Big Hairy Audacious Goals- UPDATED

I came across this article this morning (it was originally published in 2001).

What a beautiful reminder. All too often I become overly practical when it comes to my children's ideas and they can never develop. Yet, the few times when I have made that extra effort to force a "yes!" to their ideas, what ensues is an adventure loaded and packed with learning opportunities that the kids eagerly soak up!

This leads right into the post I've been mentally writing for days now: My curriculum choice for this year.

Its amazing how many people (especially, but not limited to, strangers) have the prerogative to ask such personal questions upon hearing that we home school. "What curriculum do you use," they inevitably and immediately ask. Really, its none of their business, and yet I have struggled to come up with a clever enough answer. (Let me be specific here that I am NOT referring to innocent questions from people who are genuinely interested in what we do. I AM referring to people using this question as a sort of litmus test to put us in a box and categorize us a certain way, and perhaps, sadly, even judge us based on it). Whatever I say, it doesn’t satisfy them. I think what they WANT to hear is “oh we do _____ method and order _____ curriculum in a box, and we have mandatory school hours from 8:30-12 every day.” If I say anything different, the skeptical darts shoot forth from their eyes. The real true answer? “Life is our curriculum and we love learning in everything we do!” Hmmm…ya, that sounds pretty hippy I suppose. But we’re not hippies. We are faithful Catholics seeking to grow FIRST in love and service of God and then neighbor. We are a family, tight-knit and deeply bonded. We don’t subscribe to any pre-prescribed program with bells, whistles, and gimmics, that promises without fail that if you do it right (if you follow the rules of the teacher manual), then your child will be spit out at the end of the conveyer belt like any other product. No. Sorry. There is no pre-prescribed recipe for success since every child and every family is uniquely different. There is a proper use of boxed curriculum…but only as a means, never as an end…and only to support the natural learning of the child, never to force the child to fit into it.

Yet, I am human, and here I am, with 3 kids ages 5 and under, freaking out about what my answer will be when people ask me “what curriculum do you use?” Last weekend I sat down with my husband, lap top before us, carefully going over, comparing, and contrasting various methods of teaching reading, and deciding which we should order. We were convinced this was the answer to help us feel like we were successful homeschooling parents. We felt comfortable with the end decision, yet not completely satisfied.

Then, it happened. The event that blew me back on course (the course of natural learning that I embarked on early on). We were at the swimming pool and I was with our oldest in the pool. Last summer she had swimming lessons and made great progress. This year, however, when we try to get her to do the same exercises, she clams up. She’s afraid. On Monday, I cracked. I pushed her. I corrected her. I became frustrated that she wasn’t even trying (from my interpretation…little did I know she WAS trying, at the level SHE was at THAT particular day). All I could hear was the voices in the back of my head from other parents bragging about how their children could swim at age 3 or 4, and by 5 are on the swim team. What resulted was a timid 5 year old, curled in the corner of the pool, tears in her eyes, feeling like a complete failure, and afraid to even try AT ALL (why bother, she was failing anyway?). I took a step back. I had one of those out-of-body experiences where I saw and heard myself as she was seeing and hearing me. Did I really just say all that? Later in the day, and continuing into the next, I observed how she really did close up to me. It wasn’t intentional, she just subconsciously, felt insecure and afraid to take initiative. What happened to my endeavor to “respect where my kids are at” in EVERYTHING (swimming, reading, emotional ability, behavior, etc.)? I blew it. I let my high expectations get the best of me. And worse, I listened to other people's voices and expectations more than I listened to my own child.

I really had to dig deep after that and re-examine my intentions with beginning formal pre-prescribed “School” this year. This event reminded me of the mom I want, and feel called, to be. Patient, kind, respectful, gentle, NOT authoritarian, delighting in my kids and respecting the ebbs and flows of their initiative for learning (because learning is like growing, it happens in spurts).

Yesterday I read this, and was reminded that simpler really is better. I KNOW that. Sometimes I just get too caught up in wanting to please everyone around me (darn that vanity!).

Programs aren’t “bad.” Boxed curriculums aren’t “bad.” What is bad is feeling pressured to meet the system, instead of meeting my child. If we truly want to help our children to grow, learn, and blossom into the adults (saints) God is calling them to be, then we should be willing to come to their level, wherever they are, like God does to us, to raise them up little by little, with encouragement and support. Validate their fears, give them tools to face them, don’t make them feel stupid for feeling afraid. That will only have the opposite effect (as evidenced by my pool experience Monday).

And so, another long talk with my husband later (he had been coming to similar conclusions in his own prayer), we both decided that the curriculum we will use this year…is…a big dose of chill.

Ah, a load has been lifted. Now back to delighting in the learning of our every day life. In case you’re wondering, that is pretty easy. I don’t spend time planning learning goals(because if I set my expectations, it isn’t accepted as readily, and becomes forced learning). But I do plan opportunities, and try to be constantly aware of opportunities that arise. We pray together (and are always identifying virtues in real life that we see), read…A LOT (and the kids spend a lot of time in their beds just looking through books, studying the words, observing the curious and mysterious code before them), watch the occasional documentary (which inevitably leads to interest in something new to get from the library- last night we watched “Hubble IMAX” and now the kid want to learn about the planets and space), we cook together (the kids measure, and are henceforth learning fractions and division), we play (puppet shows, free-play, dolls, ballet dancing, dress up, role-playing), we use play dough (coordination, manual manipulation development), we clean (responsibility, order, categorizing), we create (art, sculptures, paper, glue, markers), we garden (science, soil, agriculture, the water cycle), we visit friends (social interaction, practice sharing, mommy gets adult time), we go on nature walks (collecting interesting things, viewing with magnifying glasses), we seek opportunities to serve others (bring meals to other families in need, even when we don't have the money to feed ourselves that week), our oldest is learning the violin, and is teaching it to her 3 year old sister (music, posture, reading notes, rhythm, meter), we have a lot of “down” time where we pursue our own duties or interests (necessary to mommy’s sanity), we learn about the saints and have feast-day tea parties, we…live. And we will continue to live. I might throw in a computer game to help the 5 and ½ year old learn the phonogram sounds in a fun and non-forced way…but we’ll see. Only as a tool to support her and her initiative to figure out how to read. We can’t teach babies to walk. We can’t teach children to read. We can give them tools to help them figure it out.

There is plenty of time for her to learn how to read, write, excel at arithmatic...but not now. Now is the time of childhood. Now is the time for living life so when she learns the dry rules she has a real living context to attach it to.

I know every family is different, and they should be. That is the amazing thing about God's creation and the family unit. Every soul is unique, every person deeply and inherently created for the same thing, but with different talents, usefulness, and abilities (many parts, one body, as St. Paul tells us). I respect what others are choosing to do in their own home schools. And I don't expect, nor do I want, everyone to agree with what I'm doing (that would contradict the beauty of God's creating everyone unique)...but I boldly step forward on the special and individual vocation of serving my very unique family.

And the lack of confidence I've been feeling? I know that comes from not praying as much as I should about these things. If I was truly rooted in the Lord, there would be nothing but peace. Yesterday, I took all of these concerns and struggles about school decisions to prayer, begging Our Lady to guide my husband and I to raise our children so that they will increase in love of the Lord and grow to serve Him. And then it came...peace. "Come to me all you who are labored and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:29- from last Sunday's Gospel). With His big loving arms he drew me close, reassured me of my convictions, and focused me again on His will for us. He's the one who put gentle schooling in my path. He's the one that brings me back to it time and time again. We feel truly at peace with this. We are not closed to different methods of schooling, but we are renewed in our efforts and confidence to do what we discern is best for our family...and proceed in faith. And, of course, detach with love from other people's skeptical opinions and comments.

To wrap up, my B-HAG for today is to discover what my children's B-HAGs are. This should be interesting...I can't wait! Let the adventure continue!