I have several posts brewing, but cannot post them until after the weekend;)
In the meantime, I thought I'd share what I'm reading right now:
1) The Life of Mary, as Seen by the Mystics- this is an excellent look into what very well could have been the life of Mary. It is "allowed" by the Catholic Church to believe it, since none of it contradicts what we know to be truth, but it is not required doctrine. Personally, I'm enjoying using it as a springboard for my meditation this last week of Advent, especially the chapters about the Annunciation, Visitation, the Life of Mary and Joseph in Nazareth, the journey to Bethlehem, the Nativity, the adoration of the Magi, etc., etc. Very enlightening, and the verbage and imagery is deepening my relationship with the Blessed Mother.
2) Ina May's Guide to Childbirth- this is an excellent read for any childbearing woman! I very very highly recommend it if you haven't read it. Just sort of look past the author's personal lifestyle (which is somewhat hippie) and see the good and beauty that this very established, respected, and experienced midwife has to pass on to use readers! Her birth statistics are better than any Dr. I could write so much more here, but I'll be brief. She describes the direct relation between fear and pain or stalled labor, and how a laboring woman needs to be free of fear! She presents the truth about what happens in hospitals in an informative way, to allow the reader to come to their own conclusions- and even lays out what one should look for in an OB, should that be what one chooses, or a midwife. The facts she elaborates on are revealing. More people should read this book, and let the facts speak for themselves. This book has been nothing but a confirmation to me of how Satan is out to attack a woman's body in so many ways: 1st through the horrors of contraception, then through the unnecessary interventions that befall so many unknowing women, endangering their lives, the lives of their baby, and putting at risk their future ability to bare children.
3) Hypnobirthing, the Mongan Method- just refreshing my mind and beginning to practice my techniques for my own upcoming birth!
4) Natural Family Planning- the Complete Approach- by John and Sheila Kipley. I am reviewing and re-educating myself as to this beautiful method so that I can provide information and support to a group of women to whom I've been asked to do so. I am also refreshing my memory as to the Billings Method (I have learned and practiced both in my day).
That's about it...for now! I have a stack of doula books awaiting my perusal (yes, I am learning about birth- for fun...its a personal passion. Who knows, maybe the Lord will use it someday, maybe He won't...for now, I'm storing up experiences and learning opportunities. Gotta keep my mind sharp somehow!).
I should mention that pretty much ALL of my reading happens with a flashlight in hand as I sit near my 19 month old and await sleep to overcome her.
Will post a special post Christmas night!:)
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Preparing our home for a Special Guest
I love Advent! True it is a time of penance and sacrifice. For me each year Advent carries with it an opportunity to focus more intently on preparing my soul for Jesus, and I find the spirit and focus of penance and sacrifice that much more fulfilling. As I "clean house," removing the bits of dust and dirt from the corners of my soul, I find that I am also doing the same for our home, which is after all like the soul of the family (the "Domestic Church").
And so, in preparation for a very special guest's arrival on December 25th, we clean, we dust, we organize, and we decorate. In the spirit of Gaudete Sunday (celebrated yesterday) we rejoice at the looming coming of Jesus! For us, decorating our house and tree during advent help build this focus for us. We excitedly prepare our home in a very special way, just as we are busy preparing our souls. For us, Advent is characterized by plenty of prayer and service, but also by periodic occasions of decorating and arranging our home. On the 1st Sunday of Advent, we pull out the house decorations (we call them "Advent decorations"). Around the 3rd week, we purchase, trim, and decorate our Christmas tree, and as Christmas nears, we tidy, organize, wrap, and reflect on the meaning of the coming birthday party.
Tonight we will decorate our tree. We find that "Gaudete" week is a joyous time to practice this tradition. Decorating our tree as a family during Advent, with music and candles surrounding us, builds our excitement all the more for Christmas, and propels us even more intently to make the most of these last 2 weeks of Advent and prepare our souls well! Tonight we will do a special blessing of the tree as well, to draw our focus even more inward and bring the greater purpose of our merriment to the forefront of our minds. For us, it is a good "mid-Advent" re-focusing in a way.
Coincidentally, we will also celebrate the feast of St. Lucy tonight, since my husband will be away tomorrow and this is the first year we choose to celebrate this feast in light of our daughter, named for St. Lucy. We find it particularly significant that we will celebrate St. Lucy, the bearer of Light, on the same night we will light our Christmas tree. Seems more than coincidental! St. Lucy will light up our home tonight, bringing our focus even more intently on preparing our home to be a special resting place for Jesus, significantly related to how we at the same time are preparing our souls, our inner home, to be a resting place for the Lord.
Its as if our decorating and preparing of our actual house is an outward expression of what is going on inwardly. As we clean our home, we clean our souls through Confession and examination of conscience. As we adorn our tree, we adorn our souls with more focused expressions of prayer and added devotions. As we light up our tree, we ask the Lord to inflame our souls with his Light so we may more clearly see our faults and more willingly keep our eyes focused forward on the Light.
Wishing you all a blessed and focused remainder of Advent!
And so, in preparation for a very special guest's arrival on December 25th, we clean, we dust, we organize, and we decorate. In the spirit of Gaudete Sunday (celebrated yesterday) we rejoice at the looming coming of Jesus! For us, decorating our house and tree during advent help build this focus for us. We excitedly prepare our home in a very special way, just as we are busy preparing our souls. For us, Advent is characterized by plenty of prayer and service, but also by periodic occasions of decorating and arranging our home. On the 1st Sunday of Advent, we pull out the house decorations (we call them "Advent decorations"). Around the 3rd week, we purchase, trim, and decorate our Christmas tree, and as Christmas nears, we tidy, organize, wrap, and reflect on the meaning of the coming birthday party.
Tonight we will decorate our tree. We find that "Gaudete" week is a joyous time to practice this tradition. Decorating our tree as a family during Advent, with music and candles surrounding us, builds our excitement all the more for Christmas, and propels us even more intently to make the most of these last 2 weeks of Advent and prepare our souls well! Tonight we will do a special blessing of the tree as well, to draw our focus even more inward and bring the greater purpose of our merriment to the forefront of our minds. For us, it is a good "mid-Advent" re-focusing in a way.
Coincidentally, we will also celebrate the feast of St. Lucy tonight, since my husband will be away tomorrow and this is the first year we choose to celebrate this feast in light of our daughter, named for St. Lucy. We find it particularly significant that we will celebrate St. Lucy, the bearer of Light, on the same night we will light our Christmas tree. Seems more than coincidental! St. Lucy will light up our home tonight, bringing our focus even more intently on preparing our home to be a special resting place for Jesus, significantly related to how we at the same time are preparing our souls, our inner home, to be a resting place for the Lord.
Its as if our decorating and preparing of our actual house is an outward expression of what is going on inwardly. As we clean our home, we clean our souls through Confession and examination of conscience. As we adorn our tree, we adorn our souls with more focused expressions of prayer and added devotions. As we light up our tree, we ask the Lord to inflame our souls with his Light so we may more clearly see our faults and more willingly keep our eyes focused forward on the Light.
Wishing you all a blessed and focused remainder of Advent!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Prepare the Way of the Lord! Advent and Christmas traditions.
As a child, Advent carried with it the excitement of waiting for Christmas (and lets be honest, for presents and for family time). But as an adult, this liturgical season has become my most favorite. Favorite, not because of holly and ivy, or decorations and treats, but favorite because it has become a time during which I really grow spiritually. Having children and desiring to build traditions surrounding the "REAL" purpose of Advent has certainly contributed in large to this sudden spiritual focus for my own soul. The things we have done "for the kids," have actually witnessed and formed us adults all the more!
Every year we try to take it another step further and do a little more. Taking baby steps has helped us not make big plans and then get discouraged when we can't "Do it all."
This year we:
1) Have been consistent with the lighting of our Advent Wreath, every night before dinner. There is a prayer, a lighting of the candles, and a verse of "O Come O Come Emmanuel" (which I assure you I sing horribly off key, but that's not the point). A friend just recommended that I give each of the kids bells to hold during this, and that during the prayer and the song they have to keep the bell very still and silent, and then at the part of the song when we sing "REJOICE! REJOICE!" they can ring the bells like crazy! I love this idea, and will be looking for bells this weekend. On Christmas morning, the kids come downstairs to find that the purple and pink advent candles have turned into white candles...and until Ephiphany, we light those candles each night with a special Christmas prayer and sing a song such as "Angels we have heard on high."
2) Have redoubled our effort for our family rosary as often as possible. The goal is every night, but Matt's not home every night, so sometimes I either do a rosary earlier in the day with the kids (in the car is the perfect opportunity) or we just do a decade together.
3) Each day we use the Magnificat Catholic Advent Calendar. The kids repeat and discuss the Bible verse for the day, and get to open a window.
4) We celebrated the Feast of St Nicholas on Dec 6th, and will celebrate the feast of St Lucy on the 13th (where our daughters will dress is white with red sashes and carry bread and treats to people). Also on the feast of St Lucy we will decorate our Tree (and hope it stays alive until Epiphany!). In addition, we gave special attention and honor to Mary on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (which was yesterday).
5) On Christmas eve, the kids write letters to Baby Jesus (birthday letters), telling Him whatever they wish, but mostly telling him what they "give him" this Christmas. Then at Christmas Mass, the kids leave their letters in the manger at Church, in front of baby Jesus, which is always near the Tabernacle, and they whisper a Happy Birthday prayer to him. We've done this every year since our oldest was 2.
6) At the beginning of Advent, we sat down with the kids and read the Gospel Matthew 25:40, and the passage surrounding that, and discussed what Jesus meant by "Whatever you did for the least of my brothers, you did it to me." The kids then brainstormed ways we can live that this Advent, and we've gradually been crossing items off our list:
* To make cards for family members and friends who are either ill or may feel alone, and to mail it to them (if they live far) or bring it to them (if they live locally).
* To ask the Lord each morning to help us have a mind for kindness and self-giving in dealing and responding to each other.
* To make Christmas cards for the elderly sisters in the Infirmary and bring it to them on Christmas Eve, singing songs for them.
* To visit the Missionaries of Charity (The order that Blessed Teresa of Calcutta founded) and visit the 45 children they work with 3 days a week. (When I called the sisters actually asked us to make Christmas cookies for the children, and so we shall!).
* To make our fancy Christmas dinner as we do each year, but to bring it to someone who needs it more - and then eat something simple ourselves (I'll still make us a birthday cake for Jesus, though!). (this is in the process of planning, and we've been praying for the Lord to reveal to us who to give our meal to. There is a possibility we'll be bringing it to some single pregnant mothers, but we won't know if they will be in town until the week of Christmas
Matt and I were quite amazed at what the children came up with. We merely made minor suggestions, and they took the ideas and FLEW! I think they are all attainable. And all of them have either been accomplished, or scheduled (I figure if I get it on the calendar, I'm more likely to follow through with it!).
I've enjoyed hearing from friends what they either are doing or hope to do, and I have gathered a lot of great ideas for us to add in the future. Next year I hope to add:
1) A Jesse Tree tradition
2) A cradle with a removable baby Jesus, so that we can take Jesus out until Christmas, and during Advent we can each make sacrifices and acts of kindness which we write on a tiny paper and put in the cradle to make a nice fluffy bed for baby Jesus by Christmas.
I'm less concerned about dealing with the secularization of Christmas in our culture. It is what it is...it is the culture we live in (every family throughout time has had their own challenges of the culture of their time). We do not believe in hiding from it, and we do not submit to it, either. We find that when we (as a family) focus enough on the real reason for Advent (preparing our souls) and the real reason for Christmas (rejoicing for Christ), that we don't have to worry so much about our kids being consumed by the secular idea of Christmas (which of course is the pretend Santa in the North Pole and presents).
This is a sensitive issue for many families. My philosophy is "don't mess with people and their traditions!" I pass absolutely NO judgment on good Christian families who celebrate Santa to the max, nor do I pass judgment on families who choose to avoid anything and everything about "Santa." I have seen families who celebrate Santa to the max do so in a spirit of "letting their kids be kids" and those same kids grow up undamaged and faithful. I have also seen families do the opposite, and there is good to that as well! The Lord can use many different ways of drawing us close to him. Its interesting to note (I read recently) that a couple hundred years ago hardly anyone in our country celebrated Christmas. It was only when the invention of the secular Santa Claus came into play that Christmas became an excited holiday season for thousands (who previously didn't pay it much mind). I do not resent this at all. I see the good in it: sometimes secular traditions can pave the way for more people to discover the real reason for the season. After all, God can bring goodness out of anything!
For us, we simply have found through prayer what works for us (at least we think we have), and we live it. We have decided that we don't want to hide from our culture. After all, our kids have to grow up in our culture and know how to relate and respond to it so they can impact it for good. We do talk to them about things they might hear, and that its okay to pretend (kids do love to pretend, and we just make sure they know its okay to pretend as long as we understand its all in anticipation and excitement of Jesus' birth!..we don't get any more specific than just that). We have told them that the Spirit of St. Nicholas is very real and inflames our souls with the spirit of generosity at Christmas, all for the glory of the Christ child. We haven't specifically told them that WE are the ones who leave gifts in the stocking or presents out on Christmas morning, we just haven't made a big deal about it. Sometimes our oldest asks, "So...how exactly DO the gifts get in our stocking?," to which I respond, "hmm..what do you think?" and she says "I don't know" as she happily skips away. So far, our kids, while excited for presents, do wake up Christmas morning legitimately excited that "JESUS IS BORN!" and they rush to the manger to find baby Jesus carefully placed within it.
Oh and we do have a "Magic tree elf." It is truly just a cloth elf doll, similar to the "elf on a shelf" ones you see in stores, which we tuck into the center of the tree, sitting on a branch. On Christmas eve, as we sit around our tree and read the beginning of the Gospel of Luke. Then we stare at the lit tree, reflecting on the glory of the first Christmas. Then (coincidentally, just at bed time), the tree elf will "jump around" in anticipation that Jesus is about to be born. We don't see the elf jump, we just see a branch or two of the tree shake. When the kids see the branches of the Christmas tree begin to shake, that means they have to run to bed b/c Christmas is coming, and Jesus is about to be born! I never see my kids go to bed, and fall asleep, as quickly as they do on Christmas Eve. I wonder how long this will last?:)
Take all that I've shared with a grain of salt- its just what our own family is doing this year. We are always learning, expanding our traditions, and growing in our focus on Christ (at least I pray that we are!)...and we are always open to changing as the needs of our family change. I don't believe that "we have found the true way" or ANYTHING like it. I sincerely love that families, all inherently different, can express their Christmas devotion in various ways!
May you all have a Blessed Advent season. If anyone would like to share their own Advent or Christmas traditions, I would love to read about them!
Every year we try to take it another step further and do a little more. Taking baby steps has helped us not make big plans and then get discouraged when we can't "Do it all."
This year we:
1) Have been consistent with the lighting of our Advent Wreath, every night before dinner. There is a prayer, a lighting of the candles, and a verse of "O Come O Come Emmanuel" (which I assure you I sing horribly off key, but that's not the point). A friend just recommended that I give each of the kids bells to hold during this, and that during the prayer and the song they have to keep the bell very still and silent, and then at the part of the song when we sing "REJOICE! REJOICE!" they can ring the bells like crazy! I love this idea, and will be looking for bells this weekend. On Christmas morning, the kids come downstairs to find that the purple and pink advent candles have turned into white candles...and until Ephiphany, we light those candles each night with a special Christmas prayer and sing a song such as "Angels we have heard on high."
2) Have redoubled our effort for our family rosary as often as possible. The goal is every night, but Matt's not home every night, so sometimes I either do a rosary earlier in the day with the kids (in the car is the perfect opportunity) or we just do a decade together.
3) Each day we use the Magnificat Catholic Advent Calendar. The kids repeat and discuss the Bible verse for the day, and get to open a window.
4) We celebrated the Feast of St Nicholas on Dec 6th, and will celebrate the feast of St Lucy on the 13th (where our daughters will dress is white with red sashes and carry bread and treats to people). Also on the feast of St Lucy we will decorate our Tree (and hope it stays alive until Epiphany!). In addition, we gave special attention and honor to Mary on the Feast of the Immaculate Conception (which was yesterday).
5) On Christmas eve, the kids write letters to Baby Jesus (birthday letters), telling Him whatever they wish, but mostly telling him what they "give him" this Christmas. Then at Christmas Mass, the kids leave their letters in the manger at Church, in front of baby Jesus, which is always near the Tabernacle, and they whisper a Happy Birthday prayer to him. We've done this every year since our oldest was 2.
6) At the beginning of Advent, we sat down with the kids and read the Gospel Matthew 25:40, and the passage surrounding that, and discussed what Jesus meant by "Whatever you did for the least of my brothers, you did it to me." The kids then brainstormed ways we can live that this Advent, and we've gradually been crossing items off our list:
* To make cards for family members and friends who are either ill or may feel alone, and to mail it to them (if they live far) or bring it to them (if they live locally).
* To ask the Lord each morning to help us have a mind for kindness and self-giving in dealing and responding to each other.
* To make Christmas cards for the elderly sisters in the Infirmary and bring it to them on Christmas Eve, singing songs for them.
* To visit the Missionaries of Charity (The order that Blessed Teresa of Calcutta founded) and visit the 45 children they work with 3 days a week. (When I called the sisters actually asked us to make Christmas cookies for the children, and so we shall!).
* To make our fancy Christmas dinner as we do each year, but to bring it to someone who needs it more - and then eat something simple ourselves (I'll still make us a birthday cake for Jesus, though!). (this is in the process of planning, and we've been praying for the Lord to reveal to us who to give our meal to. There is a possibility we'll be bringing it to some single pregnant mothers, but we won't know if they will be in town until the week of Christmas
Matt and I were quite amazed at what the children came up with. We merely made minor suggestions, and they took the ideas and FLEW! I think they are all attainable. And all of them have either been accomplished, or scheduled (I figure if I get it on the calendar, I'm more likely to follow through with it!).
I've enjoyed hearing from friends what they either are doing or hope to do, and I have gathered a lot of great ideas for us to add in the future. Next year I hope to add:
1) A Jesse Tree tradition
2) A cradle with a removable baby Jesus, so that we can take Jesus out until Christmas, and during Advent we can each make sacrifices and acts of kindness which we write on a tiny paper and put in the cradle to make a nice fluffy bed for baby Jesus by Christmas.
I'm less concerned about dealing with the secularization of Christmas in our culture. It is what it is...it is the culture we live in (every family throughout time has had their own challenges of the culture of their time). We do not believe in hiding from it, and we do not submit to it, either. We find that when we (as a family) focus enough on the real reason for Advent (preparing our souls) and the real reason for Christmas (rejoicing for Christ), that we don't have to worry so much about our kids being consumed by the secular idea of Christmas (which of course is the pretend Santa in the North Pole and presents).
This is a sensitive issue for many families. My philosophy is "don't mess with people and their traditions!" I pass absolutely NO judgment on good Christian families who celebrate Santa to the max, nor do I pass judgment on families who choose to avoid anything and everything about "Santa." I have seen families who celebrate Santa to the max do so in a spirit of "letting their kids be kids" and those same kids grow up undamaged and faithful. I have also seen families do the opposite, and there is good to that as well! The Lord can use many different ways of drawing us close to him. Its interesting to note (I read recently) that a couple hundred years ago hardly anyone in our country celebrated Christmas. It was only when the invention of the secular Santa Claus came into play that Christmas became an excited holiday season for thousands (who previously didn't pay it much mind). I do not resent this at all. I see the good in it: sometimes secular traditions can pave the way for more people to discover the real reason for the season. After all, God can bring goodness out of anything!
For us, we simply have found through prayer what works for us (at least we think we have), and we live it. We have decided that we don't want to hide from our culture. After all, our kids have to grow up in our culture and know how to relate and respond to it so they can impact it for good. We do talk to them about things they might hear, and that its okay to pretend (kids do love to pretend, and we just make sure they know its okay to pretend as long as we understand its all in anticipation and excitement of Jesus' birth!..we don't get any more specific than just that). We have told them that the Spirit of St. Nicholas is very real and inflames our souls with the spirit of generosity at Christmas, all for the glory of the Christ child. We haven't specifically told them that WE are the ones who leave gifts in the stocking or presents out on Christmas morning, we just haven't made a big deal about it. Sometimes our oldest asks, "So...how exactly DO the gifts get in our stocking?," to which I respond, "hmm..what do you think?" and she says "I don't know" as she happily skips away. So far, our kids, while excited for presents, do wake up Christmas morning legitimately excited that "JESUS IS BORN!" and they rush to the manger to find baby Jesus carefully placed within it.
Oh and we do have a "Magic tree elf." It is truly just a cloth elf doll, similar to the "elf on a shelf" ones you see in stores, which we tuck into the center of the tree, sitting on a branch. On Christmas eve, as we sit around our tree and read the beginning of the Gospel of Luke. Then we stare at the lit tree, reflecting on the glory of the first Christmas. Then (coincidentally, just at bed time), the tree elf will "jump around" in anticipation that Jesus is about to be born. We don't see the elf jump, we just see a branch or two of the tree shake. When the kids see the branches of the Christmas tree begin to shake, that means they have to run to bed b/c Christmas is coming, and Jesus is about to be born! I never see my kids go to bed, and fall asleep, as quickly as they do on Christmas Eve. I wonder how long this will last?:)
Take all that I've shared with a grain of salt- its just what our own family is doing this year. We are always learning, expanding our traditions, and growing in our focus on Christ (at least I pray that we are!)...and we are always open to changing as the needs of our family change. I don't believe that "we have found the true way" or ANYTHING like it. I sincerely love that families, all inherently different, can express their Christmas devotion in various ways!
May you all have a Blessed Advent season. If anyone would like to share their own Advent or Christmas traditions, I would love to read about them!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
The truth is...
The other day I was graced with a visit from a friend, a fellow mother with young children of her own. During the course of our conversation, this mother revealed to me that she struggles with feelings of insecurity. I listened intently to her speak. As she continued to confess her insecurities, especially around other women, I couldn't help but feel this great sense of admiration and respect for this mother standing before me.
Because, you see, it takes a great deal of courage, self-awareness, and self-confidence to admit when you feel insecure. The truth is: we are all insecure in some way, shape, or form. We just don't all admit it.
I related directly to what this dear friend was saying. And what I admired even more was that she verbally recognized that the solution to her insecurity was to grow in her security of Christ.
After our time of mother-visit was over, I found myself reflecting on my own "insecurities," and how they have changed over the years. And I found myself meditating on how the closer Christ calls me to Himself, and the more I give myself to Him, the more secure I have become...relying less on exterior validations for my worth, and putting less weight on what people think of me, and more weight on how well I live the Kingdom (that is to say, how well I live Christ to others). In looking back on my life, I discovered an interesting, albeit not surprising, correlation: the times in my life that I've actively sought a deeper relationship with the Lord are directly correlated to the times in my life when I've been able to carry out my mission and my vocation in the world with greater confidence!
Gradually, over time, the Lord is chipping away (okay, chizeling away) at my insecurities and teaching me that to live closer to Him and to follow Him is the only place to find fulfillment. Don't get me wrong, I am so very far from perfect, and I fall...often...flat on my face. But it was fruitful for me to spend some time reflecting on this correlation. Jesus, I beg of you to continue to teach this to me. How often I forget it!
Each year I have the grace of attending a Spiritual Exercises retreat (yes, it is silent- those that know me, can you imagine me silent for 4 days?). The last night of the retreat, there is a Holy Hour (where the Jesus Christ Truly Present in the Holy Eucharist is then left exposed overnight for all to adore). During this Holy Hour, all retreatants pray this prayer a loud:
The Litany of Humility
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930),
Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X
It is always a powerful experience. How difficult many of those lines are to say! But perhaps...just perhaps...it is in response to this prayer that the Lord has given me many opportunities to overcome my vanity, henceforth gradually molding me (ever so gradually, because I am SLOW!) to Him. Like stone. Christ is truly the ultimate security. He does not promise a life free of trial or an easy road. Rather, he promises crosses, hardships, sacrifices, and potentially martyrdom. This is the security we Christians, by our Baptism, are destined (and responsible) to actively seek. How different this is from a worldly definition of security, that conveys a message of fame, fortune, and popularity.
Somebody recently commented to me how good I am at organizing things. This same person went on to say how confident and outgoing I am. Oh if they only knew me, imperfect me, at my root, they would know that these good qualities are not I, but Christ who lives in me. I try to explain that, but this person did not believe that I ever could have been any different. I tell you I was...and I am. But over time, the more I willingly give myself to Christ, the more He changes me. I know that I have learned to accomplish tasks set before me only because I have learned (and am constantly learning) to be rooted in Christ first, and to seek not my own approval, but to more effectively serve all souls I meet, especially those under my own roof. No apostolate (including that of serving my family) can ever be fruitful if it is not fueled by the power of prayer and sacrifice! I've also learned that the hard way. Sometimes I still forget it. Also, it is good to remember that my definition of an apostolic work being fruitful may not be the Lord's definition of it. All I can do is offer Him my best efforts, and He can turn them into gold as He sees fit.
I am grateful to this mother for her witness of humility and of courage (for it takes great courage to be humble!) in recognizing her weakness without the Lord. This woman figured out in no time what has taken me years to even begin to understand.
Because, you see, it takes a great deal of courage, self-awareness, and self-confidence to admit when you feel insecure. The truth is: we are all insecure in some way, shape, or form. We just don't all admit it.
I related directly to what this dear friend was saying. And what I admired even more was that she verbally recognized that the solution to her insecurity was to grow in her security of Christ.
After our time of mother-visit was over, I found myself reflecting on my own "insecurities," and how they have changed over the years. And I found myself meditating on how the closer Christ calls me to Himself, and the more I give myself to Him, the more secure I have become...relying less on exterior validations for my worth, and putting less weight on what people think of me, and more weight on how well I live the Kingdom (that is to say, how well I live Christ to others). In looking back on my life, I discovered an interesting, albeit not surprising, correlation: the times in my life that I've actively sought a deeper relationship with the Lord are directly correlated to the times in my life when I've been able to carry out my mission and my vocation in the world with greater confidence!
Gradually, over time, the Lord is chipping away (okay, chizeling away) at my insecurities and teaching me that to live closer to Him and to follow Him is the only place to find fulfillment. Don't get me wrong, I am so very far from perfect, and I fall...often...flat on my face. But it was fruitful for me to spend some time reflecting on this correlation. Jesus, I beg of you to continue to teach this to me. How often I forget it!
Each year I have the grace of attending a Spiritual Exercises retreat (yes, it is silent- those that know me, can you imagine me silent for 4 days?). The last night of the retreat, there is a Holy Hour (where the Jesus Christ Truly Present in the Holy Eucharist is then left exposed overnight for all to adore). During this Holy Hour, all retreatants pray this prayer a loud:
The Litany of Humility
O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930),
Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X
It is always a powerful experience. How difficult many of those lines are to say! But perhaps...just perhaps...it is in response to this prayer that the Lord has given me many opportunities to overcome my vanity, henceforth gradually molding me (ever so gradually, because I am SLOW!) to Him. Like stone. Christ is truly the ultimate security. He does not promise a life free of trial or an easy road. Rather, he promises crosses, hardships, sacrifices, and potentially martyrdom. This is the security we Christians, by our Baptism, are destined (and responsible) to actively seek. How different this is from a worldly definition of security, that conveys a message of fame, fortune, and popularity.
Somebody recently commented to me how good I am at organizing things. This same person went on to say how confident and outgoing I am. Oh if they only knew me, imperfect me, at my root, they would know that these good qualities are not I, but Christ who lives in me. I try to explain that, but this person did not believe that I ever could have been any different. I tell you I was...and I am. But over time, the more I willingly give myself to Christ, the more He changes me. I know that I have learned to accomplish tasks set before me only because I have learned (and am constantly learning) to be rooted in Christ first, and to seek not my own approval, but to more effectively serve all souls I meet, especially those under my own roof. No apostolate (including that of serving my family) can ever be fruitful if it is not fueled by the power of prayer and sacrifice! I've also learned that the hard way. Sometimes I still forget it. Also, it is good to remember that my definition of an apostolic work being fruitful may not be the Lord's definition of it. All I can do is offer Him my best efforts, and He can turn them into gold as He sees fit.
I am grateful to this mother for her witness of humility and of courage (for it takes great courage to be humble!) in recognizing her weakness without the Lord. This woman figured out in no time what has taken me years to even begin to understand.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)