Happy 30th Birthday to my wonderful husband! I love you, baby! I am praising the Lord today for your wonderful life, you are a gift, a treasure, a prize!
Will post pictures of this momentous event soon.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
The Glad Game
Once upon a time there was a little girl named Pollyanna, who was intent on finding the "glad side" to every misfortune or situation she encountered. The whole town had previously been consumed by their negativity and lost in their melancholy, but Pollyanna played "the Glad Game" with such innocence that she melted the hearts of everyone and changed their lives forever.
Once upon a time there was a little girl whose mother read to her the story of Pollyanna. They read at bedtimes, they read at daybreak. Once upon a time, this mother and daughter took a trip to Kansas together for a beautiful wedding of said-girl's godmother.
They read "Pollyanna" at the airport and on the plane. On their return journey together, they missed their connecting flight and found themselves stuck in Minnesota without another direct flight home. At once, mom, feeling overwhelmed from traveling with a 1 year old and 5 year old, tired from dragging 2 kids, a suitcase, a car seat, and a stroller through the large airport, and anxious to get home to her husband and other daughter, began to cry. Surrendering to the fact that instead of just one more flight, they now would have TWO more flights that day, and would have to wait around for 5 hours for the first one, the mother and daughter found a restaurant to sit in. The mother gained control of herself, straightened her posture, and told her daughter that despite her initial sadness, she was glad to get to have a leisurely lunch with her. The girls eyes lit up, a light bulb went on, and she responded, "There is always something to be glad about, Mom!"
The energy at the table changed instantly. Mother and daughter together began to list the many positive things about their situation. The girl was giddy that she was "being like Pollyanna."
True that it was not ideal, and true they missed home and sister and daddy, but:
1) if they hadn't missed their flight, they wouldn't have been able to enjoy lunch (in fact, they wouldn't have been able to eat lunch at all)
2) because they missed their flight, they could have fun browsing the kiosks and trying on funny hats
3) because their missed their flight, they could allow the baby a chance for a nap
4) because they missed their flight, they could finish reading "Pollyanna" together, and then play with sticker books.
5) because they missed their flight, they could play at the airport playground
6) because they missed their flight, they met a novice sister with SOLT, heard her story, and are now able to pray for her by name.
7) because they missed their flight, they both got a foot-massage
8) and even though they, sadly, they would miss Mass that day (a Sunday at that), they could have peace that their Heavenly Father knew their hearts desires and would be satisfied with offering prayers together and making a spiritual communion.
A very depressing situation turned into one the best days this mother and daughter had ever spent together.
Thank you, Pollyanna.
Amazing: the power of positive thinking. It can truly transform a day, a moment, a person, it can transform relationships- with others, and with God. The mom in this story will be forever grateful to the Lord for that missed flight. In fact, she will praise the Lord for all the "missed flights" in her life;" that is, the moments and situations that initially make her sad, but if she looks (sometimes very hard), she can see the good that He has planned. And even if she doesn't see it, she can know its there, for He IS Goodness.
Once upon a time there was a little girl whose mother read to her the story of Pollyanna. They read at bedtimes, they read at daybreak. Once upon a time, this mother and daughter took a trip to Kansas together for a beautiful wedding of said-girl's godmother.
They read "Pollyanna" at the airport and on the plane. On their return journey together, they missed their connecting flight and found themselves stuck in Minnesota without another direct flight home. At once, mom, feeling overwhelmed from traveling with a 1 year old and 5 year old, tired from dragging 2 kids, a suitcase, a car seat, and a stroller through the large airport, and anxious to get home to her husband and other daughter, began to cry. Surrendering to the fact that instead of just one more flight, they now would have TWO more flights that day, and would have to wait around for 5 hours for the first one, the mother and daughter found a restaurant to sit in. The mother gained control of herself, straightened her posture, and told her daughter that despite her initial sadness, she was glad to get to have a leisurely lunch with her. The girls eyes lit up, a light bulb went on, and she responded, "There is always something to be glad about, Mom!"
The energy at the table changed instantly. Mother and daughter together began to list the many positive things about their situation. The girl was giddy that she was "being like Pollyanna."
True that it was not ideal, and true they missed home and sister and daddy, but:
1) if they hadn't missed their flight, they wouldn't have been able to enjoy lunch (in fact, they wouldn't have been able to eat lunch at all)
2) because they missed their flight, they could have fun browsing the kiosks and trying on funny hats
3) because their missed their flight, they could allow the baby a chance for a nap
4) because they missed their flight, they could finish reading "Pollyanna" together, and then play with sticker books.
5) because they missed their flight, they could play at the airport playground
6) because they missed their flight, they met a novice sister with SOLT, heard her story, and are now able to pray for her by name.
7) because they missed their flight, they both got a foot-massage
8) and even though they, sadly, they would miss Mass that day (a Sunday at that), they could have peace that their Heavenly Father knew their hearts desires and would be satisfied with offering prayers together and making a spiritual communion.
A very depressing situation turned into one the best days this mother and daughter had ever spent together.
Thank you, Pollyanna.
Amazing: the power of positive thinking. It can truly transform a day, a moment, a person, it can transform relationships- with others, and with God. The mom in this story will be forever grateful to the Lord for that missed flight. In fact, she will praise the Lord for all the "missed flights" in her life;" that is, the moments and situations that initially make her sad, but if she looks (sometimes very hard), she can see the good that He has planned. And even if she doesn't see it, she can know its there, for He IS Goodness.
What to do when....
What do you do when your family is feeling out of whack from travels, and the kids are clinging to you like cellophane, hanging from every limb, yet there is a very expensive grass-fed beef roast that has been thawing in your fridge for days and you really MUST cook it now?
Solution:
First, call the troops together for a family meeting, ask what needs to be done to set up a fancy surprise dinner for daddy (for when he arrives home from work). Let the ideas flow! (some ideas may include, but are not limited to, sweeping the floor, washing the windows, wiping the table, choosing a fancy table cloth, and lighting candles). Enthusiastically ask each child which of those things they are going to do (who doesn't love to put together a surprise for Daddy? Also, what 3 year old would turn down the opportunity to wash with cleaner all by herself?). Then put in your hands for a "Team last name" cheer, and off you go! Mom turns some Louis Prima music on and the work begins with a silly dance. Then...
One washes the table.
Another washes the dishes.
Even the baby gets in the spirit! (she really did grab the broom and begin to sweep on her own)
Mom is now free to prepare the roast and pop it in the oven.
Don't forget the wine for mom! This is really a must.
Voila- fancy feast, no fuss. Cheers! (on a side note, we did originally have a fancy table cloth set, but the baby kept pulling it down. She won.)
Solution:
First, call the troops together for a family meeting, ask what needs to be done to set up a fancy surprise dinner for daddy (for when he arrives home from work). Let the ideas flow! (some ideas may include, but are not limited to, sweeping the floor, washing the windows, wiping the table, choosing a fancy table cloth, and lighting candles). Enthusiastically ask each child which of those things they are going to do (who doesn't love to put together a surprise for Daddy? Also, what 3 year old would turn down the opportunity to wash with cleaner all by herself?). Then put in your hands for a "Team last name" cheer, and off you go! Mom turns some Louis Prima music on and the work begins with a silly dance. Then...
One washes the table.
Another washes the dishes.
Even the baby gets in the spirit! (she really did grab the broom and begin to sweep on her own)
Mom is now free to prepare the roast and pop it in the oven.
Don't forget the wine for mom! This is really a must.
Voila- fancy feast, no fuss. Cheers! (on a side note, we did originally have a fancy table cloth set, but the baby kept pulling it down. She won.)
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Battling Nature Deficit Disorder
We just returned from a lovely weekend at the beach. What a joy and a blessing it was to get away with the love of my life and our 3 little treasures! Our baby, now 13 months old, dove flat on her face into the sand IMMEDIATELY, made sand angels, and then crawled for the ocean...as if she was saying, "Horray, I'm home! Here I come!" It was hilarious.
We had an all around wonderful time, feeling the sand between our toes and laughing in the salt air and summer sun. Matt and I especially enjoyed watching our children delight in all of God's creation that surrounded them. Our daughters collected interesting shells, observed bird behavior, and the patterns in the sand left by the waves.
The best time to go was around 8 in the morning. The beaches were empty and there was much wildlife and nature to enjoy, untouched and unaffected by the tourist beach-goers that would soon cover the sandy shoreline. As the tide went out, our oldest delighted in scooping up different varieties of crabs from the edge of the water! They were interesting to say the least. Her interest in them was pure, deep, and inspiring. She collected about 10 of them for further observation, laid them carefully on the sand with her variety of interesting colored shells, and proceeded to discover as much as her little hands would allow her to. She had so many questions, and not enough answers.
When it was time for us to gather our belongings to head to the road, she decided to try to find another kid to give her collection to, so that they, too, might enjoy them as much as she did. She looked all over (the beach was still mostly empty, but there were a few families arriving). She ran up to one little girl, proudly held forward her bucket of crabs and said "I have to go, would you like to see these? They won't hurt you, they are dead." The little girl took one very brief peak into the bucket, said an affirmative (and somewhat rude) "NO!" and ran away. I, as the parent, was crushed- my feelings were hurt FOR her, but she shrugged it off, and went in search of another child. She found 2 sisters playing in the waves a short distance off and ran over to them. The mother with them thought her collection was "gross" and turned away. The 2 daughters took a moment of interest in them, and then said they would accept the gift, which satisfied my daughter enough and she turned to leave. But it was obvious those 2 girls were not nearly as interested in the crabs as we were. That's alright, DD didn't seem to mind. In fact, as we were walking back to our belongings, she proudly commented, "I'm so glad I was able to give so many crabs, instead of just one, to those kids. They are going to have so much fun with them!" Little did she know, they had already tossed them aside. Oh well, c'est la vie.
It did, though, remind me of an article I had read a couple of years ago in Faith and Family magazine that addressed Nature Deficit Disorder. Kids of this generation don't encounter nature nearly as much as we did when we were kids. They might play on a swing set now and then, or go to the swimming pool...but rarely are they given the chance to encounter, and I mean really encounter, nature. They encounter nature when they can stop to feel it, ponder it, perhaps experience it in action.
I've certainly had the times when I've had to hurry my kids along, and stop them from observing something that happens to just be bad timing with what I'm doing. Reading that article, though, a couple years ago set me out on a personal mission. I decided to make an effort to not brush their seemingly small interests in nature aside (it only takes about 10 seconds to stop and ponder it with them and say, "hmm...that is interesting."). On a larger scale, we try to build more "outside" time into our days, and each week to do something a long the lines of a "nature walk." We take our baggies, magnifying glasses, and field guides and go out the door, in our neighborhood, or to a local park. Its always a great bonding time for us all. Something I am personally working on is getting out the door even when the weather is less than favorable, so the kids can truly experience the cold, the rain, the sun, the muggy clouds...nature and how it changes with with weather.
All in all, the primary goal is to truly encounter God's creation. Touch it, smell it, get dirty in it, and even create with it (we will make a nature sculpture with plaster of paris and the colorful shells we found).
We had a wonderful encounter with nature this weekend, regardless of the fate of our crab collection. As it turns out, it led to a mini Theology lesson. We find it no small coincidence that after a hands-on weekend with nature, our children were (of their own accord) pondering the amazing existence of God. We were swarmed with innocent questions such as, "If God created the world, then who created God?" and "How can it be that He has no beginning and no end?"
We had an all around wonderful time, feeling the sand between our toes and laughing in the salt air and summer sun. Matt and I especially enjoyed watching our children delight in all of God's creation that surrounded them. Our daughters collected interesting shells, observed bird behavior, and the patterns in the sand left by the waves.
The best time to go was around 8 in the morning. The beaches were empty and there was much wildlife and nature to enjoy, untouched and unaffected by the tourist beach-goers that would soon cover the sandy shoreline. As the tide went out, our oldest delighted in scooping up different varieties of crabs from the edge of the water! They were interesting to say the least. Her interest in them was pure, deep, and inspiring. She collected about 10 of them for further observation, laid them carefully on the sand with her variety of interesting colored shells, and proceeded to discover as much as her little hands would allow her to. She had so many questions, and not enough answers.
When it was time for us to gather our belongings to head to the road, she decided to try to find another kid to give her collection to, so that they, too, might enjoy them as much as she did. She looked all over (the beach was still mostly empty, but there were a few families arriving). She ran up to one little girl, proudly held forward her bucket of crabs and said "I have to go, would you like to see these? They won't hurt you, they are dead." The little girl took one very brief peak into the bucket, said an affirmative (and somewhat rude) "NO!" and ran away. I, as the parent, was crushed- my feelings were hurt FOR her, but she shrugged it off, and went in search of another child. She found 2 sisters playing in the waves a short distance off and ran over to them. The mother with them thought her collection was "gross" and turned away. The 2 daughters took a moment of interest in them, and then said they would accept the gift, which satisfied my daughter enough and she turned to leave. But it was obvious those 2 girls were not nearly as interested in the crabs as we were. That's alright, DD didn't seem to mind. In fact, as we were walking back to our belongings, she proudly commented, "I'm so glad I was able to give so many crabs, instead of just one, to those kids. They are going to have so much fun with them!" Little did she know, they had already tossed them aside. Oh well, c'est la vie.
It did, though, remind me of an article I had read a couple of years ago in Faith and Family magazine that addressed Nature Deficit Disorder. Kids of this generation don't encounter nature nearly as much as we did when we were kids. They might play on a swing set now and then, or go to the swimming pool...but rarely are they given the chance to encounter, and I mean really encounter, nature. They encounter nature when they can stop to feel it, ponder it, perhaps experience it in action.
I've certainly had the times when I've had to hurry my kids along, and stop them from observing something that happens to just be bad timing with what I'm doing. Reading that article, though, a couple years ago set me out on a personal mission. I decided to make an effort to not brush their seemingly small interests in nature aside (it only takes about 10 seconds to stop and ponder it with them and say, "hmm...that is interesting."). On a larger scale, we try to build more "outside" time into our days, and each week to do something a long the lines of a "nature walk." We take our baggies, magnifying glasses, and field guides and go out the door, in our neighborhood, or to a local park. Its always a great bonding time for us all. Something I am personally working on is getting out the door even when the weather is less than favorable, so the kids can truly experience the cold, the rain, the sun, the muggy clouds...nature and how it changes with with weather.
All in all, the primary goal is to truly encounter God's creation. Touch it, smell it, get dirty in it, and even create with it (we will make a nature sculpture with plaster of paris and the colorful shells we found).
We had a wonderful encounter with nature this weekend, regardless of the fate of our crab collection. As it turns out, it led to a mini Theology lesson. We find it no small coincidence that after a hands-on weekend with nature, our children were (of their own accord) pondering the amazing existence of God. We were swarmed with innocent questions such as, "If God created the world, then who created God?" and "How can it be that He has no beginning and no end?"
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Big Hairy Audacious Goals- UPDATED
I came across this article this morning (it was originally published in 2001).
What a beautiful reminder. All too often I become overly practical when it comes to my children's ideas and they can never develop. Yet, the few times when I have made that extra effort to force a "yes!" to their ideas, what ensues is an adventure loaded and packed with learning opportunities that the kids eagerly soak up!
This leads right into the post I've been mentally writing for days now: My curriculum choice for this year.
Its amazing how many people (especially, but not limited to, strangers) have the prerogative to ask such personal questions upon hearing that we home school. "What curriculum do you use," they inevitably and immediately ask. Really, its none of their business, and yet I have struggled to come up with a clever enough answer. (Let me be specific here that I am NOT referring to innocent questions from people who are genuinely interested in what we do. I AM referring to people using this question as a sort of litmus test to put us in a box and categorize us a certain way, and perhaps, sadly, even judge us based on it). Whatever I say, it doesn’t satisfy them. I think what they WANT to hear is “oh we do _____ method and order _____ curriculum in a box, and we have mandatory school hours from 8:30-12 every day.” If I say anything different, the skeptical darts shoot forth from their eyes. The real true answer? “Life is our curriculum and we love learning in everything we do!” Hmmm…ya, that sounds pretty hippy I suppose. But we’re not hippies. We are faithful Catholics seeking to grow FIRST in love and service of God and then neighbor. We are a family, tight-knit and deeply bonded. We don’t subscribe to any pre-prescribed program with bells, whistles, and gimmics, that promises without fail that if you do it right (if you follow the rules of the teacher manual), then your child will be spit out at the end of the conveyer belt like any other product. No. Sorry. There is no pre-prescribed recipe for success since every child and every family is uniquely different. There is a proper use of boxed curriculum…but only as a means, never as an end…and only to support the natural learning of the child, never to force the child to fit into it.
Yet, I am human, and here I am, with 3 kids ages 5 and under, freaking out about what my answer will be when people ask me “what curriculum do you use?” Last weekend I sat down with my husband, lap top before us, carefully going over, comparing, and contrasting various methods of teaching reading, and deciding which we should order. We were convinced this was the answer to help us feel like we were successful homeschooling parents. We felt comfortable with the end decision, yet not completely satisfied.
Then, it happened. The event that blew me back on course (the course of natural learning that I embarked on early on). We were at the swimming pool and I was with our oldest in the pool. Last summer she had swimming lessons and made great progress. This year, however, when we try to get her to do the same exercises, she clams up. She’s afraid. On Monday, I cracked. I pushed her. I corrected her. I became frustrated that she wasn’t even trying (from my interpretation…little did I know she WAS trying, at the level SHE was at THAT particular day). All I could hear was the voices in the back of my head from other parents bragging about how their children could swim at age 3 or 4, and by 5 are on the swim team. What resulted was a timid 5 year old, curled in the corner of the pool, tears in her eyes, feeling like a complete failure, and afraid to even try AT ALL (why bother, she was failing anyway?). I took a step back. I had one of those out-of-body experiences where I saw and heard myself as she was seeing and hearing me. Did I really just say all that? Later in the day, and continuing into the next, I observed how she really did close up to me. It wasn’t intentional, she just subconsciously, felt insecure and afraid to take initiative. What happened to my endeavor to “respect where my kids are at” in EVERYTHING (swimming, reading, emotional ability, behavior, etc.)? I blew it. I let my high expectations get the best of me. And worse, I listened to other people's voices and expectations more than I listened to my own child.
I really had to dig deep after that and re-examine my intentions with beginning formal pre-prescribed “School” this year. This event reminded me of the mom I want, and feel called, to be. Patient, kind, respectful, gentle, NOT authoritarian, delighting in my kids and respecting the ebbs and flows of their initiative for learning (because learning is like growing, it happens in spurts).
Yesterday I read this, and was reminded that simpler really is better. I KNOW that. Sometimes I just get too caught up in wanting to please everyone around me (darn that vanity!).
Programs aren’t “bad.” Boxed curriculums aren’t “bad.” What is bad is feeling pressured to meet the system, instead of meeting my child. If we truly want to help our children to grow, learn, and blossom into the adults (saints) God is calling them to be, then we should be willing to come to their level, wherever they are, like God does to us, to raise them up little by little, with encouragement and support. Validate their fears, give them tools to face them, don’t make them feel stupid for feeling afraid. That will only have the opposite effect (as evidenced by my pool experience Monday).
And so, another long talk with my husband later (he had been coming to similar conclusions in his own prayer), we both decided that the curriculum we will use this year…is…a big dose of chill.
Ah, a load has been lifted. Now back to delighting in the learning of our every day life. In case you’re wondering, that is pretty easy. I don’t spend time planning learning goals(because if I set my expectations, it isn’t accepted as readily, and becomes forced learning). But I do plan opportunities, and try to be constantly aware of opportunities that arise. We pray together (and are always identifying virtues in real life that we see), read…A LOT (and the kids spend a lot of time in their beds just looking through books, studying the words, observing the curious and mysterious code before them), watch the occasional documentary (which inevitably leads to interest in something new to get from the library- last night we watched “Hubble IMAX” and now the kid want to learn about the planets and space), we cook together (the kids measure, and are henceforth learning fractions and division), we play (puppet shows, free-play, dolls, ballet dancing, dress up, role-playing), we use play dough (coordination, manual manipulation development), we clean (responsibility, order, categorizing), we create (art, sculptures, paper, glue, markers), we garden (science, soil, agriculture, the water cycle), we visit friends (social interaction, practice sharing, mommy gets adult time), we go on nature walks (collecting interesting things, viewing with magnifying glasses), we seek opportunities to serve others (bring meals to other families in need, even when we don't have the money to feed ourselves that week), our oldest is learning the violin, and is teaching it to her 3 year old sister (music, posture, reading notes, rhythm, meter), we have a lot of “down” time where we pursue our own duties or interests (necessary to mommy’s sanity), we learn about the saints and have feast-day tea parties, we…live. And we will continue to live. I might throw in a computer game to help the 5 and ½ year old learn the phonogram sounds in a fun and non-forced way…but we’ll see. Only as a tool to support her and her initiative to figure out how to read. We can’t teach babies to walk. We can’t teach children to read. We can give them tools to help them figure it out.
There is plenty of time for her to learn how to read, write, excel at arithmatic...but not now. Now is the time of childhood. Now is the time for living life so when she learns the dry rules she has a real living context to attach it to.
I know every family is different, and they should be. That is the amazing thing about God's creation and the family unit. Every soul is unique, every person deeply and inherently created for the same thing, but with different talents, usefulness, and abilities (many parts, one body, as St. Paul tells us). I respect what others are choosing to do in their own home schools. And I don't expect, nor do I want, everyone to agree with what I'm doing (that would contradict the beauty of God's creating everyone unique)...but I boldly step forward on the special and individual vocation of serving my very unique family.
And the lack of confidence I've been feeling? I know that comes from not praying as much as I should about these things. If I was truly rooted in the Lord, there would be nothing but peace. Yesterday, I took all of these concerns and struggles about school decisions to prayer, begging Our Lady to guide my husband and I to raise our children so that they will increase in love of the Lord and grow to serve Him. And then it came...peace. "Come to me all you who are labored and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:29- from last Sunday's Gospel). With His big loving arms he drew me close, reassured me of my convictions, and focused me again on His will for us. He's the one who put gentle schooling in my path. He's the one that brings me back to it time and time again. We feel truly at peace with this. We are not closed to different methods of schooling, but we are renewed in our efforts and confidence to do what we discern is best for our family...and proceed in faith. And, of course, detach with love from other people's skeptical opinions and comments.
To wrap up, my B-HAG for today is to discover what my children's B-HAGs are. This should be interesting...I can't wait! Let the adventure continue!
What a beautiful reminder. All too often I become overly practical when it comes to my children's ideas and they can never develop. Yet, the few times when I have made that extra effort to force a "yes!" to their ideas, what ensues is an adventure loaded and packed with learning opportunities that the kids eagerly soak up!
This leads right into the post I've been mentally writing for days now: My curriculum choice for this year.
Its amazing how many people (especially, but not limited to, strangers) have the prerogative to ask such personal questions upon hearing that we home school. "What curriculum do you use," they inevitably and immediately ask. Really, its none of their business, and yet I have struggled to come up with a clever enough answer. (Let me be specific here that I am NOT referring to innocent questions from people who are genuinely interested in what we do. I AM referring to people using this question as a sort of litmus test to put us in a box and categorize us a certain way, and perhaps, sadly, even judge us based on it). Whatever I say, it doesn’t satisfy them. I think what they WANT to hear is “oh we do _____ method and order _____ curriculum in a box, and we have mandatory school hours from 8:30-12 every day.” If I say anything different, the skeptical darts shoot forth from their eyes. The real true answer? “Life is our curriculum and we love learning in everything we do!” Hmmm…ya, that sounds pretty hippy I suppose. But we’re not hippies. We are faithful Catholics seeking to grow FIRST in love and service of God and then neighbor. We are a family, tight-knit and deeply bonded. We don’t subscribe to any pre-prescribed program with bells, whistles, and gimmics, that promises without fail that if you do it right (if you follow the rules of the teacher manual), then your child will be spit out at the end of the conveyer belt like any other product. No. Sorry. There is no pre-prescribed recipe for success since every child and every family is uniquely different. There is a proper use of boxed curriculum…but only as a means, never as an end…and only to support the natural learning of the child, never to force the child to fit into it.
Yet, I am human, and here I am, with 3 kids ages 5 and under, freaking out about what my answer will be when people ask me “what curriculum do you use?” Last weekend I sat down with my husband, lap top before us, carefully going over, comparing, and contrasting various methods of teaching reading, and deciding which we should order. We were convinced this was the answer to help us feel like we were successful homeschooling parents. We felt comfortable with the end decision, yet not completely satisfied.
Then, it happened. The event that blew me back on course (the course of natural learning that I embarked on early on). We were at the swimming pool and I was with our oldest in the pool. Last summer she had swimming lessons and made great progress. This year, however, when we try to get her to do the same exercises, she clams up. She’s afraid. On Monday, I cracked. I pushed her. I corrected her. I became frustrated that she wasn’t even trying (from my interpretation…little did I know she WAS trying, at the level SHE was at THAT particular day). All I could hear was the voices in the back of my head from other parents bragging about how their children could swim at age 3 or 4, and by 5 are on the swim team. What resulted was a timid 5 year old, curled in the corner of the pool, tears in her eyes, feeling like a complete failure, and afraid to even try AT ALL (why bother, she was failing anyway?). I took a step back. I had one of those out-of-body experiences where I saw and heard myself as she was seeing and hearing me. Did I really just say all that? Later in the day, and continuing into the next, I observed how she really did close up to me. It wasn’t intentional, she just subconsciously, felt insecure and afraid to take initiative. What happened to my endeavor to “respect where my kids are at” in EVERYTHING (swimming, reading, emotional ability, behavior, etc.)? I blew it. I let my high expectations get the best of me. And worse, I listened to other people's voices and expectations more than I listened to my own child.
I really had to dig deep after that and re-examine my intentions with beginning formal pre-prescribed “School” this year. This event reminded me of the mom I want, and feel called, to be. Patient, kind, respectful, gentle, NOT authoritarian, delighting in my kids and respecting the ebbs and flows of their initiative for learning (because learning is like growing, it happens in spurts).
Yesterday I read this, and was reminded that simpler really is better. I KNOW that. Sometimes I just get too caught up in wanting to please everyone around me (darn that vanity!).
Programs aren’t “bad.” Boxed curriculums aren’t “bad.” What is bad is feeling pressured to meet the system, instead of meeting my child. If we truly want to help our children to grow, learn, and blossom into the adults (saints) God is calling them to be, then we should be willing to come to their level, wherever they are, like God does to us, to raise them up little by little, with encouragement and support. Validate their fears, give them tools to face them, don’t make them feel stupid for feeling afraid. That will only have the opposite effect (as evidenced by my pool experience Monday).
And so, another long talk with my husband later (he had been coming to similar conclusions in his own prayer), we both decided that the curriculum we will use this year…is…a big dose of chill.
Ah, a load has been lifted. Now back to delighting in the learning of our every day life. In case you’re wondering, that is pretty easy. I don’t spend time planning learning goals(because if I set my expectations, it isn’t accepted as readily, and becomes forced learning). But I do plan opportunities, and try to be constantly aware of opportunities that arise. We pray together (and are always identifying virtues in real life that we see), read…A LOT (and the kids spend a lot of time in their beds just looking through books, studying the words, observing the curious and mysterious code before them), watch the occasional documentary (which inevitably leads to interest in something new to get from the library- last night we watched “Hubble IMAX” and now the kid want to learn about the planets and space), we cook together (the kids measure, and are henceforth learning fractions and division), we play (puppet shows, free-play, dolls, ballet dancing, dress up, role-playing), we use play dough (coordination, manual manipulation development), we clean (responsibility, order, categorizing), we create (art, sculptures, paper, glue, markers), we garden (science, soil, agriculture, the water cycle), we visit friends (social interaction, practice sharing, mommy gets adult time), we go on nature walks (collecting interesting things, viewing with magnifying glasses), we seek opportunities to serve others (bring meals to other families in need, even when we don't have the money to feed ourselves that week), our oldest is learning the violin, and is teaching it to her 3 year old sister (music, posture, reading notes, rhythm, meter), we have a lot of “down” time where we pursue our own duties or interests (necessary to mommy’s sanity), we learn about the saints and have feast-day tea parties, we…live. And we will continue to live. I might throw in a computer game to help the 5 and ½ year old learn the phonogram sounds in a fun and non-forced way…but we’ll see. Only as a tool to support her and her initiative to figure out how to read. We can’t teach babies to walk. We can’t teach children to read. We can give them tools to help them figure it out.
There is plenty of time for her to learn how to read, write, excel at arithmatic...but not now. Now is the time of childhood. Now is the time for living life so when she learns the dry rules she has a real living context to attach it to.
I know every family is different, and they should be. That is the amazing thing about God's creation and the family unit. Every soul is unique, every person deeply and inherently created for the same thing, but with different talents, usefulness, and abilities (many parts, one body, as St. Paul tells us). I respect what others are choosing to do in their own home schools. And I don't expect, nor do I want, everyone to agree with what I'm doing (that would contradict the beauty of God's creating everyone unique)...but I boldly step forward on the special and individual vocation of serving my very unique family.
And the lack of confidence I've been feeling? I know that comes from not praying as much as I should about these things. If I was truly rooted in the Lord, there would be nothing but peace. Yesterday, I took all of these concerns and struggles about school decisions to prayer, begging Our Lady to guide my husband and I to raise our children so that they will increase in love of the Lord and grow to serve Him. And then it came...peace. "Come to me all you who are labored and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:29- from last Sunday's Gospel). With His big loving arms he drew me close, reassured me of my convictions, and focused me again on His will for us. He's the one who put gentle schooling in my path. He's the one that brings me back to it time and time again. We feel truly at peace with this. We are not closed to different methods of schooling, but we are renewed in our efforts and confidence to do what we discern is best for our family...and proceed in faith. And, of course, detach with love from other people's skeptical opinions and comments.
To wrap up, my B-HAG for today is to discover what my children's B-HAGs are. This should be interesting...I can't wait! Let the adventure continue!
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Encouraging words...
So many thoughts, no time to write. But here is my latest inspiration, source of calm, and refreshing tidbits to refocus. In other words, here's what I've been pondering:
From last Sunday's Gospel: Matthew 11:29-30
“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am meek and humble of heart;
and you will find rest for yourselves.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”
This quote from The Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI: (a dear friend shared this quote with me when our 2nd daughter was going through her surgeries):
"Even suffering is part of the truth of our life. Thus, trying to shield the youngest from every difficulty and experience of suffering, we risk creating, despite our good intentions, fragile persons of little generosity: The capacity to love, in fact, corresponds to the capacity to suffer, and to suffer together."
This, from John Holt, "How Children Learn:"
The point is that if it takes a long time to develop a good habit, it will take just as long to develop a bad one. The idea that we must work hundreds of hours to make a good habit, but can make a bad one in a few seconds, is nonsense. And the point of this to us as teachers is that we don't always have to be in such a big hurry to correct children's mistakes. We can afford to give them time to notice and correct them themselves. And the more they do this, the better they will become at doing it, and the less they will need and depend on us to do it for them.
(This last quote hits me like a big whammy...as I had a very bad mommy moment yesterday...I plan to write more about this later, but for now, let's just say I over-corrected, and as a result, now she won't even try).
From last Sunday's Gospel: Matthew 11:29-30
“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,
for I am meek and humble of heart;
and you will find rest for yourselves.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden light.”
This quote from The Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI: (a dear friend shared this quote with me when our 2nd daughter was going through her surgeries):
"Even suffering is part of the truth of our life. Thus, trying to shield the youngest from every difficulty and experience of suffering, we risk creating, despite our good intentions, fragile persons of little generosity: The capacity to love, in fact, corresponds to the capacity to suffer, and to suffer together."
This, from John Holt, "How Children Learn:"
The point is that if it takes a long time to develop a good habit, it will take just as long to develop a bad one. The idea that we must work hundreds of hours to make a good habit, but can make a bad one in a few seconds, is nonsense. And the point of this to us as teachers is that we don't always have to be in such a big hurry to correct children's mistakes. We can afford to give them time to notice and correct them themselves. And the more they do this, the better they will become at doing it, and the less they will need and depend on us to do it for them.
(This last quote hits me like a big whammy...as I had a very bad mommy moment yesterday...I plan to write more about this later, but for now, let's just say I over-corrected, and as a result, now she won't even try).
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