Lillian Travis: A Testimony to Love

Last Tuesday night, at the age of 97, my Great-Grandmother passed away peacefully. She is pictured above in the blue dress 1st with all the Women and children on that side of the family, and then 2nd with my Granny, my mother, myself, and my first daughter about a year and a half ago.

I cannot describe the emptiness that I feel in my heart, but any of you who have experienced the death of a loved one in your lifetime knows what I am talking about. It is a feeling of emptiness, of loneliness, because that loved one is no longer present on this earth. I feel deep gratitude to my Father and Creator for blessing me with a living Great-Grandmother for all these years. She was a bright, baby-blue eyed woman with a fiery sense of humor, a peaceful whit, and a knack for winning Canasta. When I was a small child, I played many a game of checkers with her. "I CHALLENGE you to a game of Checkers, Jessica," she would say. "I'm going to CLOBBER you!" I have three gifts that she gave me when I was a child. My room was the designated guest room when she would visit my family, and she never left without a gift of gratitude on a nicely made and pressed bed spread. The first that she left me was a hard-cover classic version of Anne of Green Gables, and the second was the book Kim. One time she left me a tiny pin cushion outlined with lace. I still have all these things today, and am saving them for my daughters someday.

Great-Granny was a peaceful woman, and I would often catch her sitting quietly on the couch starring out the window, as if to reflect on life and love. And I could tell that nothing gave her greater joy in her old age than to sit and observe, as if a fly on the wall, her great-grand children's children playing nearby. She was a contemplative woman. Once she said to me that she loved when her flight would be delayed. When I shot her a quizzical look, wondering why anyone would be happy about a flight being delayed, she explained, "Haven't you ever just people watched? I just love to people watch. The Airport is the best place for that. I just sit and wonder where each one is going, what their story is, and who they are."

And I cannot conclude without mentioning the laughing attacks that I know she passed to my mother's mother, my mother, her sisters, and myself. When something tickled her humor just the right way, she would laugh, deeply, breathlessly, eyes welling up with tears of emmense and uncontrollable laughter- even if no one else was laughing! We call it the laughing attack. It is contagious, but it can only come from a soul that is deeply rooted in a love for life.

But above all the checkers and card games, above all the peaceful chats, above the little gifts she left for me, and the laughing attacks, I will always remember the love she had in her eyes for each family member. Her blue eyes had a depth to them. A depth that spoke without words. I am reminded of something that St. Francis of Assisi once said: "Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary use words."

This, my friends, is what it means to testify to love. Sure, some of it has to do with what words we say, but that's not the bottom line. It has to be in our heart. And if love is truly in our hearts, then words will rarely be necessary.

These are my thoughts for today, as I pack my bags to visit my Great-Grandmother's home one last time, and to show my respect and gratitude to God for her long and fruitful life.

Lord, may the soul of your faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace...and may we always remember that we are walking testimonies of your love in all that we think, in all that we say, and in all that we do, and may I grow to live, to laugh, and to love as deeply as Lillian Travis did. Amen.

How Does Your Garden Grow? Thoughts on Learning in Every Day Life

My Little Gardener

Real Learning is that which occurs in every day life, with every day experiences and everyday opportunities. LIFE is my family's classroom; it is my curriculum.

Above, my oldest can be seen tending to her garden...a humble garden of a few tomato plants, lettuce, and some corn. She can also be seen tending to our new plum tree. Gardening has offered us the opportunity to discover together the beauty of God's creation! She has also learned that hard work and gentle, loving care produces a fruitful harvest. I can't tell you how many times she has discovered an interesting bug when tending to the garden that she crouches to observe for quite some time before running inside to ask me to look it up on the internet or go to the library to borrow books about that particular species. It is moments like these when I am edified in mine and my husband's decision to raise our kids with an attitude of "LIFE is school" instead of "school is something you have to do at certain times of the day." After all, God has instilled in each precious human creation the natural drive and desire to seek higher knowledge. Doesn't it make sense to trust this, nurture it, provide opportunities to practice it and develop it, instead of squashing it with such lines as "no, honey, we're not learning about that type of bug THIS year...that's in next year's syllabus?"

Some people call this approach "unschooling," which by the very meaning of the word I find unfit. I do not call it "homeschooling," or "unschooling," or "relaxed homeschooling," or whatever label one may be inclined to give it. Rather, it is LIFE. And it is in this lifestyle that we give highest priority to loving and serving God and each other, encouraging our children's intense and natural curiosity about the world and God's creation. I dislike using the term "unschooling" for that reason, but also because of the stigma it tends to create. Often, when people hear that term, especially faithful Catholics, they cringe...afterall the education of our children is paramount is it not? I agree that it is! But many assume that "no school" means no rules, no boundaries, no order, and no discipline. I know, I used to be one of these people with such misconceptions.

On the contrary, we have order, we have boundaries (such as those that pertain to safety or respect of others), we have rules, we have structure, or routine, for many things, (ie: saying the Rosary as a family), but just not for "school." Another concern of many people is that children "will not learn to follow through from start to finish with a task unless it is required of them." I disagree. Our children learn to "follow through" with activities because they see us following through with an activity from start to finish (like the time my oldest helped her daddy make a wooden desk in our garage, or helped me to sew a baby carrier with my sewing machine, or when my kids help me follow a recipe to create a yummy treat). There are many opportunities within our everyday life in which to achieve real learning.

As I do with many things, I did (and continue to) discern these philosophies with careful prayer and research, looking to the Mother Church and the Holy Spirit for guidance. I did speak with a Catholic priest, my spiritual director, about my ideas and my hesitations with putting so much trust in my child's learning, and I have read writings of several Popes on the education of children in a Catholic home (both of which actually confirmed my inclinations and drove me into further adoption of this approach). And this discernment will continue every step along the way of my parenting journey, and as always I am open to the Holy Spirit to guide me otherwise, but one thing will never change: that I want my children to have a LOVE for learning, a DESIRE to fulfill God's will (by working hard, serving well, and learning what He needs them to learn to best develop their talents), and to understand that, in the words of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, "God does not expect us to be successful, but to be faithful."

The Catholic Church places on each parent the right to make informed decisions about their child's education, and so I place no judgement whatsoever on other people's schooling choices. Not every approach is for every family. This is just ours, and let me tell you it is a VERY exciting adventure that I never thought I would embark on...and its just beginning!

It is certain I will write more about this in the future...but for now, I have already written far more than I intended. I guess I just got excited to share my thoughts with you! I appreciate and welcome your feedback. I also did not do a good job this time of supporting my claims with valid sources. I do have it all- and can supply that in the future. For now, the children are finished with their lunches and we are all ready for some quiet time!

In the meantime, you can check on "Homeschooling with Gentleness: A Catholic discovers Unschooling," or click this link to find out more about Catholic Unschooling with the author of the book, Suzie Andres.

Building our Domestic Church

Happy Feast of St. Benedict!

I have been pondering lately the idea that we, the Catholic Family, are the Domestic Church, and what I can do, as the heart of my home to build the domestic church that is our family. It is meditating on this that has led me to discover the whole new world (new to me anyway) of living the Liturgical year as a family.

Living the Liturgical year is not a habit of mine, aside from attending Mass on Sundays and whenever I can during the week. My daily meditations sometimes, but not often correspond with the liturgical year's readings. The intention to live in unison with the Mother Church is there, but distractions tend to arise and before I know it another season has gone by in which I did not celebrate it as I would have liked to. In the past couple years, we have made some successes that have been small yet significant to our family. The two most significant ones being:1) the formation of our own family "alter"- or place of central prayer throughout the day- a place to remind us of Christ's presence in our family; and 2) the practice of celebrating each child's Baptismal anniversary on which they get to wear a crown as princesses of God and we have a special dessert with a religious gift of some kind. I don't have any sons yet, so I have not had to come up with a male alternative to the jeweled crowns. That is for another day.

My desires, though, are to as a family more deeply experience the celebrations of the Holy Mother Church. And so, today I have set the following goals:

1) To set up our domestic Church at home, uncluttered (both physically and metaphorically speaking), and Christ-centered- a task in and of itself a major one!
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2) To discuss each Sunday's readings as a family at the breakfast table. I'd say we could do this on the way to Mass, but my loving husband has very consistently been designating that time for Family Rosary each Sunday.
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3) To celebrate the feast days of our family's patron saints (each child's patron saint, and any saint of particular personal significance to us...for example, we have a miscarried soul in Heaven named after Saints Franciso and Chiara of Assisi).
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4) To live the seasons of Advent and Lent more fully than in the past. This means going above and beyond the lighting of our Family Advent wreath with songs and prayers each night- a good practice, and a simple start for us, but each year we should be stretching ourselves farther.
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5) In light of this Year of the Priest, as declared by the Holy Father, to seek to obtain a plenary indulgence each 3rd Thursday of the month with confession, Mass, rosary, and discussing with my kids one saint that was a priest, the importance of the priesthood, pray for a specific priest each time, and make a special card for that priest with my children.
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6) To give special importance to the Feast days of the Blessed Virgin Mary, celebrating them in our home with prayers, songs, crafts, and a procession to our backyard Mary Grotto.
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7) To live the Feast of Christ the King with special prayers, song, and a procession with our Head of Christ picture.
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8) To remember that the Catholic Church is One, Holy, Catholic (universal) and Apostolic, and so should our family be all four. It is important that I don't get so wrapped up in living just inside our family that I turn a blind eye to the Apostolic needs in the outside world. What sort of Domestic Church would be be if we did not model the Mother Church's Apostolic nature? I could write more about this, but I will save that for another time, but in short I will continue to strive for a deeper love and generosity in responding to needs outside my home, and involve the whole family, remembering that to be Apostolic is an important pillar of our Domestic Church.

These are simple stepping stones for me in trying each year to live the Liturgical year in our Domestic Church, but they are lofty at the same time. I'm trying to be realistic, but if I start too simply, where's the growth if I'm not being challenged? I hope to keep you in tuned and updated with how this progresses over the course of the year.

Today I came across a book: called Simplifying your Domestic Church. I am ordering it this week, and will report on its success, which depends mostly on me, in organizing, de-cluttering (in more ways than one), and perfecting my Domestic Church.

If you have any thoughts, suggestions, or insights on how to build the Domestic Church and/or on how to live the Liturgical year as a family, I welcome your comments!

Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ!