This weekend we completely cleaned out, decluttered, and reorganized our office, with the help of some new shelves from IKEA. It is a relief to have this finished!
In the process, I came across the books I have mentioned before that I had lost for some time: those of John Holt, "Learning all the Time," "How Children Learn," and "How Children Fail."
He is without mistake my favorite author on the education of children. Without even knowing it, his approach hits on a core understanding of the whole human person, how the Creator Himself designed us with a desire for knowledge and an amazing ability to use the resources around us to learn.
I want to share briefly (and I will try to be brief) a few excerpts from the first part of "Learning all the Time" that I have enjoyed this morning. If they appeal to you, by all means, order the book! I'll venture to say you won't regret it.
In John Holt's words:
"[This] book will be a demonstration that children, without being coerced or manipulated, or being put in exotic, specially prepared environments, or having their thinking planned or ordered for them, can, will, and do pick up from the world around them important information about what we call the Basics. It will also demonstrate that "ordinary" people, without special training and often without large amounts of schooling themselves, can give their children whatever slight assistance may be needed to help them in their exploration of the world, and that to do this task requires no more than a little tact, patience, attention, and readily available information."
And on the following page, "This is not a book about 'How to Help Your Child Succeed in School.' It is a book about children learning By learning I mean making more sense of the world around them. (let me try this again) Learning, to me, means making more sense of the world around us, and being able to do more things in it. Success in school means remembering the answers to teacher's questions, getting clever about guessing what answers they will ask, and about how to fool them when you don't know the answers. In this book I will for the most part be discussing...things we might do to make various aspects of the world more accessible, interesting, and transparent to children."
The first chapter, which I am currently re-reading, and enjoying just as much if not more than the first time I read it 5 years ago, is on Reading and Trust, Discovering Letters, Exploring words, and true reading readiness. It is filled with Holt's own interesting observations and experiences as a well-known and largely respected educator of his time (this book was written in the 80's).
O, how it lays my mind at ease and puts me in the proper mindset to approach my children with an attitude that far better supports THEM, as PERSONS, searching for confidence and support as they embark into the wonderful world of print.
Rest assured, I am not turning this blog into an education-philosophy blog. But this is a part of who I am, a part deeply intertwined in my faith, by which I have found gives breath and life to the truth of the human person as taught by the Church. By approaching the education of my children in this way, with this basis, I am testifying to the Love of Christ in them because I am understanding, respecting, and appreciating each one's unique and amazing ability TO LEARN without ME (or anyone for that matter) being one who teaches them to split back answers without truly understanding, without truly learning. Every day, my husband and I pray that we will educate our children in such a way that gives Glory to the Lord, and best prepares them for the unique vocation He has for each of them. And this is the path we're being led on. This is where Christ is leading us. Us. Our unique family. And so we leap forward in confidence, looking always to Christ as we go along, and being open to how He leads us.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Friday, September 2, 2011
Time with Kids
I am pondering this quote this morning, from none other than our beloved Holy Father:
A child needs loving attention. This means that we must give children some of our time, the time of our life…To have time and to give time- this is for us a very concrete way to learn to give oneself, to lose oneself in order to find oneself." (Pope Benedict XVI, December 22, 2006)
What a great summary of how the Lord has been leading me. He's been leading, as I mentioned before, in the virtue of simplicity. Exterior simplicity, simplicity of schedule, simplicity of goals, yes...but interior simplicity, simplicity of demeanor (that comes from the heart), and simplicity of faith. How much I can learn from my innocent children about how to have faith.
Today I will look them in their eyes, the gateway to their soul, and seek to give each a few moments of the very unique and personal attention that each desperately and unknowingly needs.
A child needs loving attention. This means that we must give children some of our time, the time of our life…To have time and to give time- this is for us a very concrete way to learn to give oneself, to lose oneself in order to find oneself." (Pope Benedict XVI, December 22, 2006)
What a great summary of how the Lord has been leading me. He's been leading, as I mentioned before, in the virtue of simplicity. Exterior simplicity, simplicity of schedule, simplicity of goals, yes...but interior simplicity, simplicity of demeanor (that comes from the heart), and simplicity of faith. How much I can learn from my innocent children about how to have faith.
Today I will look them in their eyes, the gateway to their soul, and seek to give each a few moments of the very unique and personal attention that each desperately and unknowingly needs.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Baby News! And reflections on questions we're getting used to hearing.
We recently discovered we are pregnant with baby #4! We are thrilled at the news, and our 3 little daughters haven't stopped squealing for joy. They genuine and innocent love and appreciation for new life is refreshing, and inspiring. In a society where more than 2 or 3 kids is seen as "crazy" and "irresponsible," its nice to know we're raising children who know and understand the value of an unborn life. Such people truly are ignorant.
You know what the craziest argument against having "a lot" of kids is? "They are putting too much CO2 into the atmosphere and are using up all the oxygen." Really? See, science teaches us that trees make more oxygen! Also, did God not tell Adam and Eve to "fill the earth and subdue it?" and to "Be fruitful and multiply?" Anyway, that's just one of the absurd things I've heard, in addition to other false assumptions about so-called "over-population" (when really most of the world is NOT replacing its population).
There is absolutely nothing like experiencing a new life within you. This is a gift I treasure. And I can tell you, it doesn't get old. I am so much in love with this baby that I have yet to feel or hold, and I am left in continual awe of the creative power of the Lord. And I'm in awe of my husband. So in love with him!
As you can imagine, with 3 daughters already, and no sons, we are preparing ourselves for the numerous comments we expect to get throughout this pregnancy. Ones such as:
So you're hoping this is a boy, right?
Oh you tried again for a boy!
Oh no, if its a girl, you're POOR husband!
These are all opportunities I know to be a positive witness. But lets be honest, especially when said in front of our 3 daughters, such comments and assumptions are tiresome and can be hurtful. Hurtful, I say, because no one can understand (but us) the immense love we have for our daughters, and how we would consider it to be an honor if our vocation were to raise daughters only in this world. We would not be one bit disappointed to discover its a girl, and its hurtful to think others assume we would be disappointed. Its also hurtful to think that our kids may overhear this and wonder if we would have rather had boys instead of them. I do know that the comment of "oh, poor dad" to my husband is hurtful to him. He loves his daughters more than anything in the world, and says there is NOTHING like when they wrap their little arms around his neck and say "I love you, Daddy, very much." He has said to me that he would absolutely LOVE if we had all girls. What a man!
Would we be excited if its a boy? Absolutely! I know I'd have a lot to learn but it would be an adventure (and that little boy would be totally loved and spoiled by his three big sisters)! We will be equally thrilled if it is a girl. Truly, boy or girl, this is not what's on our mind at this time. I think people assume that all we think about is what we "want" and "prefer" since, you know, we can control our family. Rather, we are finding this news of a new pregnancy an opportunity to re-examine our call to parenthood and to look at our 3 little girls and hug them close. I know this phase of life is fleeting in the grand scheme of eternity, and I want to soak up every minute!
Other typical questions are:
So are you done after this?
How many are you going to have?
I don't mind these questions, really. I think in a society where people are used to planning their family size to an exact science these are typical questions to ask. Also, I think people are genuinely just trying to make conversation and don't mean anything personally. But I've really spent some time reflecting on this. My conclusion comes from some loving advice from a mother of 12 children. Matt had just started graduate school last January, in addition to working full time, and our baby had just started crawling. The 2 year old was having a plethera of tantrums, and the then 4 year old was...well...she's always good. But I was overwhelmed. I had a little mini-break down with some friends, all who happen to be more experienced mothers. I asked them, "If I feel overwhelmed with 3 little ones, how will I ever have 4 or 5 or 8...because we want a big family!" This one mother of 12 said something that I really needed to hear, and didn't expect to hear. She said, with wisdom that can only come from raising 12 children with God's grace:
"I don't think anyone should have as their GOAL to have a big family. Your 'goal' should be to have the number of kids you have right now...because you can't ask for tomorrow's grace today. In other words, you can't imagine having 4 or 5 kids because you don't HAVE 5 kids, and therefore the GRACE isn't there for the asking. Of course the idea seems overwhelming! You do, however, have the grace for your 3 kids. If someday, you have more, God will give you the grace for those, too."
This resonated with both of us, and this idea has influenced our outlook on the matter. We LOVE our now 4 children, and wouldn't trade them for the world. We are grateful and consider ourselves blessed by their presence in our lives. If for some reason, I don't know what...but some reason, we cannot have more children after this then we will be grateful for these 4. I learned a lot from that mother. All I can speak of is the present moment. Right now, I have 3 born children, and 1 in utero, and I ask God every day for the grace to be the mother He needs and they need me to be. Its all about one step at a time. We no longer think of any particular number of kids as our "goal." What we do have as our goal is to have the number of kids that we have RIGHT NOW. Then, in the near future, if that number increases, we would welcome it with joy trusting in God's grace and wisdom!
We also feel blessed to have the guidance of the Holy Church on matters of family planning. Contraception is not an option, sterilization neither. My husband and I love this great adventure of being collaborators with the Lord in His creation! Should we someday be called to have 10-12 kids, we would accept that mission and vocation with joy, having confidence that the Lord does not give us what we cannot handle. But that isn't our "goal." Who knows what the future holds or where the Lord will lead us! Probably, and likely, somewhere we would never expect! But should we prayerfully discern a valid reason to purposely avoid a pregnancy, the Church in her wisdom has an option for us: natural family planning (charting fertility signs and cycles for avoiding or achieving a pregnancy). We always want to do His will. This summer when my cycle returned (I enjoy 13-14 months of ammenoreah, which means no period, while ecologically breastfeeding after a birth), we talked about possibly avoiding a pregnancy for a few months. But it just didn't feel right in our hearts. We trust the Lord's guidance, and we felt excited at whatever adventure lay ahead. And here we are! So grateful for this baby, and looking forward with great anticipation to the joys and trials of adjusting to a growing family! But it was good to go through that discussion period, it drew us closer together, and made us more active participants in following the Lord's will. The funny thing is, we really didn't expect this baby...the timing just didn't seem to line up for a pregnancy...but, the Lord works in many ways, and a baby that's intended by Him is a baby that's created (when the openness to life is there).
Earlier this week I wrote about peace. I do feel so at peace. Maybe its the calm before the storm...I'll let you know:) In the meantime, please remember us in prayer! You are in mine.
You know what the craziest argument against having "a lot" of kids is? "They are putting too much CO2 into the atmosphere and are using up all the oxygen." Really? See, science teaches us that trees make more oxygen! Also, did God not tell Adam and Eve to "fill the earth and subdue it?" and to "Be fruitful and multiply?" Anyway, that's just one of the absurd things I've heard, in addition to other false assumptions about so-called "over-population" (when really most of the world is NOT replacing its population).
There is absolutely nothing like experiencing a new life within you. This is a gift I treasure. And I can tell you, it doesn't get old. I am so much in love with this baby that I have yet to feel or hold, and I am left in continual awe of the creative power of the Lord. And I'm in awe of my husband. So in love with him!
As you can imagine, with 3 daughters already, and no sons, we are preparing ourselves for the numerous comments we expect to get throughout this pregnancy. Ones such as:
So you're hoping this is a boy, right?
Oh you tried again for a boy!
Oh no, if its a girl, you're POOR husband!
These are all opportunities I know to be a positive witness. But lets be honest, especially when said in front of our 3 daughters, such comments and assumptions are tiresome and can be hurtful. Hurtful, I say, because no one can understand (but us) the immense love we have for our daughters, and how we would consider it to be an honor if our vocation were to raise daughters only in this world. We would not be one bit disappointed to discover its a girl, and its hurtful to think others assume we would be disappointed. Its also hurtful to think that our kids may overhear this and wonder if we would have rather had boys instead of them. I do know that the comment of "oh, poor dad" to my husband is hurtful to him. He loves his daughters more than anything in the world, and says there is NOTHING like when they wrap their little arms around his neck and say "I love you, Daddy, very much." He has said to me that he would absolutely LOVE if we had all girls. What a man!
Would we be excited if its a boy? Absolutely! I know I'd have a lot to learn but it would be an adventure (and that little boy would be totally loved and spoiled by his three big sisters)! We will be equally thrilled if it is a girl. Truly, boy or girl, this is not what's on our mind at this time. I think people assume that all we think about is what we "want" and "prefer" since, you know, we can control our family. Rather, we are finding this news of a new pregnancy an opportunity to re-examine our call to parenthood and to look at our 3 little girls and hug them close. I know this phase of life is fleeting in the grand scheme of eternity, and I want to soak up every minute!
Other typical questions are:
So are you done after this?
How many are you going to have?
I don't mind these questions, really. I think in a society where people are used to planning their family size to an exact science these are typical questions to ask. Also, I think people are genuinely just trying to make conversation and don't mean anything personally. But I've really spent some time reflecting on this. My conclusion comes from some loving advice from a mother of 12 children. Matt had just started graduate school last January, in addition to working full time, and our baby had just started crawling. The 2 year old was having a plethera of tantrums, and the then 4 year old was...well...she's always good. But I was overwhelmed. I had a little mini-break down with some friends, all who happen to be more experienced mothers. I asked them, "If I feel overwhelmed with 3 little ones, how will I ever have 4 or 5 or 8...because we want a big family!" This one mother of 12 said something that I really needed to hear, and didn't expect to hear. She said, with wisdom that can only come from raising 12 children with God's grace:
"I don't think anyone should have as their GOAL to have a big family. Your 'goal' should be to have the number of kids you have right now...because you can't ask for tomorrow's grace today. In other words, you can't imagine having 4 or 5 kids because you don't HAVE 5 kids, and therefore the GRACE isn't there for the asking. Of course the idea seems overwhelming! You do, however, have the grace for your 3 kids. If someday, you have more, God will give you the grace for those, too."
This resonated with both of us, and this idea has influenced our outlook on the matter. We LOVE our now 4 children, and wouldn't trade them for the world. We are grateful and consider ourselves blessed by their presence in our lives. If for some reason, I don't know what...but some reason, we cannot have more children after this then we will be grateful for these 4. I learned a lot from that mother. All I can speak of is the present moment. Right now, I have 3 born children, and 1 in utero, and I ask God every day for the grace to be the mother He needs and they need me to be. Its all about one step at a time. We no longer think of any particular number of kids as our "goal." What we do have as our goal is to have the number of kids that we have RIGHT NOW. Then, in the near future, if that number increases, we would welcome it with joy trusting in God's grace and wisdom!
We also feel blessed to have the guidance of the Holy Church on matters of family planning. Contraception is not an option, sterilization neither. My husband and I love this great adventure of being collaborators with the Lord in His creation! Should we someday be called to have 10-12 kids, we would accept that mission and vocation with joy, having confidence that the Lord does not give us what we cannot handle. But that isn't our "goal." Who knows what the future holds or where the Lord will lead us! Probably, and likely, somewhere we would never expect! But should we prayerfully discern a valid reason to purposely avoid a pregnancy, the Church in her wisdom has an option for us: natural family planning (charting fertility signs and cycles for avoiding or achieving a pregnancy). We always want to do His will. This summer when my cycle returned (I enjoy 13-14 months of ammenoreah, which means no period, while ecologically breastfeeding after a birth), we talked about possibly avoiding a pregnancy for a few months. But it just didn't feel right in our hearts. We trust the Lord's guidance, and we felt excited at whatever adventure lay ahead. And here we are! So grateful for this baby, and looking forward with great anticipation to the joys and trials of adjusting to a growing family! But it was good to go through that discussion period, it drew us closer together, and made us more active participants in following the Lord's will. The funny thing is, we really didn't expect this baby...the timing just didn't seem to line up for a pregnancy...but, the Lord works in many ways, and a baby that's intended by Him is a baby that's created (when the openness to life is there).
Earlier this week I wrote about peace. I do feel so at peace. Maybe its the calm before the storm...I'll let you know:) In the meantime, please remember us in prayer! You are in mine.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Peace amidst the chaos
"Peace" is one of those things that I usually dream of, and wonder what it must be like. After all, I have 3 young children, a husband working full time AND attending graduate school, and a hopping house! But interior peace is something of a gift. It is a particular grace that I specifically prayed for recently, and though I'm not sure why the Lord deemed me worthy, alas the grace of peace is abounding. The last few days I have felt this wonderful interior peace, the kind that doesn't disturb easily because its rooted in the right place. The kind of peace that comes from knowing that most of my "stress" is about things that really don't matter in the great scheme of eternity. And yes, they are legitimate human stresses.
Money...huge human stress. Bills. Oh yes, you all know what I'm talking about, especially any of you who know what's it like to receive an onslaught of medical bills for months in a row. Marriage...has its moments. Parenting...has its moments. Daily chores and housekeeping...I hesitate to even go there. Social stresses, such as trying to decide which homeschool group to integrate further into, and what the Lord's will is for us in that regard.
I can't really explain what it is, if I have to narrow it down to how I feel so at peace amidst all this. But I believe that is because there is no human explanation except that God is amazing, and there are times of separation (where its hard to know if He's even there- those times that really test your faith), and times of fulfillment. And that God, in His immense goodness, never refuses to give us something that He determines is good for us.
I don't think there is anything particularly "right" I did to get here. Nor do I think it will, or should, last very long. All I know is that right now, in this present moment (days, really), I feel SO at peace. And that translates into a better demeanor toward my husband and children, and a better attitude and ability to accomplish whatever housework I can (in all honesty, being honest with myself about what I can accomplish without being lazy or going over the top). This balance I know comes from Christ. My circumstances haven't changed, I just have the grace to face them better.
We've had a wonderful few days. The rhythm of our activities have been smooth and pleasurable. I have kept up with my responsibilities in the home (without going over the top- I'm not trying to fool anyone- I do NOT have sparkly floors and ALL the laundry done, but I have done a few loads, and managed to keep the kitchen sink empty and clean- this is a huge accomplishment for me). I have also thoroughly enjoyed every moment with my children! Are they perfect? No. Am I? Certainly not. But whatever comes our way, I've been able to face it peacefully, becoming stern (though not angry) when necessary, humble when I'm wrong, and patient when its needed most. And the gentleness has come so naturally. Energy, too...I've been able to accomplish more than I thought I could in a day.
And my marriage...well, I learned something last weekend in Spiritual Direction with a wonderful priest whom we were blessed to have over for dinner. He gave me some excellent points to meditate on. Points that are hard not to share...perhaps I'll share more another time. For now, since I know my husband reads this, lets keep it a mystery so I can continue to work on it.
And you know what? I just realized that all of this has to be a fruit of my virtue for this year. I attend an annual Spiritual Exercises retreat, during which I craft a "program of life." You identify your root sin and then year after year you choose a virtue with means for attaining it that will, year by year, gradually take the edge off my root sin. Anyhow, without turning this into a Confessional, I can say that my virtue for this year is "Simplicity." The definition of simplicity as a Christian virtue is: rely on God for everything, answers are simple (yes/no), conduct is simple, lean on God for everything, fear nothing because you know God is there.
I have struggled with this one. I tend to allow the passion to get the best of me in moments of challenge, and I am horrible at maintaining that eternal perspective. But for whatever reason, the Lord has blessed me with the grace to know what true simplicity is like (and that inner peace that comes from it). I am humbled by this gift of peace, and grateful for it. I pray that I can use it to His glory in some way. But I also have no doubt that soon the plug will be pulled, and I will, in the true spirit of spiritual growth, once again be challenged to pursue the virtue even when I don't feel it, and even when its hardest. Perhaps the Lord allowed me to feel the peace so that I know better exactly what to pursue? I don't know...but I'm grateful nonetheless, as I will also be grateful when the "easy" part is over and its time to work at the virtue more intensely. Another opportunity to rely on the Lord!
God is good...so good.
Money...huge human stress. Bills. Oh yes, you all know what I'm talking about, especially any of you who know what's it like to receive an onslaught of medical bills for months in a row. Marriage...has its moments. Parenting...has its moments. Daily chores and housekeeping...I hesitate to even go there. Social stresses, such as trying to decide which homeschool group to integrate further into, and what the Lord's will is for us in that regard.
I can't really explain what it is, if I have to narrow it down to how I feel so at peace amidst all this. But I believe that is because there is no human explanation except that God is amazing, and there are times of separation (where its hard to know if He's even there- those times that really test your faith), and times of fulfillment. And that God, in His immense goodness, never refuses to give us something that He determines is good for us.
I don't think there is anything particularly "right" I did to get here. Nor do I think it will, or should, last very long. All I know is that right now, in this present moment (days, really), I feel SO at peace. And that translates into a better demeanor toward my husband and children, and a better attitude and ability to accomplish whatever housework I can (in all honesty, being honest with myself about what I can accomplish without being lazy or going over the top). This balance I know comes from Christ. My circumstances haven't changed, I just have the grace to face them better.
We've had a wonderful few days. The rhythm of our activities have been smooth and pleasurable. I have kept up with my responsibilities in the home (without going over the top- I'm not trying to fool anyone- I do NOT have sparkly floors and ALL the laundry done, but I have done a few loads, and managed to keep the kitchen sink empty and clean- this is a huge accomplishment for me). I have also thoroughly enjoyed every moment with my children! Are they perfect? No. Am I? Certainly not. But whatever comes our way, I've been able to face it peacefully, becoming stern (though not angry) when necessary, humble when I'm wrong, and patient when its needed most. And the gentleness has come so naturally. Energy, too...I've been able to accomplish more than I thought I could in a day.
And my marriage...well, I learned something last weekend in Spiritual Direction with a wonderful priest whom we were blessed to have over for dinner. He gave me some excellent points to meditate on. Points that are hard not to share...perhaps I'll share more another time. For now, since I know my husband reads this, lets keep it a mystery so I can continue to work on it.
And you know what? I just realized that all of this has to be a fruit of my virtue for this year. I attend an annual Spiritual Exercises retreat, during which I craft a "program of life." You identify your root sin and then year after year you choose a virtue with means for attaining it that will, year by year, gradually take the edge off my root sin. Anyhow, without turning this into a Confessional, I can say that my virtue for this year is "Simplicity." The definition of simplicity as a Christian virtue is: rely on God for everything, answers are simple (yes/no), conduct is simple, lean on God for everything, fear nothing because you know God is there.
I have struggled with this one. I tend to allow the passion to get the best of me in moments of challenge, and I am horrible at maintaining that eternal perspective. But for whatever reason, the Lord has blessed me with the grace to know what true simplicity is like (and that inner peace that comes from it). I am humbled by this gift of peace, and grateful for it. I pray that I can use it to His glory in some way. But I also have no doubt that soon the plug will be pulled, and I will, in the true spirit of spiritual growth, once again be challenged to pursue the virtue even when I don't feel it, and even when its hardest. Perhaps the Lord allowed me to feel the peace so that I know better exactly what to pursue? I don't know...but I'm grateful nonetheless, as I will also be grateful when the "easy" part is over and its time to work at the virtue more intensely. Another opportunity to rely on the Lord!
God is good...so good.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Reflections on Early Education and the "Liberation of Learning"
By now, for those of you who have been following my blog, and those that know me, it is no secret that we tend toward a more child-led, natural, and gentle approach to homeschooling. Some may call us "relaxed homeschoolers," but I assure you it sure doesn't feel relaxing! At any rate, it is a smooth and gentle environment (and from the kids perspective, it is relaxing) for learning to happen in each day.
I am currently reading two books on the matter. Those of you that know me also know that I tend to "read" many parenting/breastfeeding/birth/education books all at once. Presently, and surprisingly, it is only 2, and they both happen to be education books: Better Late than Early, by the Moores, and Educating the WholeHearted Child, by Sally Clarkson (please note: this link is for the latest edition, while the copy I will reference, which I purchased on consignment is the 2nd edition).
Of course, I have to put in a plug for my all-time favorite early childhood book, Learning all the Time, by John Holt, which consequently I seem to have misplaced...maybe I lent it to someone?
Before I dive into some snapshots of the books, a disclaimer (as usual): your style of homeschooling (or not homeschooling) is unique and personal. What I am about to share is not a judgment or reflection on anyone else's choices. Rather, I seek to share some text that we find particularly and personally enlightening and that resonate with our unique family. Maybe you'll like what I'm about to share, maybe you won't. At any rate, we all entitled to selecting the method we want (and most importantly, that which we discern is God's will).
In Better Late than Early, the Moores present a philosophy well supported by sound research. Their bottom line claim is that no child is truly ready for academic work until age 8. Are you shocked? I was, too, at first, until I saw that they are not recommending that parents "do nothing" until that time. Rather, they outline how very essential it is for children to be close to their parents (ideally at home) with as much freedom to pursue their curiosities as possible, without sacrificing the formation of good habit (ie: the importance of chores and reasonable responsibilities at each age) and virtuous obedience to the parents.
On page 21: Without professional training, simply by being herself, a concerned, loving mother usually can do more for her normal child than a teacher can. Parents should, of course, be willing to learn new ideas. But a mother need not be a trained teacher, nor does she need to teach in any formal way. By using the framework of everyday home activities in a practical way, she can help her child learn as much as possible about the things around him.
This is exactly what reading John Holt's Learning all the Time helped us to see early on in our parenting (eager parents we were, we read that book when our oldest was just 6 months old). Reading that and having the amazing example of my dear cousin (sister, friend) and how she was with her own children...seeing the value of learning in everyday circumstances, and seizing opportunities.
I particularly like the quote above, though, for the reason that it addresses the concerns of many critics of homeschooling that argue that a mother should be required by law to be a licensed teacher in order to homeschool her own children: a criticism, unfounded in any sound research, that makes my blood boil within my veins when its said to my face (I am working at a more level headed, virtuous response to such comments).
In chapter 7, the Moores lay out the time line by which children develop their senses (particularly sight and sound) and brain functioning. They assure parents not to worry if their child, at a young age, seems to lag "behind" others his age. All children develop differently. They say:
If a child is required to develop basic skills in reading, writing, arithmatic and language arts before the various functions of the brain balance out, he often will give the impression that he is retarded or mentally disabled. Such "learning disabilities" frequently disappear with thoughtful parenting, when the child is withdrawn from kindgarden or primary school and given freedom from studies for another year or two. But if he is kept at these learning tasks before he is ready for them, he may develop any one of the many problems associated with learning failure. Some of these problems are as simple as hesitation, confusion of words or reversal of letters; some may be more complex nervous disorders, such as stuttering, stammering or severe psychological disturbances.
And this:
We must realize that the child who is required to learn things before he is ready may quickly tire of them. Or he may become anxiety-ridden and so frustrated that he will not try at all.
An interesting point to ponder. Ask any child that goes to school and they view learning as a drag. In fact, I do know homeschoolers in the same situation. Its all in how you do it, I think. Basically, the "smart" ones are bored, and the "slower" ones have anxiety at trying to meet someone else's standards of excellence.
So when do neurological abilities usually balance out in early development? The Moores cite research that these abilities mature rapidly between ages of 5 and 7, and reach a point of efficiency in functioning at age 10 or 11. They conclude: At this age, the various aspects of a child's development have reached a level of maturity and integration that make learning relatively easy.
So if a child doesn't start school until age 8, won't they be behind? On the contrary, they do not suggest that a child at age 8 enter into the first grade. They are suggesting that a majority (if not all) of the material taught in conventional schools (and homeschool curriculums) can be learned faster and more easily at a later age (8) with less risk to the child's emotional and mental health, and that such children are statistically proven to be better adjusted and more successful learners by ages 8-12 than those put in school early on (many children now are thrust into formal learning at age 3, or younger!).
The 2nd half of the book is spent laying out suggestions that are appropriate to a child's development (in regards to learning and their abilities) at each stage. However, they include a chapter on infancy that is appauling, so readers beware. The rest of the book is so well-founded with good research, but then they throw in unfounded claims about infancy that make no sense. For example, they claim the importance of a child developing trust and attachment with the parent, but then recommend that a parent tie a babies arms down and leave them in their crib to cry, lest you would surely raise a spoiled child (in fact, they guarantee the child will be spoiled). Yikes. At the beginning of the book, they encourage anyone who finds opposing research to anything that they present to send it to them. Do I have opposing evidence to that? Boy, do I ever. They will be getting a big packet from me. Maybe I should send them my own kids as evidence against their claim? Okay, maybe not...but the packet, yet.
I say this not to take away from the rest of the book because the rest of it really is based on solid research! I would recommend the book, excluding that chapter, to anyone.
Anyway, back on track...and on to Educating the WholeHearted Child by Sally Clarkson. As with most things, take what works for you and leave the rest. The following excerpts resonate with me:
(From page 2)
Your home can and should be a warm, vibrant place where your children love to learn as freely and as naturally as they love to play. In fact, education should be a natural activity of every Christian home...For many homeschooling families, though, the tyranny of textbooks and the rigid rule of school have stolen the joy of homeschooling. The freedom that home schooling should bring is held captive by the impersonal formality and constant demands of structured curricula. Families with the right intentions become enslaved to the wrong educational methods- methods designed for human institutions, not for the home. (bold print mine for emphasis).
I think this is an important point. Structured programs of "learning" are truly designed for classrooms with an average 30:1 student-teacher ratio. They need a structure, they need a system, and for them, it works (at least they claim it does). But some companies have caught on to the fact that there is big money in designing and pushing boxed curriculums on homeschooling families, often times resulting in a parent feeling less than capable to design their own. I speak somewhat from experience here, as I was homeschooled from 3-8th grade. I was the oldest child, and in the 80s there was not as much support for homeschoolers, so trying a boxed curriculum made sense to my parents, and they did...for a couple years, until my mom ventured into the unknown: designing her own "curriculum" year by year. I was on both sides of the spectrum: boxed curriculum, to relaxed, uniquely chosen collections of "subjects" and activities put together by my mom each semester. The latter did me better service, and I remember those years fondly.
My personal experience aside, I think that when discerning if a boxed curriculum/program is right for a family, it would do one good to weigh heavily the basic fact that it is a money-making institution- out to make money off of making parents feel they can't do it (can't successfully homeschool) without their programs. And if you do subscribe to a program or method, hopefully you can meet the challenge (and it is a challenge) of fitting the curriculum TO the child, instead of forcing the child to fit the program. That is my unprofessional, yet apparently research based opinion that Sally Clarkson echoes in her book (and I would consider her a professional).
She adds:
That was briefly our experience, too, until we realized that textbooks and formal curricula were artificial means of education. Rather than unleashing potential,they held it back. For us as parents, they created a false security that we were doing enough, and a false confidence that our children were really learning. For our children, they created a false dependency on formal methods of learning, and a false distinction between learning and living. We began to see how conventional classroom curricula diluted the wonder and joy of real learning, and turned it into a tedious and burdensome task unrelated to real life at home...On the other hand, our children naturally loved reading and being read to, talking about their own insights and ideas, learning through real life, and having time to explore and learn on their own. We knew instinctively this was how God intended our children to live and learn. It was the liberation of learning in our home!
Sally proceeds in her book to describe various methods of homeschooling, and the "pros" to each approach (oddly, she does not list the "cons"- perhaps she is being charitable? Or trying to focus on the positive and let families decide for themselves?). Its the best summary of the various philosophies that I've seen yet. Then, the meat of the book, is focused on the development of virtue and gifts in your child/ren. She talks about forming their "heart." Education at the heart is, after all, what matters the most, I would argue. After all, if the heart is in the right place, the mind follows, right? I think so. And she presents the best place for any heart to be: Christ, and her book is laced with beautiful quotes from scripture.
She also gives good guidelines for how to discern the proper use of curricula, practical guidelines for how to set up your home as a learning environment, and tips for how to teach to your child's own learning style.
Her approach is a whole-child, whole-hearted approach, and is very Christian. It is largely based on the Charlotte Mason approach of living books, and the formation of habit in children. I am enlightened by her ideas and suggestions and look forward to gathering more ideas from her! She reminds me a great deal of my other favorite book by Elizabeth Foss, "Real Learning: Education in the Heart of the Home." In fact, if you find any of this appealing, I highly recommend her blog. It was there that I first heard of Sally Clarkson's book. Truly, it is so much more than an "education" blog- it is about faith, family, mothering, homeschooling, living, serving and loving.
Since we're on this topic, I also wanted to share that I scored big time at our local homeschool-supply consignment store. I purchased cuisenaire rods (and activity books to match), hundreds boards, counting bears, some "living books" (quality literature to read to my children), some pre-K and K games (such as "how to tell time" and "alphabet bingo") to go in Luce's "Discovery Box". I'll add these to the other supplies and hands-on activities that we passed on to me from my mom. My plan is to, 3 days a week, set aside just 1 hour (including time for reading and exploring books together) to pull out the special activity blanket, pull some of these things out, and all have fun. I also created a "word box" in which Bella can write and file (alphabetically) all the words that she can read, and remember. That's about the extent of "phonics" we'll do this year. She's doing far better with this, and on her own, than when I attempted a more structured approach to forcing her to learn how to read. I did purchase phonogram cards with spelling rules at the store as well, but those will be put up for the time being. I have learned, seen, and am learning that when a child says she is "ready" to learn how to read, it doesn't really mean she is "ready" (in the sense of a sit-down and learn it until you like it approach). Sally and the Moores, in both of their prospective books, agree and make it vividly clear that children are not ready for sit-down academic "work" at the age of 5 and 6 (when most schools are teaching reading). Nor are they ready for the discipline of forced "learning" time (quoted since I have doubts that any real learning happens when it is forced against one's will...most certainly at that age).
Well, enough from the opinion portion of my brain. Now you know what I've been feeding on the last couple weeks!
Here are some quick links to the books I mentioned today:
Learning all the Time
Educating the WholeHearted Child
Better Late than Early
Real Learning: Education in the Heart of my Home
Another post to come later with some money-saving secrets (that aren't really that secret, I'm just that slow!).
I am currently reading two books on the matter. Those of you that know me also know that I tend to "read" many parenting/breastfeeding/birth/education books all at once. Presently, and surprisingly, it is only 2, and they both happen to be education books: Better Late than Early, by the Moores, and Educating the WholeHearted Child, by Sally Clarkson (please note: this link is for the latest edition, while the copy I will reference, which I purchased on consignment is the 2nd edition).
Of course, I have to put in a plug for my all-time favorite early childhood book, Learning all the Time, by John Holt, which consequently I seem to have misplaced...maybe I lent it to someone?
Before I dive into some snapshots of the books, a disclaimer (as usual): your style of homeschooling (or not homeschooling) is unique and personal. What I am about to share is not a judgment or reflection on anyone else's choices. Rather, I seek to share some text that we find particularly and personally enlightening and that resonate with our unique family. Maybe you'll like what I'm about to share, maybe you won't. At any rate, we all entitled to selecting the method we want (and most importantly, that which we discern is God's will).
In Better Late than Early, the Moores present a philosophy well supported by sound research. Their bottom line claim is that no child is truly ready for academic work until age 8. Are you shocked? I was, too, at first, until I saw that they are not recommending that parents "do nothing" until that time. Rather, they outline how very essential it is for children to be close to their parents (ideally at home) with as much freedom to pursue their curiosities as possible, without sacrificing the formation of good habit (ie: the importance of chores and reasonable responsibilities at each age) and virtuous obedience to the parents.
On page 21: Without professional training, simply by being herself, a concerned, loving mother usually can do more for her normal child than a teacher can. Parents should, of course, be willing to learn new ideas. But a mother need not be a trained teacher, nor does she need to teach in any formal way. By using the framework of everyday home activities in a practical way, she can help her child learn as much as possible about the things around him.
This is exactly what reading John Holt's Learning all the Time helped us to see early on in our parenting (eager parents we were, we read that book when our oldest was just 6 months old). Reading that and having the amazing example of my dear cousin (sister, friend) and how she was with her own children...seeing the value of learning in everyday circumstances, and seizing opportunities.
I particularly like the quote above, though, for the reason that it addresses the concerns of many critics of homeschooling that argue that a mother should be required by law to be a licensed teacher in order to homeschool her own children: a criticism, unfounded in any sound research, that makes my blood boil within my veins when its said to my face (I am working at a more level headed, virtuous response to such comments).
In chapter 7, the Moores lay out the time line by which children develop their senses (particularly sight and sound) and brain functioning. They assure parents not to worry if their child, at a young age, seems to lag "behind" others his age. All children develop differently. They say:
If a child is required to develop basic skills in reading, writing, arithmatic and language arts before the various functions of the brain balance out, he often will give the impression that he is retarded or mentally disabled. Such "learning disabilities" frequently disappear with thoughtful parenting, when the child is withdrawn from kindgarden or primary school and given freedom from studies for another year or two. But if he is kept at these learning tasks before he is ready for them, he may develop any one of the many problems associated with learning failure. Some of these problems are as simple as hesitation, confusion of words or reversal of letters; some may be more complex nervous disorders, such as stuttering, stammering or severe psychological disturbances.
And this:
We must realize that the child who is required to learn things before he is ready may quickly tire of them. Or he may become anxiety-ridden and so frustrated that he will not try at all.
An interesting point to ponder. Ask any child that goes to school and they view learning as a drag. In fact, I do know homeschoolers in the same situation. Its all in how you do it, I think. Basically, the "smart" ones are bored, and the "slower" ones have anxiety at trying to meet someone else's standards of excellence.
So when do neurological abilities usually balance out in early development? The Moores cite research that these abilities mature rapidly between ages of 5 and 7, and reach a point of efficiency in functioning at age 10 or 11. They conclude: At this age, the various aspects of a child's development have reached a level of maturity and integration that make learning relatively easy.
So if a child doesn't start school until age 8, won't they be behind? On the contrary, they do not suggest that a child at age 8 enter into the first grade. They are suggesting that a majority (if not all) of the material taught in conventional schools (and homeschool curriculums) can be learned faster and more easily at a later age (8) with less risk to the child's emotional and mental health, and that such children are statistically proven to be better adjusted and more successful learners by ages 8-12 than those put in school early on (many children now are thrust into formal learning at age 3, or younger!).
The 2nd half of the book is spent laying out suggestions that are appropriate to a child's development (in regards to learning and their abilities) at each stage. However, they include a chapter on infancy that is appauling, so readers beware. The rest of the book is so well-founded with good research, but then they throw in unfounded claims about infancy that make no sense. For example, they claim the importance of a child developing trust and attachment with the parent, but then recommend that a parent tie a babies arms down and leave them in their crib to cry, lest you would surely raise a spoiled child (in fact, they guarantee the child will be spoiled). Yikes. At the beginning of the book, they encourage anyone who finds opposing research to anything that they present to send it to them. Do I have opposing evidence to that? Boy, do I ever. They will be getting a big packet from me. Maybe I should send them my own kids as evidence against their claim? Okay, maybe not...but the packet, yet.
I say this not to take away from the rest of the book because the rest of it really is based on solid research! I would recommend the book, excluding that chapter, to anyone.
Anyway, back on track...and on to Educating the WholeHearted Child by Sally Clarkson. As with most things, take what works for you and leave the rest. The following excerpts resonate with me:
(From page 2)
Your home can and should be a warm, vibrant place where your children love to learn as freely and as naturally as they love to play. In fact, education should be a natural activity of every Christian home...For many homeschooling families, though, the tyranny of textbooks and the rigid rule of school have stolen the joy of homeschooling. The freedom that home schooling should bring is held captive by the impersonal formality and constant demands of structured curricula. Families with the right intentions become enslaved to the wrong educational methods- methods designed for human institutions, not for the home. (bold print mine for emphasis).
I think this is an important point. Structured programs of "learning" are truly designed for classrooms with an average 30:1 student-teacher ratio. They need a structure, they need a system, and for them, it works (at least they claim it does). But some companies have caught on to the fact that there is big money in designing and pushing boxed curriculums on homeschooling families, often times resulting in a parent feeling less than capable to design their own. I speak somewhat from experience here, as I was homeschooled from 3-8th grade. I was the oldest child, and in the 80s there was not as much support for homeschoolers, so trying a boxed curriculum made sense to my parents, and they did...for a couple years, until my mom ventured into the unknown: designing her own "curriculum" year by year. I was on both sides of the spectrum: boxed curriculum, to relaxed, uniquely chosen collections of "subjects" and activities put together by my mom each semester. The latter did me better service, and I remember those years fondly.
My personal experience aside, I think that when discerning if a boxed curriculum/program is right for a family, it would do one good to weigh heavily the basic fact that it is a money-making institution- out to make money off of making parents feel they can't do it (can't successfully homeschool) without their programs. And if you do subscribe to a program or method, hopefully you can meet the challenge (and it is a challenge) of fitting the curriculum TO the child, instead of forcing the child to fit the program. That is my unprofessional, yet apparently research based opinion that Sally Clarkson echoes in her book (and I would consider her a professional).
She adds:
That was briefly our experience, too, until we realized that textbooks and formal curricula were artificial means of education. Rather than unleashing potential,they held it back. For us as parents, they created a false security that we were doing enough, and a false confidence that our children were really learning. For our children, they created a false dependency on formal methods of learning, and a false distinction between learning and living. We began to see how conventional classroom curricula diluted the wonder and joy of real learning, and turned it into a tedious and burdensome task unrelated to real life at home...On the other hand, our children naturally loved reading and being read to, talking about their own insights and ideas, learning through real life, and having time to explore and learn on their own. We knew instinctively this was how God intended our children to live and learn. It was the liberation of learning in our home!
Sally proceeds in her book to describe various methods of homeschooling, and the "pros" to each approach (oddly, she does not list the "cons"- perhaps she is being charitable? Or trying to focus on the positive and let families decide for themselves?). Its the best summary of the various philosophies that I've seen yet. Then, the meat of the book, is focused on the development of virtue and gifts in your child/ren. She talks about forming their "heart." Education at the heart is, after all, what matters the most, I would argue. After all, if the heart is in the right place, the mind follows, right? I think so. And she presents the best place for any heart to be: Christ, and her book is laced with beautiful quotes from scripture.
She also gives good guidelines for how to discern the proper use of curricula, practical guidelines for how to set up your home as a learning environment, and tips for how to teach to your child's own learning style.
Her approach is a whole-child, whole-hearted approach, and is very Christian. It is largely based on the Charlotte Mason approach of living books, and the formation of habit in children. I am enlightened by her ideas and suggestions and look forward to gathering more ideas from her! She reminds me a great deal of my other favorite book by Elizabeth Foss, "Real Learning: Education in the Heart of the Home." In fact, if you find any of this appealing, I highly recommend her blog. It was there that I first heard of Sally Clarkson's book. Truly, it is so much more than an "education" blog- it is about faith, family, mothering, homeschooling, living, serving and loving.
Since we're on this topic, I also wanted to share that I scored big time at our local homeschool-supply consignment store. I purchased cuisenaire rods (and activity books to match), hundreds boards, counting bears, some "living books" (quality literature to read to my children), some pre-K and K games (such as "how to tell time" and "alphabet bingo") to go in Luce's "Discovery Box". I'll add these to the other supplies and hands-on activities that we passed on to me from my mom. My plan is to, 3 days a week, set aside just 1 hour (including time for reading and exploring books together) to pull out the special activity blanket, pull some of these things out, and all have fun. I also created a "word box" in which Bella can write and file (alphabetically) all the words that she can read, and remember. That's about the extent of "phonics" we'll do this year. She's doing far better with this, and on her own, than when I attempted a more structured approach to forcing her to learn how to read. I did purchase phonogram cards with spelling rules at the store as well, but those will be put up for the time being. I have learned, seen, and am learning that when a child says she is "ready" to learn how to read, it doesn't really mean she is "ready" (in the sense of a sit-down and learn it until you like it approach). Sally and the Moores, in both of their prospective books, agree and make it vividly clear that children are not ready for sit-down academic "work" at the age of 5 and 6 (when most schools are teaching reading). Nor are they ready for the discipline of forced "learning" time (quoted since I have doubts that any real learning happens when it is forced against one's will...most certainly at that age).
Well, enough from the opinion portion of my brain. Now you know what I've been feeding on the last couple weeks!
Here are some quick links to the books I mentioned today:
Learning all the Time
Educating the WholeHearted Child
Better Late than Early
Real Learning: Education in the Heart of my Home
Another post to come later with some money-saving secrets (that aren't really that secret, I'm just that slow!).
Saturday, August 6, 2011
More ready than I thought....
I showed her how to thread the machine, and how to stitch in a straight line. She practiced on some scraps. I walked away from the machine, and her confidence grew even more. I popped in when she needed me, and helped when I was asked (not very often). I love witnessing my children learning! They delight in it! They devour it! All I had to do was believe in her (instead of saying, "no, you can't...you're not old enough"). All that said, I must point out that I did consider her emotional maturity (and ability to follow rules for the proper use of materials and machines). Upon seeing how she took to the practice cloths so naturally and carefully, attentive to all the safety guidelines I had laid out, I could see she was ready for a project. Hence, I proceeded to give her permission for such. She can't wait to make another...and wants to work on a project with me. If that's not motivation for me to keep up with this sewing thing, I don't know what is!
All by herself, with my only guidance being to sew inside out, leaving an opening for stuffing, and giving her the materials, she made this adorable pillow. She even finished it off herself with a steady hand-stitch.
Then, my little successful seamstress, whose love language I am convinced is "gift-giving," so proud of her creation, immediately thought of someone special to give it to: our 13 year old cousin who is staying with us from out of state. Her little heart filled to the brim with generosity, knowing she worked so hard to create something, immediately thought not of herself, but of someone else she thought would enjoy it more than she would (and she would have enjoyed it for herself). I am so proud of it. I don't want to squash any of her naturally generous tendencies. However, I just might suggest she make a few more pillows because they are just too cute to resist! And so is she.
All by herself, with my only guidance being to sew inside out, leaving an opening for stuffing, and giving her the materials, she made this adorable pillow. She even finished it off herself with a steady hand-stitch.
Then, my little successful seamstress, whose love language I am convinced is "gift-giving," so proud of her creation, immediately thought of someone special to give it to: our 13 year old cousin who is staying with us from out of state. Her little heart filled to the brim with generosity, knowing she worked so hard to create something, immediately thought not of herself, but of someone else she thought would enjoy it more than she would (and she would have enjoyed it for herself). I am so proud of it. I don't want to squash any of her naturally generous tendencies. However, I just might suggest she make a few more pillows because they are just too cute to resist! And so is she.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Finding my Groove...
...my sewing groove, that is! What you're about to see will seem quite elementary to all of you seasoned seamstresses, but this is truly an accomplishment for me. You see, I am an early beginner. I have been for a couple years now. The biggest obstacle to my progress beyond this stage has been my impatience and my tendency to cut corners or eliminate steps (something I have learned you cannot do with sewing). Also, I'm the type who usually gets more of a thrill from social interaction than from working alone. But alas, I am learning and growing! I have to say, this is my first successful project. Actually, my true first project is something I made the day before I made these, but that is to be a gift for someone special, so mums the word right now. I will post a picture of it after Wednesday (it was slightly more difficult of a project than these).
I chose a simple project. It is this skirt. My oldest requested that it be made longer for her. The younger two are a length more appropriate for their running, crawling, and playing (they wear shorts underneath).
I cannot take full credit for these without first thanking my husband who, amidst his intense graduate studies and work obligations, kept the baby occupied and out of thedining sewing room pretty much the entire weekend. My hope is, now that I've discovered the joy in this work, that I can discipline myself to work on projects after the kids go to bed (instead of being a lazy beached whale on the couch, watching Netflix films). As such, my new found hobby would not be a cause of any stress on the rest of the family. Also, my oldest wants, and I believe is ready, to learn a basic use of the sewing machine, so we can work on projects together during nap times.
Next on the list:
Cloth napkins (to reduce the waist of paper ones we fly through each day).
My goal:
To challenge myself with a slightly more difficult pattern (more difficult than this anyway). Dresses, maybe?
The biggest accomplishment, however, wasn't the physical result. For the first time ever, this weekend I discovered that sewing can be relaxing. Imagine that! I truly had forgotten the joy of having a goal, working for it, failing, trying again, and accomplishing it. By the end of these skirts, I was no longer becoming frustrated with simple obstacles, and was joyfully able to address whatever lay before me in a calm and peaceful fashion. Maybe such virtue will sort of carry over into my every day life! I could sure use that.
I chose a simple project. It is this skirt. My oldest requested that it be made longer for her. The younger two are a length more appropriate for their running, crawling, and playing (they wear shorts underneath).
I cannot take full credit for these without first thanking my husband who, amidst his intense graduate studies and work obligations, kept the baby occupied and out of the
Next on the list:
Cloth napkins (to reduce the waist of paper ones we fly through each day).
My goal:
To challenge myself with a slightly more difficult pattern (more difficult than this anyway). Dresses, maybe?
The biggest accomplishment, however, wasn't the physical result. For the first time ever, this weekend I discovered that sewing can be relaxing. Imagine that! I truly had forgotten the joy of having a goal, working for it, failing, trying again, and accomplishing it. By the end of these skirts, I was no longer becoming frustrated with simple obstacles, and was joyfully able to address whatever lay before me in a calm and peaceful fashion. Maybe such virtue will sort of carry over into my every day life! I could sure use that.
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