The Soul of the Apostolate

For my birthday (a week ago today), my darling husband gave me a freshly bound, leather covered copy of Divine Intimacy, a book of meditations for the Liturgical Year. Who am I that God has graced me with a husband who cares so much about my spiritual life?

Upon unwrapping it, I ran my hand over the smooth level front, and rustled my thumb through the crisp pages. Excited to begin my new meditation material, I searched for the meditation that corresponds with this week in the Liturgical year. Would you know that the recurring theme this week is that of the Apostolate? The soul of the Apostolate is the interior life, a life of prayer an sacrifice for the apostolate is the key to making it fruitful. Here are some excerpts from the past few days:

(Meditation 319) St. Paul, speaking of the work of the apostolate, says: “Dei sumus adjutores” (1 Cor 3,9); we are God’s coadjutors, collaborators with Him.

The apostolate, therefore, is not merely a personal activity…; nor is it an activity which we can carry on according to our own ideas, and much less according to our own powers. Every type of apostolate is a collaboration in the one work of redemption and sanctification which God has been developing through the centuries.


(Meditation 320) Not only at prayer, but in the very exercise of the apostolate, the apostle should strive to keep in contact with God and with the mystery of His love for men, in which he should humbly collaborate. He will seek this contact by an intense practice of faith, which will give him a deeper understanding of the mystery of Redemption and enable him to recognize the fulfillment of this mystery in the various circumstances of life and in every aspect of time. This spirit of faith will help him to make his humble activity a part of the great action of God. In this way, even while making use of human means or when occupied with material affairs, the apostle will live in a supernatural atmosphere. He will never lose sight of the goal of his activity, but will always be very keenly aware that he is collaborating with Christ for the salvation of souls.

Having the “mind of Christ” (Phil 2,5), which means loving and willing in unison with the divine Heart, sharing its immense love for God and souls, is the secret of every apostolate.


(Meditation 321) It follows, therefore, that the more a soul cultivates the interior life, the nearer it will come to God…Who, then, will be better able to understand the great mystery of the Redemption and contribute his share to it, than one who by means of a fervent interior life, lives in intimate friendship with God?

Only friendship with God, and the charity which unites us to Him, can produce that supernatural strength which makes any form of the apostolate effective. The more a soul is united to God, the more it shares in the power of God Himself; and hence, its prayers, sacrifices, and works undertaken for the salvation of souls, are efficacious and attain their end.

(Meditation 325) If prayer does not ascent to the throne of the Most High, grace will not be granted. This explains the absolute necessity for apostolic prayer and its great efficacy….Our activity, our words and works can prepare the ground for grace, but if we do not pray, it will not come down to refresh our souls.

“Ask and you shall receive….” (Lk 18,1). We can never be certain that our prayers will be answered according to our expectation…but when it is a question of apostolic prayer which asks for grace and the salvation of souls, it is a very different matter. In fact, when we pray for the aims of the apostolate, we are fitting into the plan prearranged by God Himself from all eternity, that plan for the salvation of all men which God desires to put into action infinitely more than we do; therefore, we cannot doubt the efficacy of our prayer. Because of this effectiveness, apostolic prayer is one of the most powerful means of furthering the apostolate.

How fruitful these contemplations have been for me. The Lord has slowly, carefully, and painfully been forming me a heart like his, that desires nothing more than the salvation of others. If I truly love my neighbor, then I would unceasingly die a thousand deaths if only to save that one soul, regardless of whatever sanctification it might bring me. The purity of intention is the salvation of the other. Just chew on that for a minute. Isn't that amazing? Sure I desire sanctification, but to act solely based on the needs of another, out of love for their soul and out of a desire for them to be united to Christ, without thinking of the good such efforts brings me is taking things a step farther.

And how easy it is to become so wrapped up in the human, material, and logistical plans that are required for carrying out an apostolate! I can't tell you how many times I have all my ducks in a row and then something happens to mix things up a bit, sending my human tendancies into a furry of emotion, damage control, and stress. But that is not what the Lord wills in those moments. No, those are but moments to further sancfify the apostolate. Above it is quoted that we should be in intimate union with God, fostered through a deep and rich interior life, in such a way that "even while making use of human means or when occupied with material affairs, the apostle will live in a supernatural atmosphere." Therefore, the soul of the Apostolate is prayer. Without it, I can be certain my human qualities will fall short.

Lord, I offer you on this day all I have, all my humble and imperfect efforts at apostolate, and the salvation of souls. I am nothing without you, Lord. You created me and you created every soul with the potential for your grace. Send your grace, Lord. Send it abundantly. Today, help me to see every waking moment as an opportunity for apostolate, sactifying every duty and every human interaction I make.

Lillian Travis: A Testimony to Love

Last Tuesday night, at the age of 97, my Great-Grandmother passed away peacefully. She is pictured above in the blue dress 1st with all the Women and children on that side of the family, and then 2nd with my Granny, my mother, myself, and my first daughter about a year and a half ago.

I cannot describe the emptiness that I feel in my heart, but any of you who have experienced the death of a loved one in your lifetime knows what I am talking about. It is a feeling of emptiness, of loneliness, because that loved one is no longer present on this earth. I feel deep gratitude to my Father and Creator for blessing me with a living Great-Grandmother for all these years. She was a bright, baby-blue eyed woman with a fiery sense of humor, a peaceful whit, and a knack for winning Canasta. When I was a small child, I played many a game of checkers with her. "I CHALLENGE you to a game of Checkers, Jessica," she would say. "I'm going to CLOBBER you!" I have three gifts that she gave me when I was a child. My room was the designated guest room when she would visit my family, and she never left without a gift of gratitude on a nicely made and pressed bed spread. The first that she left me was a hard-cover classic version of Anne of Green Gables, and the second was the book Kim. One time she left me a tiny pin cushion outlined with lace. I still have all these things today, and am saving them for my daughters someday.

Great-Granny was a peaceful woman, and I would often catch her sitting quietly on the couch starring out the window, as if to reflect on life and love. And I could tell that nothing gave her greater joy in her old age than to sit and observe, as if a fly on the wall, her great-grand children's children playing nearby. She was a contemplative woman. Once she said to me that she loved when her flight would be delayed. When I shot her a quizzical look, wondering why anyone would be happy about a flight being delayed, she explained, "Haven't you ever just people watched? I just love to people watch. The Airport is the best place for that. I just sit and wonder where each one is going, what their story is, and who they are."

And I cannot conclude without mentioning the laughing attacks that I know she passed to my mother's mother, my mother, her sisters, and myself. When something tickled her humor just the right way, she would laugh, deeply, breathlessly, eyes welling up with tears of emmense and uncontrollable laughter- even if no one else was laughing! We call it the laughing attack. It is contagious, but it can only come from a soul that is deeply rooted in a love for life.

But above all the checkers and card games, above all the peaceful chats, above the little gifts she left for me, and the laughing attacks, I will always remember the love she had in her eyes for each family member. Her blue eyes had a depth to them. A depth that spoke without words. I am reminded of something that St. Francis of Assisi once said: "Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary use words."

This, my friends, is what it means to testify to love. Sure, some of it has to do with what words we say, but that's not the bottom line. It has to be in our heart. And if love is truly in our hearts, then words will rarely be necessary.

These are my thoughts for today, as I pack my bags to visit my Great-Grandmother's home one last time, and to show my respect and gratitude to God for her long and fruitful life.

Lord, may the soul of your faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace...and may we always remember that we are walking testimonies of your love in all that we think, in all that we say, and in all that we do, and may I grow to live, to laugh, and to love as deeply as Lillian Travis did. Amen.

How Does Your Garden Grow? Thoughts on Learning in Every Day Life

My Little Gardener

Real Learning is that which occurs in every day life, with every day experiences and everyday opportunities. LIFE is my family's classroom; it is my curriculum.

Above, my oldest can be seen tending to her garden...a humble garden of a few tomato plants, lettuce, and some corn. She can also be seen tending to our new plum tree. Gardening has offered us the opportunity to discover together the beauty of God's creation! She has also learned that hard work and gentle, loving care produces a fruitful harvest. I can't tell you how many times she has discovered an interesting bug when tending to the garden that she crouches to observe for quite some time before running inside to ask me to look it up on the internet or go to the library to borrow books about that particular species. It is moments like these when I am edified in mine and my husband's decision to raise our kids with an attitude of "LIFE is school" instead of "school is something you have to do at certain times of the day." After all, God has instilled in each precious human creation the natural drive and desire to seek higher knowledge. Doesn't it make sense to trust this, nurture it, provide opportunities to practice it and develop it, instead of squashing it with such lines as "no, honey, we're not learning about that type of bug THIS year...that's in next year's syllabus?"

Some people call this approach "unschooling," which by the very meaning of the word I find unfit. I do not call it "homeschooling," or "unschooling," or "relaxed homeschooling," or whatever label one may be inclined to give it. Rather, it is LIFE. And it is in this lifestyle that we give highest priority to loving and serving God and each other, encouraging our children's intense and natural curiosity about the world and God's creation. I dislike using the term "unschooling" for that reason, but also because of the stigma it tends to create. Often, when people hear that term, especially faithful Catholics, they cringe...afterall the education of our children is paramount is it not? I agree that it is! But many assume that "no school" means no rules, no boundaries, no order, and no discipline. I know, I used to be one of these people with such misconceptions.

On the contrary, we have order, we have boundaries (such as those that pertain to safety or respect of others), we have rules, we have structure, or routine, for many things, (ie: saying the Rosary as a family), but just not for "school." Another concern of many people is that children "will not learn to follow through from start to finish with a task unless it is required of them." I disagree. Our children learn to "follow through" with activities because they see us following through with an activity from start to finish (like the time my oldest helped her daddy make a wooden desk in our garage, or helped me to sew a baby carrier with my sewing machine, or when my kids help me follow a recipe to create a yummy treat). There are many opportunities within our everyday life in which to achieve real learning.

As I do with many things, I did (and continue to) discern these philosophies with careful prayer and research, looking to the Mother Church and the Holy Spirit for guidance. I did speak with a Catholic priest, my spiritual director, about my ideas and my hesitations with putting so much trust in my child's learning, and I have read writings of several Popes on the education of children in a Catholic home (both of which actually confirmed my inclinations and drove me into further adoption of this approach). And this discernment will continue every step along the way of my parenting journey, and as always I am open to the Holy Spirit to guide me otherwise, but one thing will never change: that I want my children to have a LOVE for learning, a DESIRE to fulfill God's will (by working hard, serving well, and learning what He needs them to learn to best develop their talents), and to understand that, in the words of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, "God does not expect us to be successful, but to be faithful."

The Catholic Church places on each parent the right to make informed decisions about their child's education, and so I place no judgement whatsoever on other people's schooling choices. Not every approach is for every family. This is just ours, and let me tell you it is a VERY exciting adventure that I never thought I would embark on...and its just beginning!

It is certain I will write more about this in the future...but for now, I have already written far more than I intended. I guess I just got excited to share my thoughts with you! I appreciate and welcome your feedback. I also did not do a good job this time of supporting my claims with valid sources. I do have it all- and can supply that in the future. For now, the children are finished with their lunches and we are all ready for some quiet time!

In the meantime, you can check on "Homeschooling with Gentleness: A Catholic discovers Unschooling," or click this link to find out more about Catholic Unschooling with the author of the book, Suzie Andres.

Building our Domestic Church

Happy Feast of St. Benedict!

I have been pondering lately the idea that we, the Catholic Family, are the Domestic Church, and what I can do, as the heart of my home to build the domestic church that is our family. It is meditating on this that has led me to discover the whole new world (new to me anyway) of living the Liturgical year as a family.

Living the Liturgical year is not a habit of mine, aside from attending Mass on Sundays and whenever I can during the week. My daily meditations sometimes, but not often correspond with the liturgical year's readings. The intention to live in unison with the Mother Church is there, but distractions tend to arise and before I know it another season has gone by in which I did not celebrate it as I would have liked to. In the past couple years, we have made some successes that have been small yet significant to our family. The two most significant ones being:1) the formation of our own family "alter"- or place of central prayer throughout the day- a place to remind us of Christ's presence in our family; and 2) the practice of celebrating each child's Baptismal anniversary on which they get to wear a crown as princesses of God and we have a special dessert with a religious gift of some kind. I don't have any sons yet, so I have not had to come up with a male alternative to the jeweled crowns. That is for another day.

My desires, though, are to as a family more deeply experience the celebrations of the Holy Mother Church. And so, today I have set the following goals:

1) To set up our domestic Church at home, uncluttered (both physically and metaphorically speaking), and Christ-centered- a task in and of itself a major one!
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2) To discuss each Sunday's readings as a family at the breakfast table. I'd say we could do this on the way to Mass, but my loving husband has very consistently been designating that time for Family Rosary each Sunday.
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3) To celebrate the feast days of our family's patron saints (each child's patron saint, and any saint of particular personal significance to us...for example, we have a miscarried soul in Heaven named after Saints Franciso and Chiara of Assisi).
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4) To live the seasons of Advent and Lent more fully than in the past. This means going above and beyond the lighting of our Family Advent wreath with songs and prayers each night- a good practice, and a simple start for us, but each year we should be stretching ourselves farther.
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5) In light of this Year of the Priest, as declared by the Holy Father, to seek to obtain a plenary indulgence each 3rd Thursday of the month with confession, Mass, rosary, and discussing with my kids one saint that was a priest, the importance of the priesthood, pray for a specific priest each time, and make a special card for that priest with my children.
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6) To give special importance to the Feast days of the Blessed Virgin Mary, celebrating them in our home with prayers, songs, crafts, and a procession to our backyard Mary Grotto.
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7) To live the Feast of Christ the King with special prayers, song, and a procession with our Head of Christ picture.
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8) To remember that the Catholic Church is One, Holy, Catholic (universal) and Apostolic, and so should our family be all four. It is important that I don't get so wrapped up in living just inside our family that I turn a blind eye to the Apostolic needs in the outside world. What sort of Domestic Church would be be if we did not model the Mother Church's Apostolic nature? I could write more about this, but I will save that for another time, but in short I will continue to strive for a deeper love and generosity in responding to needs outside my home, and involve the whole family, remembering that to be Apostolic is an important pillar of our Domestic Church.

These are simple stepping stones for me in trying each year to live the Liturgical year in our Domestic Church, but they are lofty at the same time. I'm trying to be realistic, but if I start too simply, where's the growth if I'm not being challenged? I hope to keep you in tuned and updated with how this progresses over the course of the year.

Today I came across a book: called Simplifying your Domestic Church. I am ordering it this week, and will report on its success, which depends mostly on me, in organizing, de-cluttering (in more ways than one), and perfecting my Domestic Church.

If you have any thoughts, suggestions, or insights on how to build the Domestic Church and/or on how to live the Liturgical year as a family, I welcome your comments!

Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ!

Celebrating the "Year of the Priest" in our Home

These past couple weeks I have been pondering the significance of the Holy Father's decision to make this the "Year of the Priest." What a beautiful gift to all of us! The graces that will come from praying for vocations, both those that are budding and those that are present, will be many.

Why did the Holy Father choose this theme for the year? In an article on www.zenit.org, vatican spokesman Father Lombardi said that the declaration of the Year of the Priest responds to various struggles of recent times. The article quotes him:

"The general climate of secularization in vast regions of the world, a lessened appreciation for the role of the priest in society, the deep wounds inflicted on the public image of priests due to unworthy behavior by some of them, and even the worthy valuing of the lay vocation in the Church.' Faced with these difficulties, the spokesman continued, "the Pope does not respond with socio-religious considerations, but by promoting a commitment to interior renewal on the part of all priests, so that their Gospel testimony in the world of today is more intense and weighty."(http://zenit.org/article-26254?l=english)

With the scandals that have tainted the world's view of the priesthood, in addition to the other struggles listed above, this year is a chance to promote the importance of praying for our priests- how they NEED our prayers to help them in their vocations! I am convinced that the devil, in an effort to conquer souls marked for Christ, seeks to attack the heart of each priest. This year we will strengthen the armies behind our priests, shielding them with the armor of our prayers.

John Vianney liked to say: "If we had faith, we would see God hidden in the priest like a light behind glass, like wine mixed with water." Recognizing the unique and beautiful vocation of the priesthood, how important it is to speak positively of each of them. Individually, they face a difficult spiritual battle every day, and they need our positive prayers, not criticisms. This is especially true of our pastors and parish priests. How easy it is to fall into the trap of discussing amongst ourselves which priest we "like," which one is "good" or which one makes decisions for the parish that we agree with. Shouldn't we instead be saying of each, "What a difficult time he must have making those decisions," "How can I better serve him in the parish," or "What can I do so that he feels my love and support today?"

I am blessed to have a brother who is pursuing a vocation to the priesthood. He is in his 6th year of seminarian studies with the Legionaries of Christ and is currently in Rome. Often times, when praying for my family members, I am ashamed to say that I am tempted to pray less for him thinking that he's set (that I don't have to worry about him- he's going to be a priest- he's got God). What a dangerous thread I walk there! In truth, he is the one that needs my prayers the most. He is fighting a spiritual battle that I have no true taste of, as he dedicates every hour of every day to intense studies, deep prayer, and the living of true Christian Charity in his community. Sounds like the devils favorite kind of "meat" if you ask me.

Pondering all of these things, I am devising ideas of how we can celebrate the Year of the Priest in our own home. My favorite idea so far is to take advantage of the plenary indulgence opportunity on the 1st Thursday of each month (see the text below with the guidelines for obtaining a plenary indulgence this year). Following confession of course, we would attend Mass on that day and then afterward with my children (and any friends who want to participate) we can make cards for a priest, maybe learn about the saint for whom that priest is named, offer prayers for him, and send him our artwork. This would be a simple, tangible way for my children to grasp the importance of praying for AND supporting our priests. Plus, I can obtain a plenary indulgence in the meantime- everybody wins:)


Here is the text of the Holy Father's audience at the start of the Year of the Priest on June 19:
http://zenit.org/article-26278?l=english
Here is the text of the Holy Father's audience just after the inauguration of the Year of the Priest on June 19.
http://zenit.org/article-26274?l=english;
And here is the text relevant to the lay faithful on receiving a plenary indulgence this year of the Priest:

VATICAN CITY, MAY 12, 2009 (Zenit.org).- The Vatican is offering a plenary indulgence for all faithful on the occasion of the Year for Priests, which is set to begin June 19 and last one year.

For the faithful, a plenary indulgence can be obtained on the opening and closing days of the Year for Priests, on the 150th anniversary of the death of St. Jean-Marie Vianney, on the first Thursday of the month, or on any other day established by the ordinaries of particular places for the good of the faithful.

To obtain the indulgence the faithful must attend Mass in an oratory or Church and offer prayers to "Jesus Christ, supreme and eternal Priest, for the priests of the Church, or perform any good work to sanctify and mould them to his heart."

The conditions for the faithful for earning a plenary indulgence are to have gone to confession and prayed for the intentions of the Pope.

The elderly, the sick, and all those who for any legitimate reason are unable to leave their homes may obtain the plenary indulgence if, with the intention of observing the usual three conditions as soon as they can, "on the days concerned, they pray for the sanctification of priests and offer their sickness and suffering to God through Mary, Queen of the Apostles."

A partial indulgence is offered to the faithful when they repeat five times the Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be, or any other duly approved prayer "in honor of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, to ask that priests maintain purity and sanctity of life."

© Innovative Media, Inc.

Reprinting ZENIT's articles requires written permission from the editor.

Come out, Come out, wherever you are!

Today I think God is hiding in the piles of laundry. So much to do, so little time to do it. Wish I could just get 30 minutes of quiet time for prayer, and maybe I will during nap time, but as of right now its not looking promising. And then there's the piles of laundry looming over me like big mountains that are about to come crashing in. Yes, it is that bad.

Sometimes I wonder how I could possibly find God in my chores. I'm reminded of Christ the worker. He lived at home with his parents until he was 30 years old! That's a long time to live at home. I think he did that just for us stay at home moms, because by doing so he sanctified the normal responsibilities and duties of home life. Ora et Labore: Work and pray. So much easier said than done if you ask me.

So today I don't have much to say except that I am reminded that the Lord gave me my vocation to Motherhood, and so I am meant to find Him in the normal and mundane (and I mean MUNDANE) responsibilities of my home.

Blessed Teresa of Calcutta (one of my personal favorites) said, "Whatever you do in your family, for your children, for your husband, for your wife, you do for Jesus."

I once heard a woman say that for every article of clothing that she folded she prayed for the family member to whom that clothing belonged. I think I'll try that today- it would certainly bring more meaning to the laundry which haunts me and which I normally look for every excuse to avoid!

Book to check out on the side-bar: "Grace Cafe."- a beautiful book of "recipes" for faithful mothering.

The Hidden Power of Kindness

Do you believe in it? I do...mostly because I believe in the ultimate, fulfilling, complete and unconditional love of God. But also because I have seen its power firsthand. God, in His infinite mercy and love, takes our humble efforts of self-sacrificial love and turns it into glory. The greatest charity is performed not to those who are "easy" to love, but to those that are hardest, or even those that are strangers ("When you saw me hungry and fed me, when you saw me naked and clothed me..."Matthew 25:34-40), and then there is "no greater love than to lay down your life for a friend" (John 15:13). Who is your friend? The Samaritan, the stranger (Luke 10:25).

I know a woman who has struggled for years with road rage. I don't blame her! There is hardly much worse than to be dangerously cut off by some speedster on the road. But as she grew in the experience of Christ's love for her, she decided that instead of giving in to her angry passion by cursing, flicking the person off, or yelling at him (none of which are productive), she turned her energies to the positive. When she would be cut off she would give the person every benefit of the doubt. She would say to herself, "Oh my goodness, that man is in a hurry, his wife is probably dying in the hospital and he's rushing to be by her side! Hail Mary, full of Grace, the Lord is with thee..." and she would pray for him. She forgot herself and turned it into use for the Good of the person who offended her! If you believe in the Love of God, then you know that no good act goes unfruitful. When she did that, something good happened somewhere as a result. I believe it. Maybe, just maybe, that prayer helped that man in some small way. Maybe it saved his life. Maybe it went to use to help that man convert back to the faith. She didn't know and it didn't matter- what mattered is she made an act of love, something that cost her (for it was not easy, she was angry!), for someone she did not know.

This past weekend I was faced with the opportunity to lay aside my own interests for the better of a stranger. I had just received some news that made my blood boil and my stress level rise. The specifics are not important. I turned my attention to praying for my intention, something that is not by any means bad to do, but I was immersed in my own problems and self-pity. On the way to a family event, I asked my husband if we could stop by the Adoration chapel at church. I needed some time in front of Christ to get my thoughts centered. I brought with me a novena that I was going to say for the intention of that thing that was causing me so much worry.

In the chapel, I laid all my fears and concerns at the foot of the cross, and begged the Lord to help me. While I was praying, a woman who had been praying in the chapel quietly walked to the front, knelt down, and embraced the tabernacle. She tried to hide it, but she was crying, and shaking. Then she got up, turned, and quietly walked out of the chapel. My heart was moved for her, so I got up and followed her out. She was standing outside the chapel at a crucifix, touching it and crying. I approached her and whispered, "I am praying for you. Don't worry. I am praying for you." She began to cry even harder. In addition to her emotional suffering, it became obvious she was in immense physical pain.

It turns out she had been suffering a severe illness for some time, she was in deadly pain, it hurt her eyes to see, her head to move. But that wasn't all. In spite of her suffering, her husband was leaving her and she feared that her children would be taken away from her because she is in so much pain it is hard to care for them. What could I say? I offered her my prayers. She looked me in the eyes, and it was then that I saw Christ: "I was sick and you visited me." My heart was moved.

I returned to the chapel, knelt down, and said a quick prayer for her. A heartfelt prayer, but a quick prayer (see how slow I get the point). Then I picked up my novena to say for my own seemingly horrible intentions. But when I got to the part of the novena that asked me to state my intention, I suddenly felt that my problems were nothing compared to this woman, and that while I felt that my issue was very important and needed prayers, I decided to offer the novena for this stranger instead of for my own personal situation. Specifically, I am praying for her physical and emotional healing.

It was my impression that this woman's resources were tapped. She had no where to turn, and was begging Christ for help. Well, my small and humble efforts to offer my novena for her may just help her a bit...and I hope that it means even more because I "died to myself" (I forgot my own passions and desires) for the sake of helping this soul. And maybe, just maybe, Christ's answer to my prayer for help was to turn my attention away from myself and towards another who needed Christ more.

Now I don't know what will come of her, or if she'll be healed or not. But every day I strive to give my whole heart into the novena for her. She is counting on my prayers, and needs them desperately. And let me tell you its not easy. I am still tempted to offer an extra novena for my personal intention, but then I'm reminded that if I give myself totally for the good of another, if I die to myself, then the Lord will take care of me.

Its a big journey in growth for me. But one I know I must make. And I know that what enabled me to do this is that I believe in the hidden power of kindness. We can transform the world one little act of kindness at a time!

These thoughts lead my heart to resolve to see Christ in each person I encounter today and to search for one hidden act of kindness for each. Oh, that's a lofty resolution- but I feel up to the challenge today. I'll let you know how it turns out.

For your leisure, I recommend the book "The Hidden Power of Kindness."

My life is a musical

I may be stating the obvious for those that know me, or have read my introduction above, but what none of you may realize is just how much of a musical my life really is. Being a former ballet dancer from a performing arts family may have something to do with it, I don't know.

Our life here on earth is a constant spiritual battle, and I try to be careful never to allow myself to get too comfortable, but to instead see my spiritual challenges or daily stresses as opportunities to cultivate virtue. Sounds easier than it is. Sometimes I just need to get pumped up. Anybody who grew up in the 80s is familiar with the song "Hit me with your best shot." Well, it is on my ipod, and when it just happens to come on while I'm out for an evening run it pumps me up. I imagine myself challenging satan with the threat, "come on, hit me with your best shot, I can take it, I have the Lord on my side and you can never win!"

For many of you this may sound childish or corny, but what you have to understand is that when I feel I've exhausted my prayer reserves, sometimes I just need a little humor to make my resolution to persevere more concrete. You should try it, you might be surprised at how effective it can be!

There are times in each day that I feel temptation grabbing at me. The temptation to give into my passions one way or another, whether it be to ignore the child who needs me just because its not a convenient time for me, or to ignore the piles of laundry just because I'm not in the mood, or to ignore an inspiration of the Holy Spirit to reach out to someone in need simply because "I don't have the time."

The reality is that every day is a spiritual battle. But bit by bit, Christ helps me to conquer my pride and vanity and through the experience of his love I am motivated to move forward.

Sometimes I encounter someone who is carrying a HUGE cross on their shoulders: an illness, the loss of a family member, strains in their marriage, a job lay-off, etc. And sometimes all they need is the experience of Christ to pull them through it. They need to experience Christ's love. And if I can somehow be that experience to them, if somehow they can feel Christ's personal love for them through me, than I have succeeded.

The important thing to remember is sometimes a person's cross may be invisible. They may be carrying a spiritual cross. The truth remains, Christ heals the deepest wounds. A smile, an act of love, a generous gesture, a loving sacrifice, a positive encouragement- these are all ways in which I have experienced Christ's love through others around me.

This week my spiritual battle has been with my children. How can I bring Christ to them in these moments of trial, when I fear we might rip each others eyes out? Okay, maybe its not that bad, but my times with my 3 year old and 1 year old can feel like that. Face it, we're a normal family! This afternoon, I leave with these thoughts: If I can be Christ to others outside my home, but not to my own husband and children, then I am a hypocrite. This afternoon I will search for 1 way to lovingly meet a need in each of family members that is costly to me (afterall, what good is giving anything if it costs me nothing?).