Mediocrity does not lead to growth

A friend and I were speaking recently about a recent phenomenon that seems to have seeped into Catholic culture from the outside, caused by two ideals. The first: Our modern society is, unfortunately, largely relativistic. "What's right for you is right for you, but not for me" on moral matters. Explaining the many holes in this belief system is another post entirely.

The Second factor of influence is our society's aversion to work, to anything hard. People work for the sake of money, not work ethic. They work so they can go on vacation. They work because they have to, not because they recognize work as integral to our being. There was a time when work was expected, of all ages, in order to live. But we live in a society of convenience. We don't have to get up and milk a cow, feed it, clean its stall, because instead we can run down to the local store. We don't have to spend months growing wheat, patiently waiting for the right time to harvest, then carefully and methodically milling the wheat into flour, storing it, and using it throughout the year to bake bread. No, we can buy as many loaves as we want without ever putting the work, or the patience, into making it. We are a feel good society. Work is viewed as necessary, most of the time, but as a nuisance. We apparently LIVE for relaxing. For the 5:00 bell. For a break. For a chance to lay on the beach and "do nothing."

Both of these factors have influenced how a Catholic mom, eager to live her vocation to marriage and motherhood, encounters every day, and usually unknowingly. Being a mom of young children, especially multiple young children, is not easy! It does require work, patience, focus. There are no sick days for the mom, no vacations from being a mom. It IS who we are.

So often I hear a young mom (and to be honest, occasionally myself) complain that they simply "can't handle it all." "It's too much!" "The house is always a mess!" "The kids always need me!" "There's not enough time in the day!" "I just need to relax tonight and zone out in front of the TV." (yup, been there). I have to wonder, though, is the reason we find ourselves discontent with the level of work, or easily stressed, because an aversion to work has become ingrained in us because of the society we grew up in, and the couple generations before us?

Here I will insert a disclaimer: I am not speaking to a mom who is experiencing burn out, who is so overwhelmed she can't see her way out. I've been there. I think its safe to say every mom has at some point, or even multiple points. If anyone is reading this and feeling guilty at the state of their own life, I want to point out that I am not writing this judgementally, or in any way condesendingly. I am weak, imperfect, and small. If you were to walk into my house this very moment, you'd see that (I've been in a bad mood today, my house is a mess, I've been less than respectful to my husband today).

All that aside,I intend to examine WHY us moms fall into this all too often (this feeling overwhelmed by work)! I've found myself all too often "feeling guilty" because of various awesome-mom blog posts of these other moms doing awesome things with their children and their home. But through self-reflection, I've come to realize that if I feel guilty reading these posts, its because I am at fault in some way. No one can MAKE anyone feel guilty. Guilt comes from ones self, especially when our intended human nature (as created by God) has been violated in some way.

So I dove into reflecting on this. I was led to trying a little experiment. I took a day and noted exactly how much time it took me to do things. Everything was a part of this. How long did it take me to change a diaper? To put away the dishes? To throw in a load of laundry? And what did I do for the minutes between each of those tasks? Did I do anything productive?

Do you know what I discovered? That I waste an unbelievable amount of time! Where was most of my time wasted? On the phone and on the computer. And in the evenings- in front of the TV with my husband watching a movie (it doesn't matter if it was a wholesome saint-movie- there were still dishes in the sink!).

Then I came across this verse:
In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers and sisters, to keep away from every believer who is idle and disruptive and does not live according to the teaching[a] you received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. We did this, not because we do not have the right to such help, but in order to offer ourselves as a model for you to imitate. For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.”

Whoa. That hit me across the face. I've heard it before, but this time it took on a whole new meaning. The Spirit was definitely working on me in this regard.


I printed the last verse and posted it in my kitchen. This would become my new mantra. This would help me remember to have a spirit of work in my home. The next step was for me to realize that I did not have a desire to home-make. Answer? Pray for the desire! I prayed hard, in front of the Blessed Sacrament, that the Lord would inspire in me a desire to better serve my family, a desire to say "good=bye" to idleness, a desire to put my big girl pants on and do the dirty dishes in the sink BEFORE relaxing. Praise God, he answered my prayer. I am on a mission here!

My house is NOT perfect by any means...please don't get me wrong! But I am putting prayer, my children, and laundry/kitchen above my time at the computer. Amazing what a difference that has made! It is helping me to make the most of each little moment. Yes I do still lay down and put my feet up to relax at some point...rest is important, too. But it is not the end. Jesus rested, yes. But he also set aside his own rest when the people needed him.

This is a very long round-a-bout introduction to the main purpose of this entry. I have found all too often when a mother mentions, for example, not being able to handle the laundry, she is met with responses such as "give yourself a break"..."having young children is a lot." "Don't worry about the laundry. It will get done," and "You deserve to take it easy! Go sit down, put your feet up!" Its as if the attitude from well-meaning fellow Catholics is "don't try to grow too much." This in turn, as I've noticed for myself, translates all too often into a self-absorbed excuse for me not to address my duties, and not to try to come up with a creative way to do something around the house, even if it doesn't all get done.

So I ask: in an effort to "support" one another on our path to holiness, are we encouraging each other in mediocrity rather than virtue?

On a case by case basis, yes, sometimes a mother really does need advice to "take it easy!" (This goes back to what I was saying about our society though, and our deep-seeded attitude that work is nuissance, and rest is golden). I just pulled through a post-partum period of 7 weeks. After giving birth, of course my ability to complete household tasks is greatly reduced (and it should be!). That's when its SO helpful to have a village of Christian friends who rally together to help in any way they can! But it does take a discerning heart, a constantly discerning heart, to know when "enough is enough," and when with a little push one can realistically, perhaps a little at a time, regain ownership over her duties.

I don't know about you, but the friend who responds to my cries with simple concrete ideas, applicable Bible verses to inspire, and genuine encouragement to collaboratively come up with a system that may help in a particular situation- that friend is helping me on my journey to holiness.

The friend who jumps right to "oh its OKAY! Don't worry about all that! This is a phase! Just let the house go! don't have such high expectations of yourself" while they mean well, the devil can easily use this to whisper excuses in my head in that moment when, lets be honest, chances are I could honestly and genuinely push myself, with God's grace, to get a task done in a matter of a couple minutes.

As friends on the same journey toward Heaven, shouldn't we be encouraging one another to grow WHERE ARE AT (one tiny step at a time)? Shouldn't we be inspiring one another in charity?

We must not settle for mediocrity. We can help each other. We can be Simon of Cyrene to each other in the little crosses of our daily life.

A perfect example of this is a transformation going on in my own home presently. My home isn't clutter central compared to some people's...but it has its definite trouble spots. And with 4 young kids, my husband all too often hears me say "WE HAVE TOO MUCH STUFF!!! I FEEL BOGGED DOWN!" And I do feel bogged down. Physically and mentally, but even cluttered spiritually! How can I truly focus on prayer with God when I'm physically surrounded by a mess? How can I truly sit down and read to my kids when there are SO many tasks hanging over my head?

I went to Confession 2 weeks ago(without telling you my sins, lets just say it may have had something to do with an attachment to material things, and a laziness with my time). After completing my assigned penance, I was struck by the words in the Act of Contrition. If I was truly to avoid the near occasions of sin, and if I was firmly resolving to sin no more, than certain changes would HAVE to be put in place in the way I'm living! So I resolved in prayer to make July Decluttering and Organization month!

Not so coincidentally, we were set to have dinner at a friend's house later that day. This friend LOVES to organize. Its like a hobby to her. I had joked with her MONTHS ago that she should come organize my house. Well, it wasn't taken as a joke. That night, out of the blue, she said to me "I was thinking, this week my kids are at Faith camp, if you're free I can come over and give you organization tips and some help." Considering just that morning my resolution before the Lord was to declutter and organize, can I hear an AMEN!

What she has done so far with me has gone above and beyond what was imagined. She came over one day, took a tour of my house, noting my trouble spots, and giving me a few ideas. Then 2 days later, she called me and came over to tackle 1 room with me. We decluttered and organized 1 daughters room. She also lent me the book "Its all too much." 2 days later she came over again in an evening and tacked yet another room with me! She plans to come again later this week and has promised me that she will be with me every step of the way!

Now HERE is a friend who didn't encourage me in mediocrity. She is truly my Simon, helping me one tiny step at a time, to take care of my home, and to build healthy habits that will better serve God and my family!

What probably initiated this transformation (and this blog rant) is that I began to read "Large Family Logistics" just after the birth of my son 2 months ago. This book has inspired me to become better organized with my time. It has also inspired my husband and I to lay out clearer expectations of our children. For example, we found that we had been barking at them every morning "Go get dressed. Did you go potty? Did you brush your teeth?...etc." So we created these charts, laminated them, and called a family meeting.

Voila- morning and evening routines solved. For now anyway:) I'm sure I'll be revamping them sometime. We could say that the transformation I am experiencing is on 2 levels: Organization of space, and organization of my time. (Lord help me!).

I've been absent, again, from blogging for some time, so this is what happens. All the ideas I have for different blog posts all verge together into one GIANT blog post!

Please pray for me on this journey. And please, if you see me, encourage me in growth. Encourage me to take those baby steps. Even if I whine about it. If you love me and want me to get to Heaven, please encourage me to walk when I don't feel like it! If you don't have the words, or don't know how to encourage me, or perhaps I'm really down in the dumps, then instead of feeding my aversion to work, or giving me more excuses to give into idleness (trust me, I come up with enough excuses myself, I don't need more), then stop and pray with me. We are the Body of Christ. And when one member is weak, another has to be strong for them.

Lets help each other on this exciting and adventurous path to Heaven!