy or girl, this is not what's on our mind at this time. I think people assume that all we think about is what we "want" and "prefer" since, you know, we can control our family. Rather, we are finding this news of a new pregnancy an opportunity to re-examine our call to parenthood and to look at our 3 little girls and hug them close. I know this phase of life is fleeting in the grand scheme of eternity, and I want to soak up every minute!

Other typical questions are:
So are you done after this?
How many are you going to have?

I don't mind these questions, really. I think in a society where people are used to planning their family size to an exact science these are typical questions to ask. Also, I think people are genuinely just trying to make conversation and don't mean anything personally. But I've really spent some time reflecting on this. My conclusion comes from some loving advice from a mother of 12 children. Matt had just started graduate school last January, in addition to working full time, and our baby had just started crawling. The 2 year old was having a plethera of tantrums, and the then 4 year old was...well...she's always good. But I was overwhelmed. I had a little mini-break down with some friends, all who happen to be more experienced mothers. I asked them, "If I feel overwhelmed with 3 little ones, how will I ever have 4 or 5 or 8...because we want a big family!" This one mother of 12 said something that I really needed to hear, and didn't expect to hear. She said, with wisdom that can only come from raising 12 children with God's grace:

"I don't think anyone should have as their GOAL to have a big family. Your 'goal' should be to have the number of kids you have right now...because you can't ask for tomorrow's grace today. In other words, you can't imagine having 4 or 5 kids because you don't HAVE 5 kids, and therefore the GRACE isn't there for the asking. Of course the idea seems overwhelming! You do, however, have the grace for your 3 kids. If someday, you have more, God will give you the grace for those, too."

This resonated with both of us, and this idea has influenced our outlook on the matter. We LOVE our now 4 children, and wouldn't trade them for the world. We are grateful and consider ourselves blessed by their presence in our lives. If for some reason, I don't know what...but some reason, we cannot have more children after this then we will be grateful for these 4. I learned a lot from that mother. All I can speak of is the present moment. Right now, I have 3 born children, and 1 in utero, and I ask God every day for the grace to be the mother He needs and they need me to be. Its all about one step at a time. We no longer think of any particular number of kids as our "goal." What we do have as our goal is to have the number of kids that we have RIGHT NOW. Then, in the near future, if that number increases, we would welcome it with joy trusting in God's grace and wisdom!

We also feel blessed to have the guidance of the Holy Church on matters of family planning. Contraception is not an option, sterilization neither. My husband and I love this great adventure of being collaborators with the Lord in His creation! Should we someday be called to have 10-12 kids, we would accept that mission and vocation with joy, having confidence that the Lord does not give us what we cannot handle. But that isn't our "goal." Who knows what the future holds or where the Lord will lead us! Probably, and likely, somewhere we would never expect! But should we prayerfully discern a valid reason to purposely avoid a pregnancy, the Church in her wisdom has an option for us: natural family planning (charting fertility signs and cycles for avoiding or achieving a pregnancy). We always want to do His will. This summer when my cycle returned (I enjoy 13-14 months of ammenoreah, which means no period, while ecologically breastfeeding after a birth), we talked about possibly avoiding a pregnancy for a few months. But it just didn't feel right in our hearts. We trust the Lord's guidance, and we felt excited at whatever adventure lay ahead. And here we are! So grateful for this baby, and looking forward with great anticipation to the joys and trials of adjusting to a growing family! But it was good to go through that discussion period, it drew us closer together, and made us more active participants in following the Lord's will. The funny thing is, we really didn't expect this baby...the timing just didn't seem to line up for a pregnancy...but, the Lord works in many ways, and a baby that's intended by Him is a baby that's created (when the openness to life is there).

Earlier this week I wrote about peace. I do feel so at peace. Maybe its the calm before the storm...I'll let you know:) In the meantime, please remember us in prayer! You are in mine.